


the bodyguard

by midnight_queery



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Currently a WIP, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, KaraLena, Kinda?, SuperCorp, SuperCorp crack, Tiny bit of Angst, alex really shouldn’t have introduced them, but lena decided to be a prankster, i planned on lena just being cold til kara wore her down, idk what’s happening with this, just a wee bit i thrive on fluff, kara is also a little shit, kara is lena’s bodyguard, karlena, lena does not want a bodyguard, lena is a little shit and i love it, prankster lena, queer up people, so my plan has been derailed and i’m just along for the ride, supercorp fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 46,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24654700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_queery/pseuds/midnight_queery
Summary: Lena works with the DEO, but despite all of the assassination attempts she refuses to let any agents protect her. She manages to ditch them anytime they try, much to Agent Danvers’ annoyance.After yet another failed attempt on Lena’s life Alex has had enough. She calls in her sister and appoints her as Lena’s bodyguard. There’s no way the stubborn scientist can scare off a Kryptonian, right?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 137
Kudos: 866





	1. As long as I’m breathing, you’re succeeding, Kara

**Author's Note:**

> I was planning on this being a one shot but Lena decided to be a prankster so now there are going to be multiple chapters.  
> Also I apparently don’t know how ao3 works so it says 1/1 chapters instead of 1/? for some reason. There will be updates though- I have prankster plans.

Lena’s entire body felt sore. Her head and side were throbbing, and based on the sharp pain she felt every time she took a breath she’d definitely cracked some ribs. She groaned as she regained consciousness, the clinical smell of a hospital assaulting her nose. She hated hospitals. Lena forced her eyes open, grimacing at the bright lights and trying to focus her pain-fogged mind as she looked around the room. The room that definitely was not a hospital room. Ah fuck. She was in the med bay at the DEO. There was no way she was going to be able to lie to them about her injuries when they were the ones who had treated her.

“Miss Luthor, glad to see you’re awake,” Agent Danvers drawled upon entering the med bay. The agent grabbed her medical chart and scanned it quickly before looking to the machines hooked up to her patient. “The good news is, you’ll live,” she quipped.

“And the bad news?” Lena grumbled. Agent Danvers gave her a stern look.

“I know you’re against having a bodyguard, Miss Luthor-” the agent began, but Lena cut her off.

“ _Vehemently_ against,” Lena snapped. “Meaning I refuse to have one. Period.” She leveled the agent with her best glare, the one that had made some of her most aggressive board members quake, but the woman just crossed her arms. Lena supposed she should be grateful that a government agent tasked with protecting the city was made of sterner stuff, but she was more annoyed than anything else.

“Too bad. You’ve nearly died five times in the past two weeks. _That we know of_ ,” Alex bit off with a glare. When the government decided to hire Lena Luthor as a subcontractor, wanting her to develop technology for the DEO to better defend against and contain aliens, Alex had been tasked with her safety. Despite the death threats and assassination attempts due to her last name, however, the stubborn scientist refused to have a bodyguard, and any time Alex had agents tailing her she somehow managed to lose them. Every. Single. Time.

“You can’t force me to have a bodyguard,” Lena said. She tried to cross her arms but the tug of an IV stopped her, so she settled on scowling.

“Oh, but I can.” Alex gave the Luthor a wide grin. Lena’s eyes narrowed.

“In case you’ve forgotten, Agent Danvers, I have managed to outwit all of the agents you’ve had follow me. I’ll do the same with a bodyguard.” Lena smirked, one eyebrow arched challengingly, but the agent’s grin only grew wider. “I refuse to be monitored by the government every second of every day. Even if you claim it’s for my own protection.” Lena rolled her eyes at that last bit. Just because the government had decided to hire her, it didn’t mean they trusted her. She was still the sister of the man who had tried to kill Superman and had only taken innocent human lives in the process. No one would ever trust her, and she sure as hell wasn’t naïve enough to trust anyone besides herself anymore.

“I’ve already made the call, Miss Luthor. Your new bodyguard will be here shortly.” Alex turned to leave, but stopped at the door, turning back with a smirk. “And I trained her myself, so I can assure you, she won’t lose track of you for a second.”

Lena barely contained her groan until the overly smug agent left. She was going to wipe that smirk off her face. She had already been planning to escape her so-called bodyguard, but now she was definitely going to do it- preferably within the first hour of leaving the DEO. Or possibly even sooner…

The DEO agents were busy with the usual day-to-day extraterrestrial issues as well as trying to find Lena Luthor’s latest wannabe assassin, so they didn’t notice when the woman they were supposed to be guarding slipped out of the med bay, dressed in the spare uniform she’d found in a cabinet with her hair in a severe bun to blend in.

Lena hurried down the hall, head held high and shoulders back, her CEO mask firmly in place as she headed for the exit. No one paid her any attention and it took all of her willpower not to smirk at their obliviousness. She had learned at an early age to never celebrate a success before the plan was fully executed _and_ she had escaped- she still laid awake some nights berating herself for giving away her hiding place by laughing so loudly when the glowing, glittery goop she’d concocted dropped from the ceiling onto Lillian, ruining her expensive outfit and eliciting a shocked cry. The look on the cruel woman’s face was the best birthday present she’d ever given herself. She still hadn’t topped it and she had only been eight years old at the time.

“You called me here to be somebody’s bodyguard? Really, Alex?”

Lena spotted Agent Danvers walking down the hall with a blonde woman in tow and quickly turned on her heel, walking into another hallway. She slipped into the armory and flattened herself against the wall next to the doorway, listening.

“Yes, really, Kara.” There was a pause. “No, stop it, pouting isn’t going to change my mind. I can’t trust anyone else to protect her.”

“C’mon,” Kara whined. “I was doing actual, important work just this morning, and now I’ll basically be a glorified babysitter. I don’t wanna.” Lena could _hear_ the pout in her voice. She was amazed the severe agent was putting up with this. Just who was this Kara person?

“Please, Kar?” Stubborn silence. Alex sighed. “Look, we don’t even know how many times people have attempted to kill her because she refuses to tell us. Last week she came to work with her arm in a sling, and we couldn’t even find a hospital record when Winn hacked into the network. She’s gonna get herself killed at this rate.”

“Just put a protection detail on her,” Kara retorted.

“I _have_. She manages to shake them every fucking time. She made a replica of a t-rex skeleton fall on them in the National City Museum, she paid a ferris wheel attendant at the amusement park to not let them off- for two whole hours, Kara, and he only let them off when Davies puked- and yesterday two of my best agents literally swam with the fishes at the aquarium because she apparently thought that was funny. She’s a public menace.” Alex was fuming.

Lena did her best to swallow her laughter. Apparently, the agents stalking her last week had been too embarrassed to admit they’d lost her when they somehow ended up as contestants on an obstacle course style game show (one that involved vats of mud, naturally).

“That’s… amazing.” Kara was laughing, and it sounded like she’d stopped walking. “Oh Rao that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!” Lena appreciated the fact that someone finally recognized her comedic genius, but she doubted her bodyguard would be laughing when it was her turn. Lena also needed the woman to _stop_ laughing and move along down the hall so she could get out of here before someone decided they wanted to play with one of the big kid weapons and found her. Lena cautiously peered around the doorway, spotting the two women in the perpendicular hallway. Of course they’d stopped where her escape hallway met the exit hallway. Of course. She was apparently getting Lex’s karma now. Or maybe just normal karma for temporarily trapping two agents in the bear exhibit at the zoo…

“Stop laughing,” Alex groused. She glared at Kara, who was bent at the waist, one hand on the wall, helpless with laughter.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ve just… oh Rao I haven’t seen you this mad since I hid your motorcycle.” Kara straightened up, laughter still dancing in her eyes even as her giggles ceased. Alex glared.

“You hid it on the roof, Kara. Who hides a motorcycle on the roof?” Alex threw her hands up in frustration. Kara just gave her a shit-eating grin. Maybe she should re-think introducing her to Lena. Unfortunately, Alex didn’t think even Vasquez would be willing to tail the woman again. Not after the circus incident. “Can you _please_ just play bodyguard to Lena Luthor until the assassination attempts calm down?”

“Wait, you want me to be _Lena Luthor’s_ bodyguard?” Kara was staring at Alex with wide eyes. “Wait that means that all of that stuff… was done by Lena Luthor. I thought she was supposed to be some terrifying CEO, not the host of a comedy show.”

Lena huffed indignantly. She was an amazing multitasker- how dare Kara assume she couldn’t do both! She had thought she’d been quiet enough, but blue eyes shot up to meet hers and she froze. Fuck. Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck. Lena yanked her head back and scurried to the corner of the room, crouching behind a trunk that held… well, likely something that blew things up, if she’d judged Agent Danvers correctly. She grimaced as a flash of pain lanced through her side but held her position. Lena wondered if Kara knew what she looked like well enough to recognize however much of her face had been visible when she was spying on them.

Lena stayed huddled behind the trunk for five agonizingly slow minutes before hesitantly peeking around it. She was alone in the armory. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief, hopping up and hurrying out of the door and into the blessedly empty hall. She strode to the exit and shoved the door open, breathing in the fresh air.

“You might wanna retrain your agents, Alex,” Kara commented. Lena’s head snapped around and she saw the blonde leaning against the wall on the other side of the small alley, her brilliant blue eyes bright as she watched Lena, an amused smile tilting her lips upwards.

“Public. Menace,” Agent Danvers growled, appearing beside Lena as the door closed.

“You were hiding behind the door waiting for me?” Lena asked in shock. Agent Danvers nodded tersely.

“Yup,” Kara confirmed, popping the p, “Alex is a total drama queen.” She pushed herself off the wall and walked over to Lena, holding her hand out. “Nice to meet you Miss Luthor, I’m Kara Danvers, your new bodyguard.”

“Danvers?” Lena repeated. She’d automatically reached out to shake Kara’s hand, and she stared questioningly at the two Danvers even while reciprocating the firm handshake and marveling at how warm Kara’s hand was. And the fact that it wasn’t sweaty like her own. Unfair.

“Yeah, Alex is my sister.” Kara gave Lena a lopsided smile. Lena’s heart did not flutter in response. It. Did. Not. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her borrowed pants as she took the time to properly assess Agent Danvers’ sister.

Kara was slightly taller than Alex, and where Alex’s hair was short and dark Kara’s was past her shoulders and the blonde waves glinted in the sunlight. She was wearing a blue t-shirt with Superman’s symbol on it and black pants. Thick framed glasses were perched on her nose. She looked nothing like Alex, and she seemed much less uptight. That didn’t mean Lena would tolerate her being her bodyguard though. Even if she was ridiculously pretty. Lena was an equal opportunity pranker- Kara could stalk her all she wanted in the name of protecting her, but all she’d get out of it was a funny story at her own expense. Lena nodded to herself at that thought, and Kara raised her eyebrows questioningly. The heat of a blush crept up Lena’s face and she turned her gaze back to Agent Danvers, who was giving her an all too knowing look. Fucking gaydar.

“Well,” Lena began, clearing her throat. “That would explain how you’re still alive after hiding her motorcycle on the roof.” Kara just beamed at her as Alex groaned.

“To be fair, she has tried to kill me a few times. Luckily for me, I’m pretty hard to get rid of.” Kara winked at her and Lena’s blush deepened. She needed to scare off this woman and fast. But if she had survived being Agent Danvers’ sister, Lena would have to go all out. Even as her mind whirred to life with elaborate plans (seriously, she spent more brain power thwarting the DEO’s efforts to guard her than she did making them new technology- if they’d just leave her alone they’d probably have three new armories already) she noticed Alex and Kara having a silent conversation with their eyes.

“What?” Lena asked warily.

“You haven’t been discharged yet, Miss Luthor,” Alex replied, a wicked glint in her eyes. “I’m afraid we need to get you back to the med bay before you _and Kara_ can leave.” Lena gave her an unimpressed look- that information didn’t warrant the gleeful expression on Alex’s face. “In fact, since I haven’t checked you out yet, it would be best if you didn’t walk back on your own. What if you stumbled from an injury and died? I can’t have that on my conscience.” Alex batted her eyes at Lena innocently.

“Oh please, I’m fine and you know it, Agent Danvers. What are you going to do, put me in a wheelchair?” Lena rolled her eyes. She knew Alex was up to something, but she had no clue where this was headed.

“Kara?” Alex prompted, smirk firmly in place. Lena didn’t even have time to look over at Kara before she found herself being swept off her feet. She let out a very undignified yelp and locked her arms around Kara’s neck even as she reveled in the strength and warmth of the woman’s hold.

“Put me down right now, Kara Danvers,” Lena said as commandingly as she could. Her blush had reached her ears by this point and her heart had started beating like a war drum. Her body was a fucking traitor.

“Sorry, no can do. And you can just call me Kara, by the way, Miss Luthor,” Kara gave her a cheeky grin and carried her bridal style back into the DEO, Alex opening all the doors for them on their route back to the med bay. Agents stopped in their tracks at the sight of a blonde woman carrying Lena Luthor through the halls. Several did double takes, and Lena definitely heard snickering. She yanked her hair out of its bun and used it to hide her face. She would get them all back for this. Lena was turning twenty-eight next month- perhaps it was time for a twenty year anniversary goop revival… if she started next week she’d definitely have enough to fill up the DEO. Wait, would that count as an attack on federal agents? She doubted anyone would want to report something that embarrassing though, so she should be fine.

Kara finally sat her down, surprisingly gently, on the bed in the med bay and took a step back. Lena missed her warmth immediately and wanted to kick herself for it. Luckily, by the time Alex got to the part of the final checkup where she checked her vitals, her heart had calmed back to its normal rhythm and even her blush had disappeared. Alex’s smirk was still in place, however.

“I hate you,” Lena mumbled.

“Don’t care,” Alex said happily. “Now that Kara is here, I can finally focus on my actual job instead of worrying about you dying because of your own damn stubbornness.”

“Whatever,” Lena grumbled, fully aware she sounded like a child.

“Anyway, you two are free to go home now. Seriously,” Alex continued, “ _please_ just go home. You can come in to work tomorrow but you were nearly killed today. At least try to get some rest. And no alcohol with your pain pills.” Alex leveled her patented big sister look at Lena, who just rolled her eyes in response. “Kara, don’t let Miss Luthor have any alcohol until I say it’s okay. Got it?” Alex handed a bottle of pain pills to Lena, who slipped them into her purse with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

“Yup. Oh, before we go… where am I staying, exactly?” Kara and Lena both looked to Alex, and Lena felt her stomach sink when Alex gave her a wide grin.

“No. No no no no no. She is _not_ staying with me. I don’t even want a bodyguard!” Lena exclaimed, her horror growing as Alex’s grin turned positively evil.

“Too. Bad.” Alex was enjoying the Luthor’s discomfort too much to notice her sister’s, at least until Kara spoke up.

“Uh, Alex… I’m not gonna force my way into her home. I mean, unless she’s being attacked or something. And judging by your track record that’s probably gonna happen so I apologize in advance,” Kara blurted, looking to Lena. She quickly turned back to Alex when Lena scowled at her. “I understand the need to shadow her to protect her but I’m not gonna violate her privacy like that.”

Alex had already taken up her classic hands-on-hips pose before Kara was done talking, and Kara mimicked it with a determined look. Lena hated herself for thinking it was cute.

“You said yourself she’ll likely be attacked in her home. This isn’t up for debate, Kara- you’re staying with her. The DEO won’t be paying for a hotel room for you, and I will freeze your accounts if necessary. Understood?” Alex glared at her sister, and even as Kara nodded Alex could see a determined glint in her eye. Kara was going to end up sleeping on the roof of some nearby building, wasn’t she? Well, at least her powers meant she could get to Lena in time. Still, Alex didn’t like the thought of her little sister sleeping outside, indestructible alien or not.

“Understood, Agent Danvers,” Kara said stiffly. Alex grimaced at the formality, and Lena looked between the two of them with undisguised curiosity. Was this their equivalent of fighting? It was very boring. She’d honestly expected better of someone who had managed to lug a motorcycle up onto a roof. Kara interrupted Lena’s thoughts on how exactly she had managed that by turning to her with a polite smile, offering her arm. “Are you ready to go, Miss Luthor?”

“Y-yes,” Lena stuttered. Why was she offering her her arm? This wasn’t some pretentious gala, and the closest thing to a suit Kara was wearing was her Superman t-shirt. Still, Lena inexplicably found herself taking Kara’s offered arm, shooting Agent Danvers a confused look as Kara escorted her from the building.

Kara halted in the lobby, and Lena drew to a stop beside her, turning to her with an eyebrow raised questioningly. Kara blushed and looked away, shuffling her feet nervously.

“I just, uh, wanted to know where we’re going?” The blonde’s voice hitched up at the end, and she used her free hand to fiddle with her glasses.

“Well, last I checked your sister ordered me home, and since you’re her little lackey I figure I don’t have much of a choice in the matter,” Lena answered curtly. Kara’s head jerked up and she looked at her with wide eyes.

“Hey, no, I’m not- I mean I…” Kara trailed off and sighed. “Look, Miss Luthor, the way I see it my job is to protect you. That means if someone attacks you I’ll keep you safe and do my best to subdue them. But,” Kara continued with an odd quirk to her lips, “I’m not going to force you to go anywhere. I mean, not unless wherever we’re at is dangerous and I need to get you to a safe location because there’re too many attackers or something. So if you _want_ to go home I will escort you there, and despite what my sister said I don’t plan on appointing myself your new roomie, but if you wanted to go, for example, to the museum or the amusement park or the aquarium, I am perfectly capable of following you at a discreet distance.” Kara gave her a hesitant grin and Lena narrowed her eyes at her suspiciously.

“…home is fine for now. I’m sure Agent Danvers already called my town car.” Lena pulled Kara out of the DEO and straight into the elegant car waiting out front. She told her driver to take her home and slumped back against her seat, closing her eyes. The adrenaline from her attempted escape was wearing off, and she felt bone deep exhaustion dragging her down. She would need to make background checks for L-Corp employees even more rigorous to avoid another incident like today- a new hire had planted a small bomb in her office, and while she had taken cover in time the explosion had sent a large fragment of her desk careening into her side. How the DEO had gotten to her before her assistant could call an ambulance she didn’t know.

Lena grimaced as the car ran over a small pothole and was startled when Kara, who had previously been silent, spoke up.

“Do you wanna take a pain pill?” The woman’s voice was soft and hesitant, and if Lena didn’t know any better she would think it held genuine concern.

“I’m fine,” she said shortly, not bothering to open her eyes. The answering silence somehow managed to seem disbelieving. “Your job is to make sure I survive, not that I’m comfortable. As long as I’m breathing you’re succeeding, Kara.” 

“Alright, Miss Luthor. Sorry for… uh, putting my… nose in the place it shouldn’t go?” Kara’s voice grew more and more uncertain as she spoke and Lena opened one eye to look at her in shock.

“What the hell was that supposed to mean?” Lena asked. Kara blushed and looked out the window. “Kara. What exactly were you trying to say?” Lena asked, more gently this time.

“I just, uh, was trying to apologize for… uh, not… minding my own business. You seemed like you were in pain and I figured since Alex gave you pain pills, well I mean she gave them to you for a reason, right?” Kara was making small, flustered hand gestures as she spoke. “So uh, I figured if you were in pain you should take a pill but then I think I upset you by saying that? Which I totally get! You’re a badass genius CEO lady who can totally decide when, uh, whether or not to take a pain pill and you don’t need me urging you to take drugs. Not like that!” Kara exclaimed as her words registered. “Oh Rao,” she muttered, hiding her face in her hands. Lena wondered where the confident woman who had literally swept her off her feet had gone. This girl was a mess. An endearing mess, but a mess all the same. “What I’m trying to say is that I’ll focus on being your bodyguard and try to be as respectful as possible while doing so,” the blonde eventually mumbled.

“So you’re saying you aren’t going to be _a glorified babysitter_ then?” Lena drawled. Kara’s mortified eyes darted to her own before staring down at her lap.

“Sorry,” she whispered. One hand came down and rested on her lap in a fist while the other fiddled with her glasses. Lena bit her lip. She had expected the woman to fire something snarky right back at her, but instead she seemed to have made her mood worse. Fuck.

“Kara,” Lena said softly. The woman didn’t look at her. Lena sighed. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’ve had a very stressful day and I took it out on you, and that wasn’t right, so I apologize.” Blue eyes looked up at her, and Lena could feel the weight of Kara’s concern like it was a tangible presence in the car with them. It shouldn’t be legal for someone to have eyes that emotional.

“It’s okay,” Kara said softly, offering Lena a small smile.

“No, it’s not okay. You were, well I’m starting to think you were actually concerned about my well-being and not just trying to boss me around.” Lena grimaced as Kara gave her an utterly baffled look.

“Why would I try to boss you around?” Kara asked, her brow furrowed. “I may have only gotten to National City today but I’ve been following your work for awhile- you’re way smarter than me, and I’m the one who made Alex’s gun.”

“ _You_ made Agent Danvers’ gun?” Lena blurted. Kara just nodded. “I had to bribe her with three enhanced grenades just to get her to lend it to me for half an hour. I barely had to time to reassemble it once I’d finished my notes on its design.”

“You disassembled it, took notes, and reassembled it all in half an hour?” Kara gave a low whistle. “Gosh, you’re even smarter than I thought you were.”

“Where did you learn to work with alien technology?” Lena asked. The gun had been impressive- instead of having ammo that needed replenished, it created power from the ions in the air and turned that power into devastating shots. The design itself was also much more complex than most of the alien technology the DEO had given her for research purposes. How had a human learned to make it?

“Well, I uh, uhm,” Kara’s stutters cut off and she delicately sniffed the air. “Do you smell that?”

“Really, Kara? If you don’t want to tell me something you can be honest about it at least,” Lena drawled. “I’ve been hassled by reporters enough to respect a reply of ‘no comment’.”

“No, seriously.” Kara was looking around the car suspiciously, and when her eyes turned to the front she slipped her glasses down, gazing at the divider almost as if she could see through it. “Well Miss Luthor,” Kara said solemnly, with the most serious look on her face that Lena had yet seen, “I definitely understand why my sister called me in to be your bodyguard. Two attacks in one day is kinda overkill though, don’t ya think?”

“Excuse me?” Lena’s eyes widened in alarm as she scanned the car. Nothing seemed out of place. Except… “I didn’t request the AC to be turned on,” Lena said quietly. She reached out to close the vent, but the little shutters didn’t move when she slid the toggle. She tried a few more times before a yawn overtook her and she tiredly flopped back against the seat. “Why am I so tired all of a sudden?” Her voice was barely audible even to her own ears as her eyes fluttered closed. She had the vague thought that something was very wrong, but it was lost to the murkiness of her mind as she passed out.

///

“Miss Luthor? Are you awake?”

Lena forced her eyes open and looked around blearily. She was lying on the couch in her penthouse, the blanket that was usually folded over the top of the couch tucked around her. Her mind felt hazy, like her thoughts were fighting through a lake of murky water to get to the surface only to be obscured by dense fog. She blinked several times and gingerly tried to sit up. She would have slumped back down if two strong hands hadn’t grasped her upper arms and guided her so that her shoulder was leaning against the back of the couch.

“This should help you feel better,” a kind voice said. A glass of water was pressed into her hands and she stared at it uncomprehendingly. “You need to drink it, Lena.” The voice sounded amused, but it was still achingly gentle, so Lena obediently drank the water. The coolness as it washed down her throat revived her enough that she realized she was parched so she started guzzling it. A tanned hand reached out and tilted the bottom of the glass down slightly. “Hey now, there’s plenty of water. Don’t choke yourself.” Lena started sipping the water, and as soon as it was all gone the glass was taken from her, replaced a moment later filled once again. Lena hummed gratefully and continued sipping it.

Even as the water helped wake her up, though, Lena still felt weak. She started to slump backwards, but a warm weight plopped down behind her, and after a bit of shifting she was leaning against someone’s chest, their arms wrapped securely around her waist and their legs bracketing hers. Surprisingly she didn’t bristle at their touch, and she figured that meant she was safe enough to continue drinking water and trying to remember what the hell had happened. It was several minutes later that she finally spoke.

“Kara?”

“Yeah,” the woman said softly. Her head came to rest on Lena’s shoulder and she spied the blonde hair in her peripheral. She relaxed further into the embrace, idly noting that she felt weirdly comfortable with Kara even as she wondered how best to phrase her next question.

“What the fuck happened?” Bluntness seemed the most appropriate. As did cussing.

“The car was rigged so the driver could release some kind of sleeping gas into the back. The vent couldn’t be closed, and the car had been sealed so the driver was protected. I didn’t realize exactly what the weird smell was til you passed out. Sorry about that,” Kara added with a grimace.

“Alright, how did we end up here then? I’m assuming my driver didn’t just want me to take a nap on my way home?” Lena asked sarcastically. Kara huffed out a small laugh.

“We don’t know his motive yet, so it’s a possibility I guess. Alex met us here and picked him up. He’s being questioned at the DEO as we speak. I’m just glad it was an attempted kidnapping- if that gas had been poisonous you’d be dead.” Kara sounded incredibly sad about that. And guilty. The guilt made sense to Lena- Kara was supposed to be her bodyguard. The sadness on the other hand… well, maybe she was just such a nice person that she felt any death should be mourned? Did people like that exist?

“I’m fine, Kara. Aside from the fact that I apparently can’t sit on my own,” Lena added with a wry smile. She felt Kara stiffen slightly.

“Oh no. Oh Rao, I’m so sorry. You just met me today and you don’t even want me around, you probably don’t want me holding you like this. I can get you a pillow or help you turn so you’re sitting against the couch, or I could take you to bed if you wanted? Oh Rao I just made it worse didn’t I? I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant you might want to lie down and your bed is probably comfier for that and I’m gonna shut up now so please just tell me what you’d like me to do.” Kara clamped her lips together and Lena giggled. Oh yeah, she was _definitely_ still affected by whatever that gas had been. She definitely didn’t find Kara’s awkward rambling cute. Not at all. She was just delirious from the unwelcome chemicals in her system. They were also her excuse for what she said next.

“I’d like to stay like this if you don’t mind.”

“Oh,” Kara said in surprise. “O-okay. That’s cool.” Her arms tightened slightly around Lena’s waist and she found it oddly comforting. One of her questions- arguably the most important one- still hadn’t been answered though.

“How are we here?” Lena repeated. “Instead of being locked in a tower or a dungeon or something.” She half-heartedly waved the hand not holding the glass of water in some vague circles to indicate the lack of ancient stone walls and rotting hay.

“Oh. Uh,” Kara began eloquently. “I, uh. Well see you were sitting closest to the vent, and you’d already been through a lot today so you were like, more susceptible to the gas I guess? And when you passed out I realized what was happening so I broke the divider thing and crawled through… And I guess my… adrenaline… kicked in and kept me awake cuz by the time I’d wriggled through the driver was unconscious… So I pulled him out of the way and took control of the car. I rolled all the windows down and then called Alex to find out where you lived. Then we got here and some DEO agents took the driver away and I didn’t think you’d want to be left in the car until you woke up- I mean, you already mentioned being harassed by reporters and I couldn’t really put the windows back up for privacy and the car still smelled like the sleeping gas so I got your key out of your purse and carried you here.” Kara stopped for a moment. “Oh yeah, and Alex convinced the doorman and the building security to let me up. Her badge is very useful. They now think she’s an FBI agent.”

“So to summarize,” Lena began, “we’ve known each other less than a few hours and you’ve already saved my life.” She could tell Kara was lying about something- she had been incredibly nervous at the beginning of her rambling answer, not to mention she’d tried to avoid answering the question in the first place. But Lena was pretty sure the lie had to do with why the gas hadn’t affected her and not the incident as a whole. Who knew? Maybe Alex had poisoned Kara so much in their youth that she was immune to the gas now. Or maybe Kara was part of some other super-secret elite branch of the military and they had trained her to build up her tolerance. Or maybe she had some kind of alien implant that made it so toxins wouldn’t affect her. The last one was probably the most probable considering the gun Kara claimed to have made, but Lena would also readily believe the first one.

“I mean, I am your bodyguard now. It’s _kinda_ my job,” Kara said teasingly. Lena rolled her eyes, grateful the gas was quickly wearing off so she hadn’t giggled again.

“Regardless, thank you, Kara.”

“No prob, Miss Luthor.”

“I think saving my life means you can call me Lena.” The brunette smiled as Kara gasped dramatically before beaming so wide Lena could see it in her peripheral.

“Well then. No prob, Lena.”


	2. I promise you I will protect you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter decided to be ridiculously long and I still haven’t gotten to the scene that made me want to write this yet. Maybe it’ll fit in the next chapter...
> 
> Any tips on writing emotional stuff and action scenes would be appreciated cuz... well you’ll see... 😅
> 
> Lyrics are from Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” cuz when I wondered what Kara might sing that is the first thing that came to mind.
> 
> Hope this gets a laugh outta ya!

Lena allowed herself to snuggle (there really was no other word for it) with Kara for another fifteen minutes before she finally decided that she had been vulnerable with the odd woman enough for one evening. Still, she was reluctant to pull away from the comforting embrace- luckily for her she was a Luthor, so she excelled at doing things outside of her comfort zone.

“I have a long day tomorrow, so I should probably get ready for bed now,” Lena said abruptly. She half expected to have to tell Kara point blank to stop, well, hugging her, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth Kara was moving. In a few moments Lena found herself alone on the couch, the blonde woman standing nearby.

“Yeah, humans need plenty of sleep,” Kara agreed with a nod. Lena wondered why she was referring to humans as if she wasn’t one, but figured that might just be how she spoke. “Do you need me to do anything before I go?” Kara’s bright blue eyes met hers earnestly and Lena found herself wondering if Kara was just trying to do her job or if she was being genuinely kind. For some reason Lena found herself leaning towards the latter.

“Uh, no. Wait,” Lena blurted, her brow furrowed, “what do you mean, ‘go’? I thought your sister ordered you to stay with me?” Lena swiveled on the couch so she was leaning against the back of it, wincing as her side protested. Apparently cuddling with a stranger was painless but just moving hurt like hell. Fun.

“Oh, yeah, well,” Kara fiddled with her glasses, her mouth screwed to the side in a grimace. “Like I said, I’m not gonna make you let me stay here. This is your home. I wouldn’t have even come inside if your driver hadn't been a total creep and everything. I stuck around cuz I was worried about you, but you’re okay now and since you don’t need me to do anything I can leave you alone til you head to work tomorrow. Unless you’re attacked again,” Kara added, her nose scrunched up, “in which case I’ll see you later tonight.”

“And how will you know I’m being attacked if you aren’t here?” Lena found herself asking. A little voice in her head, one that sounded suspiciously like Lillian, was telling her to just let Kara see herself out and be glad she was leaving. Lena, however, didn’t really want Kara to go. She told herself it was because she’d been attacked twice today already, and her new bodyguard had proven herself capable, but really Lena knew that she just didn’t want to be alone right now- Kara made her feel safe. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but then again she never had been all that good with understanding her own emotions.

“I, uh, I’ll be nearby,” Kara stammered. She fiddled with her glasses again, but stopped when Lena gave her a disbelieving look. “If anything happens,” Kara said, her eyes meeting Lena’s, “I promise you I _will_ protect you.” Her eyes held steely determination, and though Lena realized that the declaration wasn’t anything close to an answer to her question, she believed her. And yet-

“Where exactly is nearby?” Lena asked, her narrowed eyes trained on Kara’s. “Agent Danvers and I may not see to eye to eye, but I was under the impression that she keeps her word. Do you even have money for a hotel room, or were you planning on sleeping on the streets?” The blonde blinked a few times, mouth opening and closing wordlessly. “I thought so,” Lena said disapprovingly. “If you’re going to protect me like you just promised, then you’ll have to be well rested enough to recognize and neutralize any threats. Do you really think sleeping outside, on the cold, hard ground, will leave you alert enough to protect me?” She paused for a moment, and Kara watched her silently. “The correct answer, Kara, is that it won’t. So, if you want to do your job- if you want to keep your promise- you need to stay in my guest room.”

“Uh, was that you offering to let me stay or you ordering me to stay?” Kara asked, a bewildered look on her face. Lena rolled her eyes.

“Either way, Kara Danvers, you’re staying. The guest room also has a fully stocked bathroom, so feel free to shower and whatnot. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Assuming, of course, that I can go a few hours without being attacked,” Lena added with a slight grimace.

“Don’t worry, Lena,” Kara said with a bright smile, “if anything happens I’ll try to take care of it as quickly and quietly as possible. And with as little property damage as possible.” Kara’s face scrunched up and Lena very much wanted to know what had prompted _that_ little addendum. “Oh, and you looked like you were in pain a minute ago so here’s these if you want them,” Kara said with forced nonchalance, handing Lena the pain pills. At Lena’s raised eyebrow Kara just shrugged. “I already told you I got your key out of your purse. I grabbed those too in case I jostled you too much when I was carrying you and you woke up in more pain. So, uh, good night.” Kara hurried away, disappearing into the hallway, but a moment after Lena had reluctantly taken some pain pills Kara’s head popped around the corner, a wide grin on her face. “Oh, and Lena? Of course you and Alex don’t see eye to eye- you’re too short.”

The pillow Lena chucked at Kara’s head unfortunately thumped against the wall as Kara was already out of sight.

///

Lena did not wake to the blare of her alarm as usual- Lena awoke to quiet singing. She laid in bed, eyes closed and mind still cloudy from sleeping, and listened as someone softly sang:

_“Don’t be a drag, just be a queen, whether you’re broke or evergreen. You’re black, white, beige, cholo descent, you’re Lebanese, you’re Orient. Whether life’s disabilities left you outcast, bullied, or teased, rejoice and love yourself today, cuz baby, you were born this way.”_

Lena was awake enough to realize now that Kara was the one singing. And also that she had a damn good voice. Kara was her DEO-appointed bodyguard, and she could work with alien technology, and she could sing. What couldn’t she do?

_“No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian and transgender life, I’m on the right track baby I was born to survive. No matter black, white, or beige, chola or Orient made, I’m on the right track baby I was born to be brave!”_

Okay, judging by the emphasis and enthusiasm during that part of the song Lena was betting the thing Kara couldn’t do was be straight. Good to know. Or not, because Kara had made Lena a blushing, stuttering mess but she had yet to make Kara one. Well that needed to change. ASAP.

 _“I’m beautiful in my way, cuz_ Rao _makes no mistakes. I’m on the right track baby I was born this way. Don’t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you’re set. I’m on the right track baby I was born this way!”_

What religion did Rao belong to? Actually, now that Lena was thinking about it, Kara said ‘oh Rao’ a lot. How had she not noticed? Would it be rude to ask? Lena decided to look it up later.

Sadly, the singing stopped. As did the background noise Lena was now noticing the absence of. Oh. Kara had been singing in the shower. Lena laughed quietly at the realization before finally prying her eyes open and grabbing her phone to look at the time. 05:43.

“I know I said bright and early,” Lena grumbled to herself, “but this is a little too early, Kara.” Lena’s phone buzzed and a text from an unknown number appeared on the screen.

**sorry if i woke you up -kd**

Lena stared at her phone in shock. There was no way Kara had heard her grumbling. Right? Surely not. Wait, how the hell had Kara texted her?

**oh, alex gave me ur number btw**

Was this bitch a mind reader? Lena quickly shook the thought from her head. It was only logical to tell someone how you got their number if they themselves hadn’t given it to you, especially when they were someone whose number was not easy to get. At least, Lena was going to choose to believe that was why Kara had texted her that. Super hearing was preferable to mind reading. Lena shuddered at the thought.

Tossing her phone onto her bedside table, Lena burrowed back into her pillows, wishing in vain that she would fall asleep again. After several minutes of being wide awake and bored as hell she groaned and rolled out of bed.

///

When Lena trudged into the kitchen a little under an hour later, freshly showered and dressed for work, she found Kara staring critically into her fridge.

“What?” Lena asked defensively, knowing full well that the fridge was fairly empty. Meaning she was pretty sure she had put a half-drunken water bottle in there a few days ago and it was otherwise barren.

“Do… do you eat?” Kara asked in a strangled voice. The blonde turned to face Lena, eyes widening as she took in her high ponytail, dark green blouse, tight black dress pants, and stiletto heeled boots (Lena didn’t normally wear heels that tall, but the short comment was still echoing in her very soul, okay?). “Woah,” Kara said quietly. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally gave up on talking and clamped it shut, her blue eyes raking over the brunette several times and causing a light blush to dust both their cheeks.

Lena’s blush deepened when she noticed the muscles of the arm Kara was using to prop open the fridge door tensing, causing the sleeve of her shirt to strain around her large bicep. Then Lena noticed the shirt itself and couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow questioningly.

“What?” This time Kara was the one sounding defensive.

“You’re still wearing your Superman shirt,” Lena commented. Actually, now that she was looking closer, Kara was still wearing all of yesterday’s clothes. Which made Lena realize that Kara hadn’t even brought a backpack with her, much less a suitcase. “Did you not bring anything with you except the literal clothes on your back?” Lena asked incredulously.

“Alex just said she had an assignment for me,” Kara muttered, letting the fridge door close as she crossed her arms and looked at the floor. “She didn’t say how long it would take and I figured it would be something I could get done in a few hours like usual. So, yeah, this is all I have.” Kara shrugged uncomfortably and Lena realized that instead of laughing at her bodyguard’s plight (as she’s sure she would have done had said bodyguard not been an adorable blonde with a killer pout) she was instead moving some things around in her mental schedule to make time to shop.

“I’ll only be at L-Corp until noon today,” Lena began, “and I’m not expected at the DEO until six. While I do have some things planned in between those times, I think we can make time for some clothes shopping.”

“Huh?” Kara’s eyes darted up to Lena’s, a confused crinkle appearing between her eyebrows. Lena sighed and shook her head at the woman’s confusion.

“We’re going to get you some clothes today. But for now I’m going to find you another shirt in my closet because I’d really rather not deal with the headlines resulting from a Luthor being seen with someone wearing a Superman shirt.” Lena grabbed Kara’s hand and dragged her into her bedroom, noting the delayed reaction to her tugging, and swiped a suitable shirt from her closet, thrusting it at the blonde. “Here, change into this.” 

Lena expected Kara to go to the guest room and change. That is not what Kara did. Oh, no. Kara just pulled her t-shirt over her head then and there, standing less than a foot away from Lena because apparently no good deed goes unpunished. Even after Kara had buttoned up the blue shirt Lena had given her and tucked it into the waistband of her slacks, Lena was still staring at her bodyguard’s stomach in shock because she had a fucking six pack. When Lena finally blinked her brain helpfully showed her a snapshot of Kara shirtless: broad shoulders, sleek sports bra, rippling abs and all. She had never both hated and loved her genius brain more.

“Lena?” Kara asked. The brunette had been staring, but now she was just standing there with her eyes closed. “Are you… okay?”

“Fine. I’m fine,” Lena replied, not sounding fine even to her own ears. She forced herself to stop staring at the mental snapshot of shirtless Kara and opened her eyes to see real Kara looking at her with concern. The blue shirt brought out Kara’s eyes just as Lena had thought it would and she cursed herself- why had she thought making those striking blue eyes stand out even more was a good idea? “We need to go.” She resisted the urge to lecture Kara on flashing people, mostly because a very large part of her wanted to make sure it happened again in the near future.

The ride to L-Corp was thankfully uneventful. Kara sat quietly munching on some kind of protein bar the entire ride, occasionally pausing to give her breakfast disgusted, or even downright offended looks before seemingly forcing herself to take another bite. Lena had a feeling they would also be food shopping later that day.

Kara’s silence meant Lena could focus on her current project: losing her bodyguard. She refused to be monitored 24/7 by the government, even though she liked Kara. That was the biggest problem, actually. She’d known the woman for less than a day and had already insisted she stay in her home and was even planning on taking her shopping for clothes and food, knowing that since Alex had frozen her sister’s accounts she would be the one paying for everything. Which, she was ridiculously rich, so that didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Lena found herself starting to trust Kara, and that couldn’t happen. She couldn’t afford to trust anyone, especially someone working with the government, not after everything that had happened. Lena had built a fortress around her heart for a reason, and she needed to get rid of the woman who had so easily slipped inside as soon as possible.

Getting rid of the agents tailing her before had been easy. Lena was able to pick them out of the crowd so quickly she had to wonder at their training, and once she knew their faces she simply hacked into the DEO personnel files and read up on them. Knowing her targets’ mental and physical stats helped her plan how to scare them off, or at the very least distract them long enough that she could escape without their noticing. But Kara Danvers wasn’t in the DEO’s personnel files- Lena had checked last night and found nothing. So she had to find a way to learn what she needed to know without alerting Kara to the fact that the bodyguard currently had the upper hand. Which might take awhile. And Kara was nice. Really nice. So Lena figured she might as well make her comfortable for her short stay. And if that meant taking the woman shopping, so be it.

By the time the car had pulled to a stop in the underground garage at L-Corp, Lena had a plan.

///

As soon as the elevator opened on the top floor of L-Corp Kara practically ran out of it. Lena made her own way out much slower, pausing to give Kara a questioning look. The blonde flushed and looked away, reaching up to fiddle with her glasses.

“I, uh, don’t like enclosed spaces,” Kara muttered. “Claustrophobia or whatever.”

“Ah,” Lena said softly. Her brows knit together as she tried to think of something to say to that, but she came up blank. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” Kara looked at her, startled. “Why are you apologizing?” The damn crinkle was back and Lena had to use every bit of her considerable will power to stop herself from reaching up to smooth it away. The rush of anger at realizing she would in fact have to reach _up_ to do so, despite wearing some of her tallest heels, helped to quell the urge.

“Well, if my office wasn’t on the top floor you probably could have taken the stairs,” Lena said with a shrug, leading Kara towards her office.

“Your office is on the top floor cuz you’re the CEO,” Kara pointed out. “And that’s amazing. You totally turned this company around. You scrapped all of the anti-alien weapons and started mass producing tech that helps all of the aliens who came here as refugees. Your image inducer has helped a lot of people live better lives. They can get actual jobs instead of having to barely survive in the shadows of society. It’s incredible.” Lena glanced back at Kara and nearly stumbled when she saw the soft smile on her face. “You’re incredible,” Kara added quietly. At that Lena really did stumble, and she probably would have face planted thanks to her damn gay brain if Kara hadn’t somehow managed to grab her arm and keep her upright.

“Th-thanks,” Lena stuttered. Kara’s grip on her arm was firm and she could feel the heat of her hand through her thin blouse. Kara made a jerky motion with her head that caused her glasses to slip down, and Lena flushed when blue eyes scanned over her, finally stopping to stare into her own green eyes. Neither woman blinked, both staring as their faces flushed.

“Miss Luthor, are you alright?” Jess asked.

“Oh, yes! I’m fine Jess,” Lena replied quickly, turning from Kara to give her secretary a shaky smile. “Kara,” Lena whispered after a moment when Kara still hadn’t let go of her arm.

“Oh, right, sorry!” Kara released her arm and stepped back, her hands fisting at her sides. She squirmed slightly as Lena watched, obviously feeling the sudden awkwardness as well. “Uh, anyway, you don’t need to apologize about the elevator thing. Really. I coulda taken the stairs if I really wanted to.” Before Lena could do more than snort at the ridiculousness of that- they were over eighty floors up- Kara was already walking over to Jess with a bright grin to introduce herself. “Hi! I’m Kara Danvers, Miss Luthor’s new… uh…” Kara trailed off awkwardly and turned to Lena, a slight panic in her eyes.

“Don’t worry Miss Danvers,” Jess said smoothly. “I’m sure your… relationship was covered in one of the many NDA’s I’ve signed.” Oh. Oh no. Jess thought Kara was Lena’s girlfriend. Just the idea made Lena feel a fluttering in her stomach, so she hurriedly walked over, shaking her head slightly at Jess.

“Actually, Jess, Kara is my bodyguard,” Lena explained. Jess gave her an unimpressed look. “As you know I have been working with the government, and they… weren’t pleased with how often my security has been breached. I suppose they need me alive to complete my projects. And they probably weren’t happy when I took a day off last week,” Lena added thoughtfully.

“Lena!” Kara said in what was definitely a scolding tone. “Alex doesn’t care about any of that! Well, I mean, it’s her job so I’m sure she cares a little, but she just wants you to be safe. She wouldn’t have called me in if she didn’t care about you as a person.” Kara’s hands were on her hips, and she gave Lena little nod when she had finished.

“I’m fairly certain Agent Danvers only called you in because she was frustrated that I kept escaping the agents she had following me. When she informed me I was going to have a bodyguard she made sure to mention that she had trained you herself so I wouldn’t be able to give you the slip.” Lena gave Kara a wry smile, but Kara’s posture didn’t falter.

“Pffft, please, after putting up with me for thirteen years Alex probably just found your stubbornness endearing.” Kara rolled her eyes. “She couldn’t mention you by name cuz of some legal mumbo jumbo but nearly every time we talked she always told me about the brilliant, bratty scientist she was working with.”

“Thirteen years?” Lena asked, choosing to ignore Jess’s smirk at the ‘bratty’ comment. “Please tell me you aren’t somehow thirteen years old.”

“Huh? Oh, no. The Danvers adopted me thirteen years ago when my family… uh, died suddenly. I’m technically twenty-six.” Kara’s arms fell to her sides and she shrugged, her eyes misting over with unshed tears and her lips wobbling slightly as she tried to stop herself from crying.

“Ah. Well, I’m sorry for your loss,” Lena said quietly. She resisted the urge to ask how someone was _technically_ twenty-six.

“Thanks,” Kara said with a small sniffle. She gave Lena a wobbly smile and Lena offered a small but genuine one in return.

“Y’know,” Jess piped up, “Lena was also adopted. Though she was only four at the time. She’s twenty-seven now.” Lena glanced at Jess curiously and froze when she saw the eager, overly-friendly smile on Jess’s face. Jess was trying to bring up common ground to set them up. She was paying her to manage her schedule, not her love life!

“Anyway,” Lena said after clearing her throat awkwardly, “I need to get some work done. I have an extra laptop if you need something to do?” She directed the question to Kara, who gave her a surprised look but nodded eagerly. “Good. Follow me then.”

Lena led Kara into her office (it had been less than twenty-four hours but it was already impossible to tell a bomb had gone off in there- being rich had its perks) and handed her a laptop, telling her to make herself comfortable in the small sitting area she had set up, before settling in at her own desk and looking over the mountain of paperwork she needed to sign with sigh. This was going to be a long day.

///

“Aren’t you going to ask where we’re headed?” Lena asked Kara. They were sitting in the back of her car. She had had Kara wait to get in until after she’d told the driver where to go, and she was surprised Kara hadn’t asked where they were going yet. Surely she’d like some kind of warning, at the very least to plan for any potential assailants.

“Huh?” Kara stopped looking out the window and turned to face Lena, a small frown on her face. “You told your driver we’re going to the museum, right?”

“Uh, yeah. N-nevermind,” Lena stammered. Kara just shrugged and went back to staring out the window. Lena darted glances over at her several times, her mind racing. There was no way Kara could have heard that. The car was nearly soundproof, and she had made sure to whisper her desired location quietly. First Kara had somehow realized she had woken her up that morning, and now she knew where they were going? Kara either had inhumanly good hearing, or Lena was bugged. But since Lena checked herself for all manner of listening devices on a daily basis, and she had hacked the DEO to see if they had any she wasn’t aware of, the latter option didn’t seem viable.

Lena started going over what she knew of her bodyguard, beginning to end. Kara was strong. Sure, she had the muscles to back up her strength, but she hadn’t even seemed winded after carrying Lena through the DEO. Or sweaty. Kara was also very warm. And kind, and pretty- like, inhumanly pretty. She didn’t have a single blemish on her skin aside from the scar on her eyebrow. (Oh look her gay ramble came up with something useful.) Kara knew how to work with alien technology. Kara was at least somewhat immune to sleeping gas. Kara had super hearing, basically. Also, Lena found the protein bar from that morning a bit suspicious- the wrapper hadn’t had anything on it. No brand name or dietary information or anything. And finally, Kara had been adopted when she was thirteen by the Danvers. Which Lena had to admit was slightly odd- she hadn’t been in the orphanage long before Lionel had claimed her, but she still remembered the older kids bitterly saying that no one would adopt them. Alex Danvers worked with a secret agency that dealt with aliens, and she was something of a xenobiologist. Perhaps part of the reason for her career choice was because she had been introduced to the concept of benevolent aliens at a young age… in the form of her adopted sister. By the time the car pulled up in front of the museum Lena was pondering the significance of the Superman t-shirt.

“We’re here,” Kara announced. She turned to Lena with a challenging gleam in her eyes. “So, Lena, what’s it gonna be? Please don’t tell me you expect to get rid of me with the t-rex trick.” She gave Lena a wicked grin.

“Who says I’m trying to get rid of you?” Lena asked innocently, suppressing a smile.

“Uh huh. Sure, Lena,” Kara said with a roll of her eyes. “But you should know, Alex tried to get rid of me for nearly a year, and as you can see, she failed.” Kara grinned, gesturing at herself. “And she wasn’t exactly great at harmless pranks. I would definitely be dead if- well, nevermind.” Kara wrinkled her nose and hopped out of the car. Before Lena could even open her own door Kara had appeared and pulled it open for her. She added inhuman speed to her list. And possibly some kind of invulnerability based on that last comment (and knowing Agent Danvers' penchant for blowing things up).

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena said with a small smile, taking Kara’s offered hand. (She hadn’t even gotten into the museum yet and she was already regretting wearing those damn boots.) “Now, since you mentioned you hadn’t been to National City before, how about we tour the museum?”

///

Touring the museum had been a bad idea. A terrible one, in fact. Kara was looking at everything with wide eyes and child-like wonder and Lena found it adorable. She had to stop several times and place a calming hand over her heart to try to get her traitorous heartbeat under control. Kara would occasionally shoot her confused glances, and Lena had the distinct feeling that the woman could actually hear her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest. Dammit. Still, she persevered with her plan for assessing Kara’s… prankableness. Was that a word? Well it was now.

After walking through the exhibits on Egypt and Rome, and following a hypervigilant yet seemingly bored Kara through one featuring dinosaurs, the two women came to an exhibit on Earth’s formation that had been arranged as a maze. Kara read all of the plaques and text boxes on the wall as they walked through, occasionally scoffing at some of the more theoretical parts. Especially the one about how the dinosaurs had gone extinct. Well then. Apparently aliens _had_ had something to do with that. Interesting.

It wasn’t until they reached the part of the maze that branched off into three pathways that Lena realized something- when she’d planned this part she hadn’t known Kara was claustrophobic. Fuck.

“Uh, Kara,” Lena began hurriedly, “how about we go this way?” She grabbed Kara’s arm and pulled her to the left. Kara followed a few steps before halting. Lena tugged persistently but Kara was immovable. She was definitely inhumanly strong.

“Is this the part where the whole maze falls on me and you skip off into the sunset?” Kara asked wryly. Lena bit her lip.

“This is the part where I had a trapdoor set up for you down the right passageway that would have dropped you into a pit waist-deep in packing peanuts and the size of a tall closet. But now I know you have claustrophobia, and despite what the tabloids say I’m not always a cold-hearted bitch,” Lena blurted, her face flushing. Kara stared at her in shock.

“I, uh. Yeah that would be… not good.” Kara gulped and glanced to the right passageway warily, before starting down the left one with Lena, who still had one hand loosely grasping her arm. “Thanks. I barely managed the elevator rides- I don’t think I could’ve dealt with that too. And uh, for the record, I don’t think you’re cold-hearted. Or a-a-a b… b-word. So um, thanks,” Kara mumbled.

“A b-word?” Lena asked, her voice ripe with amusement. She was silently relieved that Kara trusted her enough to believe what she’d said and follow her away from the danger. “Does Kara Danvers refuse to curse? You do realize this is real life, not a children’s tv show?”

“I just think that I can find better words to describe what I’m trying to say. More interesting ones. Plus,” Kara added in an embarrassed voice, “Eliza really didn’t like it when I cussed. Something about Alex corrupting me.” Lena now understood why Agent Danvers cursed all the time- she was still rebelling over a decade after the fact. Lena could respect that.

“Hmmm, it’s a pity,” Lena said slyly. “Using foul language is quite enjoyable. Don’t worry though, Kara, I’m sure I’ll have you screaming curse words soon enough.” Lena’s cheeks turned pink when she realized how that sounded. Luckily Kara was oblivious. Alien genius or not, Lena was beginning to wonder if liking Kara meant she was moronsexual.

“I doubt it,” Kara said happily. “So, what’s next on the prank parade?”

“The prank parade? Really-” Lena’s retort was cut short when they turned a corner and came face to mask with a behemoth of a man wielding a gun. Lena yelped in surprise, but Kara didn’t even bat an eye, reaching out and shoving the gun upwards before slamming the heel of her hand under the man’s chin. His head snapped back with a sickening pop and he slumped to the ground unconscious. He hadn’t even had time to say anything at their arrival, much less pull the trigger.

“Good to know museums don’t usually smell like gun powder and blood, I guess,” Kara commented absentmindedly. “Hey, Lena, should we just call museum security and the police or do you wanna call Alex?”

“Alex,” Lena murmured, too shell-shocked to realize she’d called the agent by her first name.

“Okee dokee.” Kara pulled out her phone and called her sister while Lena swallowed her hysterical laughter at someone who could take down someone twice her size in a split second using the phrase ‘okee dokee’.

///

It took less than ten minutes for DEO agents to arrive and drag the unconscious man out of the museum. By the time she was alone with Kara again, Lena had composed herself and was debating whether or not she should use her backup museum plan since her bodyguard _had_ just saved her life. Upon realizing she was being sucked into Kara’s spell, however, she threw her shoulders back and speed walked through the rest of the maze, Kara easily staying by her side yet thankfully remaining silent.

When they came to the exhibit showcasing the creatures of the deep blue sea, Kara gave a delighted gasp and started bouncing up and down in excitement.

“I love sea creatures!” Kara exclaimed. “Seriously, Lena, if you’re gonna throw me into a tank at the aquarium please please please make it the octopus tank. I’ve read so many cool stories online and I wanna meet one up close and personal!”

“I don’t think I’m strong enough to throw you into anything,” Lena responded. “Now, let’s have a look around, shall we?”

They walked around the perimeter of the room, Kara ooh-ing and ah-ing at all of the displays. The blonde clearly enjoyed the cases with animal sculptures and information about said animals the most, but she seemed fairly interested in the showcased technology used to make certain deep sea discoveries as well. Lena wondered if she found the devices advanced or primitive.

The two women finally made their way to a corner of the room where some large curtains framed what seemed to be a short, cave-like structure. At the back of the cave was a faint glow, and Kara started to slide her glasses down. Her non-prescription glasses, Lena noted worriedly. She bumped into Kara to stop her from using what she assumed to be her enhanced vision, and the blonde looked over at her questioningly.

“Oh, sorry,” Lena said in the most nonchalant tone she could fake. “I really shouldn’t have worn these shoes- I guess I forgot just how big this place is. I think I’ll rest here a moment.” She sat down on a nearby bench and the sigh of relief at being off of her aching feet was entirely real. “You can go see what’s in that exhibit if you want. You’ve already fended off one attacker today- and even if there are more you won’t be too far away.” Lena made a slight shooing motion with her hands and Kara shot her a knowing look. For a moment Lena worried she’d plop down beside her on the bench, but with a slight shake of her head Kara walked into the large, cave-like room.

As soon as her bodyguard had reached the back of the room, Lena reached into her purse and pressed a button. The curtains fell away and revealed a giant blue whale. The large exhibit started moving upwards at a slant thanks to a system of automated pulleys Lena herself had designed, and the other museum patrons gasped as the large creature moved, several snapping pictures or taking videos. In a few minutes it was hanging back in its normal spot- several stories above the ground, with the sea mural on the ceiling a lovely backdrop to the seemingly floating whale. Once the structure had come to a stop, rocking only slightly, Lena allowed herself a well-earned smirk. She knew by now Kara would have read what she’d had a museum employee write on the back of the whale in glowing paint- _See you in a few hours_.

Lena watched the whale for a moment before slipping through a door marked ‘Employees Only’ and booking it to the exit. If Kara really was an alien, which Lena was about 70% sure of at this point, a suspended whale caricature wouldn’t hold her long. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out automatically to check the notification.

**really lena? you trapped me in a blue whale. how is this better than the closet full of peanuts? at least i could have had a snack :(**

Lena came to a stop and blinked at her screen several times. Kara did know that packing peanuts weren’t edible, right? Well, maybe they were with her alien physiology. Did styrofoam taste good to her? Lena’s face scrunched up in disgust at the thought.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” A man appeared in front of Lena. Or at least, she thought he was a man. He was lanky and even shorter than her, his skin a murky green hue and the backs of his arms covered in large spikes. He bared his teeth in a grotesque grin, their sharp points glinting menacingly under the artificial lights. “A little Luthor, all by her lonesome. Wanna play, Luthor?”

“Not particularly,” Lena said stiffly. Maybe she should have waited to ditch Kara. She could hold her own against humans, but an alien whose abilities she didn’t know? She gulped and took a small step back. The alien’s grin grew wider in response.

“Too bad, Luthor. My brothers didn’t want to die, but your family didn’t give them a choice. Now it’s your turn.” His eyes narrowed and he raised both of his arms, pointing the spikes at Lena. She threw her purse at him and dashed into a small hallway off to the side, kicking off her heels as she ran. 

Her heart was pounding, her breaths ragged as she pumped her arms, trying to remember the museum’s blueprint. She hurtled around several corners, slipping and slamming into the walls a few times and sending spikes of pain through her bruised ribs. By the time an exit sign came into sight Lena was gasping for breath. She burst out of the doors, triggering the fire alarm, but didn’t stop. She sprinted through the back parking lot and started zigging and zagging when a spiky green projectile buried itself in the concrete a few feet to her left.

“Looks like you wanted to play after all, Luthor!” A gleeful voice exclaimed. The alien’s maniacal laugh rang out behind her, and Lena’s fear pushed her to run even faster. She reached the edge of the parking lot and tried to jump over the concrete bumper in her path but she had misjudged just how much energy she had and her foot caught on it, sending her sprawling. Lena raised her arms to shield her face, closing her eyes in anticipation of the impact. None came.

“I still can’t believe you tried to trap me in a blue whale suspended from the ceiling,” an amused voice said. Lena opened her eyes as two sturdy arms set her gently on her feet. She looked at Kara in surprise, glancing back at the parking lot nervously. The alien who had tried to kill her was laying on the ground, unconscious.

“W-well,” Lena stammered, “blue whales are the largest animals on Earth. So I figured the life-sized exhibit, and the open mouth, wouldn’t trigger your claustrophobia. I’d already had to scrap one plan.” Lena’s eyes strayed back to the unconscious alien several feet away and she lost her voice.

“Hey, Lena. Lena,” Kara said softly. “Look at me, not him.” A warm hand reached up and gently grasped Lena’s chin, turning her head away from her attacker. “You’re okay. And I just texted Alex, so the DEO is on the way.”

“M’kay,” Lena mumbled. She tried to look back at the alien but Kara didn’t let go of her chin.

“While we wait for them, why don’t you tell me what happened?” Kara prompted. Lena’s heart was racing and her breathing was ragged. Kara hoped having her recount the tale, having her focus on the facts, would help distract her from the fact that the alien was still very close by.

“I, uh, well,” Lena stammered. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut in a vain attempt to stop her tears. A few slipped down her cheeks, and she felt Kara’s hand disappear from her chin, only for two warm hands to cup her face. She opened her eyes in surprise when Kara gently swiped her tears away with her thumbs.

“Just focus on me, Lena,” Kara said in a soft, soothing voice. “You’re okay. You’re safe. Take a deep breath. Good, good. Now hold it. Okay, and release. Now let’s do it again.” Kara cradled Lena’s face and breathed with her, her cerulean eyes staring into Lena’s the entire time. Lena raised her hands up and latched onto Kara’s forearms, keeping the blonde’s hands in place and tethering herself in the process.

Several minutes later, once Lena’s breathing had evened out and her heart had mostly calmed down, she let her arms fall back to her sides. Kara, taking the hint, let her hands fall as well. Lena’s eyes broke away from Kara’s achingly gentle ones and she stared down at her feet, unable to look at the blonde.

“I’m sorry,” Lena whispered.

“You apologize too much,” Kara said easily. Lena’s head jerked up at that and she looked at Kara incredulously, not noticing the black SUV’s pulling up.

“I trapped you in a giant whale dangling from the ceiling and had to have you save me less than ten minutes later!” Lena yelled. “I don’t even know how you got to me in time to save me! And instead of thanking you for saving my life I start freaking out and you have to calm me down! What part of all that shouldn’t I apologize for?!” Her voice broke at the end and she scrubbed at her face with her hands, frustrated at her own weakness. “And now I’m yelling at you. Fucking perfect. Great job, Lena.”

“Hey, no.” Large hands encircled Lena’s wrists and pulled her own hands away from her face. “Lena, you don’t need to be sorry for feeding me to a fake whale,” Kara told her with a small grin. “I actually thought it was pretty funny. And you pulled it off well, even if your acting was terrible.” Kara pulled Lena into a hug, and the young Luthor felt herself sinking into the other woman’s warmth immediately. “And there’s no need for you to apologize because some jerk face tried to hurt you. The jerk face should be the one apologizing- to you. Besides, I already told you I’d protect you- I mean, it’s literally my job, but if I had met you some other way I’m pretty sure I’d protect you regardless. And you _especially_ don’t need to apologize for freaking out.” Kara tightened her hold on Lena slightly as the brunette began to shake with silent sobs. “You had every right to be scared, Lena. He may have claimed it was for vengeance, which isn’t even valid since what happened was in no way your fault, but he was essentially hunting you down for the sport of it.” Kara rubbed a hand up and down Lena’s back slowly as she glared at the alien currently being handcuffed and dragged into a waiting SUV. “So you have nothing to apologize for.” Kara held Lena silently after that, though she continued to rub her back soothingly. Once the woman’s sobs had subsided into small sniffles, Alex walked over.

“What happened?” Alex asked, her voice the gentlest Lena had ever heard it.

“Uh, well, ya see,” Kara began when it was clear Lena wasn’t going to answer, “we came straight here from L-Corp and started exploring. Or, well, I mean I was exploring. Lena was mostly humoring me-”

“So she could ditch you in some elaborate way befitting a genius billionaire?” Alex interjected dryly. Lena tensed, but Kara just chuckled.

“Yeah. She was nice about it though. I told her about my claustrophobia after an elevator ride so she spared me the trapdoor that would have dropped me into a tiny space full of peanuts-” Kara’s stomach growling interrupted her own talking and Alex snorted.

“Packing peanuts aren’t real peanuts,” Lena mumbled, face still buried into the crook of Kara’s neck.

“They aren’t? Why are they called that then?” Kara asked. “Well, anyway, we got to the deep sea exhibit and looked around, and Lena oh so casually decided to sit out a weird little cave exhibit because she was wearing impractically tall heels that made her feet hurt-”

“You called me short last night. What was I supposed to do?” Lena retorted, her voice small but defiant. “You were still taller than me even with the boots,” she grumbled.

“Sorry.” Kara was shaking with suppressed laughter, and Lena pulled back slightly, swatting her on the arm. Kara didn’t let go of her though, so Lena took advantage and leaned against her again, resting her head on the blonde’s shoulder, her own arms wrapped tightly around Kara’s waist. If her latest rescue hadn’t proven to her that her bodyguard wasn’t human, this embrace would’ve- she’d been clinging so tightly to Kara when she’d been crying that any human definitely would’ve squirmed in discomfort, if not pulled away in outright pain, yet Kara hadn’t made a peep.

“Lemme guess,” Alex drawled, “the cave ended up being the ‘giant whale dangling from the ceiling’?” Alex had hopped out of her SUV just in time for Lena’s outburst, and she was still shocked at how tactile the young CEO was allowing her sister to be.

“Yup!” Kara affirmed cheerfully.

“And then she somehow escaped the whale and caught up to me, knocking out my attacker and even managing to catch me before I could fall,” Lena added quietly, peeking at Agent Danvers over her shoulder. The agent’s eyes narrowed and she looked up at Kara, crossing her arms and opening her mouth, clearly about to go on a tirade (if Lena’s experiences with her lectures were anything to go by).

“Hey, I was careful!” Kara blurted before Alex could explode. “I texted you guys when I heard Lena was in danger, and I waited longer than I honestly should’ve until she caused the fire alarm to go off- which distracted people enough that I was able to slip away unnoticed. Even if the fire alarm hadn’t gone off though I probably would’ve only been able to wait another few seconds,” Kara mumbled.

Lena was fairly certain Kara was going to get a lecture anyway, but another agent walked up and told Agent Danvers they needed to get back. Alex pinched the bridge of her nose and waved him away.

“I expect to see you both at the DEO at eighteen hundred sharp, got it?” Alex finally growled. At Lena and Kara’s meek nods she leveled them with one last glare before stomping off, quickly disappearing into a black SUV that smoothly exited the lot. The two women, still embracing, watched the departure silently.

“Uh, Lena,” Kara started, sounding somewhat ashamed, “I’m actually the one who needs to apologize. To you. I heard that guy threatening you, and I could’ve been there a lot sooner. I _should’ve_ been there a lot sooner. I just, well,” Kara paused and dragged a hand through her blonde curls, messing up her hair in a way Lena could only describe as _very distracting_ , “I didn’t realize he was an alien. And I figured you could hold off a human assailant long enough for me to find an opening to escape without being noticed. I was really just being a coward because I… I’m not ready to have to face the world and its expectations. And you… y-you could’ve died because… because of me. Because I hesitated. So I’m sorry. And I promise I’ll do better.”

Earnest blue eyes met Lena’s and she gulped at the pure emotion swimming in their depths. No one had ever looked at her like that before. Like they actually cared about her. Like she actually mattered to them beyond what she could do for them.

“Okay,” Lena whispered, unable to look away. “I… I don’t really understand everything you’re saying. And now isn’t the time to explain,” she added quickly, pressing her finger to Kara’s lips to halt the oncoming deluge of words, “but I think I get it. So how about for now we go home until it’s time to go to the DEO, and then tomorrow we can go shopping?”

“A-alright,” Kara stammered, her face a lovely shade of crimson. Her stomach growled again and the blush deepened for a different reason. “Uh, can we order some take-out? Preferably pizza and potstickers…” Kara got an absolutely dreamy look on her face.

“Sure. Whatever the hell potstickers are,” Lena added under her breath. Kara gave her a horrified look.

“How do you not know what potstickers are?”

“Kara, I haven’t even seen any Disney movies. The Luthor household didn’t exactly provide a normal childhood,” Lena drawled. Kara looked downright offended.

“Take-out and Disney movies until it’s time to face Alex then. Don’t worry, I have a Disney+ account.” Kara beamed and Lena wondered if maybe she had died after all, or at least been put into a coma. How else could she explain the turn her day had just taken?

“Alright. Why not?” Lena asked with a laugh.

“Good. We can start with _Lilo & Stitch_. It’s my favorite.” Kara gave her a lopsided smile and Lena felt her heartbeat speed up a bit. Oh boy.

“We can order the food once we get home. For now…” Lena trailed off. She was trying to decide if she should try to walk back on her aching feet (first those damn heels- which she really didn’t care enough about to retrieve from the museum- and then sprinting across a parking lot barefoot) or just suck it up and ask Kara to carry her again when Kara made the decision for her by scooping her up into her arms.

“Thanks,” Lena said tiredly. She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder. “Wait, I need to call my driver. But I threw my purse…” Lena groaned. “Fuck.”

“Actually,” Kara said with a small grin, “agents had to go around collecting all of the… alien bits… oh ew that sounded gross… well anyway they grabbed your purse and boots too- that’s really close to puss and boots,” Kara mused. “I’m more of a dog person but he’s a cool cat. Ooh we should watch _Shrek_ next.”

“Kara, focus,” Lena grumbled good-naturedly.

“Oops, sorry.” Kara chuckled as she walked over to the curb that had tripped Lena, stooping down so Lena could grab her things before straightening up again, no problem at all. Lena pulled her phone out of her surprisingly-spike-free purse and texted her driver to pick them up in the back parking lot of the museum.

“The car should be here shortly,” Lena told Kara, relaxing into the bridal hold as her eyes drooped shut. “I know I said now’s not the time, but I would like one question answered, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah?”

“Exactly how strong are you?” Lena asked, forcing herself to not sound too eager. Because yes, she wanted to know as a scientist… but she also wanted to know as a lesbian cuz damn.

“Last I checked I’m stronger than Superman,” Kara said like it was no big deal. Lena’s eyes snapped open and she stared at her in shock.

“No fucking way.” Oh she definitely had to test this. She wondered if Superman would agree to arm wrestle Kara while she watched…


	3. You really think changing your hairstyle and wearing glasses is going to keep people from recognizing you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally updated, oooooh.  
> I also edited the first two chapters a little cuz in chapter one I said Lena was turning 27 in a month then in chapter two I said she was 28. Cuz that’s how ages work. ;-;  
> Anyway Lena will now be turning 28 in a month, and she gooped Lillian when she was 8. This will be important later.

The town car’s arrival pulled Lena from her increasingly… unprofessional thoughts. The driver, a woman named Eve who had been thoroughly vetted by both Lena’s team _and_ the DEO, hurried out and opened the back door. Lena had expected Kara to set her down on the ground so she could climb into the car on her own, but she found herself easily situated in the seat. Right. Super strength probably made carefully putting someone in a car easier. Super strength. Stronger than Superman… Lena really needed to know the significance of that damn t-shirt now.

Kara quickly rounded the car, already buckling herself in by the time the driver had closed her door. Lena gave Eve their destination and leaned back against her seat, closing her eyes as she struggled to process everything that happened. Kara was an alien. An alien who had risked her anonymity to save a Luthor. Even knowing how kind Kara was, it was difficult to wrap her head around.

“Are you alright?” Kara asked quietly. They had been sitting in silence for nearly twenty minutes, and Kara didn’t really do well with silence, even if she _could_ hear pretty much everything going on in the city. Relative silence still counted as silence. Plus she was worried about Lena.

“I’m fine, Kara, really.” Lena opened her eyes and gave her otherworldly bodyguard a tired smile. “Today has just been… exhausting, is all.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara said quietly.

“Now who’s apologizing too much?” Lena asked teasingly, a small half smile on her face. Kara rolled her eyes, but reached out and grabbed Lena’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Blue eyes met green as both blushed, quickly turning away to look out their respective windows. Their hands remained clasped until the car stopped, though.

Once they were back in her apartment, Lena very grateful that they were able to enter without being seen since Kara had insisted on carrying her (not that she’d put up much of a fight), Lena went into her bedroom to change while Kara ordered the food.

Lena emerged clad in her MIT sweatshirt and short black shorts, fuzzy green-and-black striped socks on her feet, her hair in loose waves and her face makeup free. Kara stared at her even more than she had that morning, a fierce blush on her face. Lena just smirked, holding out the blue Superman t-shirt.

“Thanks!” Kara squeaked. She unbuttoned the shirt she’d borrowed that morning, once again flashing Lena, who bit her lip and decided to appreciate what she had now decided was her reward for not being an evil Luthor. Or a bald one (it had been very difficult to not pull her own hair out when dealing with the mess her family had left behind, okay).

Kara slipped out of the shirt and handed it to Lena, grabbing the t-shirt with her other hand. She looked up when Lena didn’t let go, noticing her darkened gaze. Kara’s eyes widened as she looked down at herself.

“Oh Rao,” Kara whispered. The t-shirt disappeared from Lena’s hand and before she could blink Kara had pulled it over her head and was staring at Lena with wide blue eyes, her blonde hair wonderfully messy and her glasses askew. “Sorry,” Kara mumbled.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, darling,” Lena purred. Kara’s cheeks burned brighter even as her own eyes shifted to a dark blue in response. Luckily, or unluckily in Lena’s opinion, the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of their food. Kara startled and turned to face the door, slipping her glasses down before smiling.

“Foo~ooood,” Kara sing-songed. She practically skipped over to the door.

“Kara,” Lena called, amused. Kara turned, a pout already beginning to form at having to wait to get food. Lena just tutted before pulling some money out of her pocket and holding it out. There was a blast of wind and Kara was opening the door, the cash clutched in one hand. Lena stood silently, mouth hanging open, as Kara cheerfully paid for the food. When Kara had closed and locked the door, she turned to see Lena still frozen in shock.

“What?” Kara asked.

“You- I knew you were fast, but… fuck,” Lena swore softly. “How fast are you?”

“I dunno.” Kara shrugged. “Never really tested it out, I guess,” she explained at Lena’s incredulous look. Lena frowned at that, but before she could further question Kara, or demand that they go to L-Corp immediately so she could build a super speedometer, the doorbell rang again. Kara set the pizza on the kitchen table before going back to the door, once again looking over her glasses before opening it. Chinese takeout acquired, Kara set it beside the pizza and just stood there a moment, inhaling deeply.

“What’s with the glasses?” Lena blurted.

“Huh? Oh, these?” Kara pulled her glasses off and held them out. Lena walked over and took them, examining them as Kara got some plates… out of the first cabinet she opened. Lena had an unnecessary amount of cabinets, in her own opinion, and she doubted Kara had taken the time to memorize the layout of her kitchen that morning. Which meant-

“You have x-ray vision, don’t you?” Lena breathed in awe, several things slotting into place. Why Kara had slipped her glasses down and stared at the door, why she’d scanned Lena after she’d stumbled at L-Corp, how she’d known something was up just by staring at the divider in the town car.

“Yup!” Kara stuffed a potsticker into her mouth, moaning at the taste. Lena ignored the swooping sensation in her belly at the sound. “The glasses are made of lead, so they help dampen my powers a little.”

“Kara-”

“If you don’t grab some food I’m gonna eat it all,” Kara interrupted. The greedy glint in her eyes told Lena that she was being 100% serious, so she quickly piled some food onto her plate.

Deciding that Kara was too fixated on her own food to answer any more questions, Lena led her into the living room and they both plopped down onto the couch, Kara quickly pulling up _Lilo & Stitch_.

///

The food was long gone, and the movie had ended a few minutes ago. Lena and Kara were side by side on the couch, and at some point during the movie, Kara had burrowed into Lena’s side (not the one with the bruised ribs, thankfully). The blonde was now curled up on the couch, head on Lena’s shoulder and both arms encircling Lena’s waist.

“Th-this movie is so- so good,” Kara wailed quietly. Lena looked down to see tears running down her cheeks as she sniffled.

“Oh, darling, why are you crying?” Lena murmured. She ran her fingers through Kara’s thick blonde hair, reaching over with her other hand to cup the woman’s cheek.

“It- it’s just… I’m Stitch,” Kara said thickly. “I’m Stitch and I came to Earth all alone and Lilo is Alex and I… I’m just so happy for him and for me but…” Kara hid her face in Lena’s chest, and the hand that had been cupping her cheek fell down to grasp one of her hands instead. “I miss my first home,” Kara whispered brokenly. “I miss my parents and my family and my friends. I miss everything from the language of my people to the way the sun bathed everything in a warm red hue. I love Earth and I love my family and friends here but I still miss my home.”

“I can understand that,” Lena said quietly. “At least a little, I mean. Even though I’m helping a lot of people by being a Luthor right now, I still miss my life from before I was adopted. I miss my mother, my house, the way the air smelled after it rained.” Lena paused a moment, closing her eyes, before continuing. “It’s alright to miss what you used to have, Kara. It doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate what you have now.”

“I know,” Kara agreed quietly, her sad blue eyes darting up to meet Lena’s. “Sometimes it just kinda overwhelms me.”

“Life has a way of doing that,” Lena said wryly, and Kara chuckled.

“Yeah.”

Lena continued combing her fingers through Kara’s hair until the woman’s breathing evened out and she let out a small, content sigh.

“Kara, if you don’t mind my asking, what planet _are_ you from?” Lena felt Kara tense slightly and when she pulled away from her Lena felt the loss immediately. Kara stood and started pacing in front of the couch.

“So. Uh. I guess we needed to have this conversation at some point,” Kara began, quickly scrubbing the evidence of her tears away. “And now probably is the best time since we need to go to the DEO in a few hours and Alex is definitely going to lecture both of us and I figure you should probably hear it from me. So.” Kara stopped abruptly and stared at Lena, her brow crinkled as she worried her bottom lip.

“I promise I’m not a xenophobe if that’s what you’re worried about,” Lena said, a hint of bitterness creeping into her voice. Kara just shook her head.

“No. I know you’re not. It’s just… you might find it kind of weird,” Kara said, clearly uncomfortable. Lena raised an eyebrow, and Kara grimaced. “Okay, so, what all have you figured out about me?”

“Well, I know you have super speed. Obviously,” Lena drawled. “X-ray vision has also been confirmed. You said you’re stronger than Superman. Based on the text you sent me early this morning and the fact that you knew we were going to the museum you likely have super hearing. Some kind of invulnerability as well since you survived being Alex Danvers’ sister,” Lena smiled when Kara snorted, “an enhanced sense of smell based on your comment at the museum about gun powder and blood, and- oh fuck.” Lena stared at the Superman shirt with wide eyes, looking from it to Kara’s nervous smile and back. “You said your planet had a red sun?”

“Yeah.”

“Kara, what’s your name?” Lena watched her nervously. Kara straightened up, a proud smile on her face.

“I am Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Kara declared. “Though nowadays anytime that’s said I’m usually in trouble,” she muttered after, deflating slightly and wincing at some past memory.

“You’re Kryptonian.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah.” Kara nodded. She reached up and fiddled with her glasses before carefully taking a seat on the couch again. Lena watched her silently. “Superman is my, uh, baby cousin.”

“He’s older than you,” Lena said flatly. She’d had to deal with the suspicious hero several times, and he was definitely older than the blonde perched nervously on her couch. The comment about Kara being _technically_ twenty-six rang in her ears.

“Not really?” Kara shifted uncomfortably. “I was thirteen when Kal was born. We were both sent here at the same time, but… my pod got knocked off course.” Kara’s hands gripped her knees so hard the fabric of her pants tore slightly. “I ended up in the Phantom Zone. So while Kal was growing up on Earth, I was frozen in time. I’m still not sure how I got here, but my baby cousin was already Superman when I landed.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “My mother told me to protect him but I couldn’t. He was raised by a human family because I failed.” Her voice broke and before she’d even made the conscious decision to Lena was reaching for her.

As soon as she’d wrapped her arms around her Kara’s rigid body had gone limp and she’d sagged into Lena, both of them now curled into the couch.

“You didn’t fail, darling,” Lena said quietly. She hugged Kara closer to her as the woman shook her head. “No, you didn’t. It wasn’t your fault that you weren’t there for him. There was no way you could have stopped your… pod from being knocked off course.” Lena began combing her fingers through Kara’s hair again. “Your cousin is a hero now, right?” Kara mumbled her agreement. “Exactly. It may not have turned out how your mother planned, but Kal grew up to be a good person.” Even if he thought she was automatically evil because of her last name. Lena managed to avoid saying that, but she couldn’t help but blurt out something else: “Your mother shouldn’t have tasked you with raising an infant anyway. You were just a child!”

“I was the only family Kal would have here. Our planet exploded. I saw it happen,” Kara whispered.

“Still,” Lena insisted. “A child shouldn’t have to raise another child.” Kara was quiet for awhile, thoughtful.

“Yeah.” Kara tilted her head and kissed Lena on the cheek. “Thanks Lena.”

///

When Kara and Lena entered the DEO, Kara still wearing the shirt with her house’s crest and Lena dressed in casual business clothes and wearing light makeup, every agent they passed gave them pitying looks. Lena’s shoulders grew stiffer with each passing grimace, and one look at Kara showed her that her bodyguard was resigned to their fate.

“Agent Danvers is on the war path,” Vasquez whispered to Kara. “She’s expecting both of you in her office.”

“Yeah,” Kara said miserably. “I know the drill.” Lena would have laughed at the mopey look on Kara’s face if she wasn’t also familiar with the wrath of Alex Danvers.

Dreading what was to come, the two women stepped into the small office. Alex was sitting behind her desk, and she gestured for them to sit on the uncomfortably rigid chairs facing her. Once they were both seated, she leveled them with a dark look. Kara gulped.

“Well?” Alex asked. Her voice was low and even, only her eyes betraying her anger.

“Well what?” Kara blurted. Lena groaned and put her head in her hands. Kara may have survived this long because of her invulnerability, but Lena wasn’t so lucky. It was like her bodyguard was _trying_ to get her killed right now.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Alex growled, but Kara cut her off, turning to Lena with a pout.

“See? Only when I’m in trouble.”

Lena swallowed a laugh, but not quickly enough judging by the furious eyes now turned to her.

“Kara, quit getting me in trouble,” Lena muttered. She’d said it so quietly she herself couldn’t hear it, and while she wasn’t the best ventriloquist, she didn’t think Alex had noticed her mumbling. Kara gave her an apologetic glance and Lena scowled at her to stop herself from smiling.

“You two are acting like children in the principal’s office,” a deep voice said. Lena startled and jerked her head around to see the Director of the DEO had entered the office. Silently. Even though the door was closed. How???

“J’onn!” Kara said happily. She was out of her seat and giving the man a bear hug before Lena could make a sound. “I haven’t seen you in months!” Kara pulled back, beaming. “So, did you ever ask M’gann out? Cuz I know you said it wasn’t like that but I saw the way you were looking at her and I think she likes you too!” Kara gasped. “You two could go on double dates with Alex and Kelly! James refuses to go on double dates with his sister, so-”

“Kara,” Alex interrupted tiredly. “You’re in trouble, remember?”

“Huh? Why?” Kara turned to Alex, pout firmly in place.

“Because,” the Director began sternly, “you took a risk today. Flying out of that whale could have revealed your identity. And with the way your cousin chooses to spend his time, the public would likely expect the same of you. Are you ready to have to protect an entire city? Or even an entire planet?” He crossed his arms, raising his eyebrows at Kara as he finished.

“No,” Kara said miserably, her head ducked. Lena now understood her comment about not being ready to face the world.

“Exactly. And you,” the Director turned to Lena. “Why do you insist on pranking everyone who is trying to protect you? I am amazed you are even still alive, Miss Luthor.”

“I can take care of myself,” Lena said evenly. “Usually,” she added a moment later. She probably would have been dead if she’d met that spiky alien without her own alien backup.

“Lena’s a badass,” Kara added helpfully.

“I’m impressed she’s getting you to cuss,” Alex said, surprised.

“Can’t deny the facts.” Kara gave them all a wide grin, and Lena had to bite her lip to stop herself from grinning as well. She needed to treat this like a business meeting, dammit. Kara needed to tone down her cuteness! Oh dear, Lena was past the point of no return, wasn’t she? Oh well. If she was going to fall, she might as well fall for a Super. Luthors weren’t supposed to love, or get along with Supers, so two birds one stone and all that.

“Still-” the man began.

“Director,” Lena cut him off, “I have told both you and Agent Danvers countless times that I do not consent to having a bodyguard or any kind of protective detail. You can monitor me all you’d like while I’m here working, but I won’t submit to being watched by the government every second of every day. Lex is the one who committed the crimes, and he is serving his time. Why should I have to have someone spying on me all the time just because I share the same last name?”

“Spying on you?” Kara asked, tilting her head in confusion. Once again, Lena couldn’t help but picture her as a puppy. Was adorkableness another superpower? “I wasn’t spying on you. I mean, not like that. Well, wait, I guess when I was in the whale and using my x-ray vision and super hearing to monitor you I was technically spying on you?” Kara’s brow crinkled. “But I don’t think you’re gonna turn all evil or anything. You’re really nice. I just wanna protect you.”

“You’re telling me you don’t have _any_ ulterior motives?” Lena asked flatly. Because yes, Kara was nice, but no one was that nice. Everyone wanted something.

“Oh, I definitely do.” Kara nodded solemnly. “Your fridge is practically out of one of my nightmares. And at some point I need to get you back for telling me there were peanuts when there weren’t any.” Kara’s glare was rendered useless by the large smile tugging at her lips. “And I also want to see all of your fuzzy sock collection. Maybe steal some. We’ll see.” Kara shrugged, the brightest smile Lena had ever seen on her face. Were Kryptonians just sunlight incarnate on this planet?

“Alright then,” Lena murmured, eyes never leaving Kara’s radiant face. “Let’s make a deal. I won’t try to ditch you, and in exchange,” she turned to the Director and pointed at him, “you tell me why Kara called you J’onn when you introduced yourself to me as Hank Henshaw.”

Alex made a strangled sound and Kara squeaked. Apparently neither had noticed Kara’s little slip up. Well, actually, Kara may not have known. They hadn’t exactly discussed the Director of the DEO, and it hadn’t sounded like Alex had had much time to brief Kara on everything (likely because of Lena’s attempted escape, the realization of which made her smirk).

“Deal,” the Director said. As Lena watched the man in front of her was overtaken by a dull red light, and when it faded away he was taller. And dressed in something that screamed sci-fi movie. Oh yeah, and green. Very, very green. Okay then. “I am J’onn J’onzz, son of Mars.”

“You don’t look like any Martian I’ve ever seen,” Lena blurted. J’onn tilted his head curiously and she flushed slightly, looking away. “I may have, uh, built a small Mars rover when I was younger. And then promptly deleted the footage it sent back of a Martian destroying it because I had nightmares for weeks.” Lena shuddered. That creature was terrifying. She still wondered how the government’s Mars rover hadn’t caught any of them on camera. Someone had done a coverup, but on which planet?

“The White Martians wiped out the Green Martians hundreds of years ago,” J’onn said solemnly, a haunted look in his eyes. “I barely escaped to Earth. I lived here peacefully until I was hunted down by two members of the DEO: Hank Henshaw and Jeremiah Danvers. Jeremiah saved me from Henshaw and lost his life in doing so. I vowed to protect his daughters in his stead, so I took on the guise of Hank Henshaw and I have been running the DEO ever since.” He looked at Lena with earnest eyes and she decided she believed him, at least about this. There was an aura of sadness about him that just couldn’t be faked.

“Well,” Lena said, filing away the new information, “this certainly explains why the DEO stopped terrorizing and murdering _all_ aliens and now only goes after those attacking humans. You really should do something about your prison system though.” Lena’s brow furrowed and she gave the Martian a very judgmental look. “You’re holding aliens captive, in a tiny cell, without any sort of trial, for an unspecified amount of time that never seems to end. One of your captives has been here for over a decade and all he did was defend himself against an aggressive DEO agent.”

“You hacked us, didn’t you,” Alex said tiredly. It wasn’t a question.

“Your security is sad, really,” Lena replied distractedly. She hacked the DEO a few times a week, at least. “But regardless of where I acquired the information, what you’re doing is wrong.” She narrowed her eyes at J’onn, who frowned.

“I can only make gradual changes, Miss Luthor. If I try to change things too quickly I could be discovered.” J’onn shifted uncomfortably.

“So you’re letting people be treated cruelly to save yourself then?” Lena asked archly.

“He’d just be replaced by someone worse,” Alex cut in, defensive of her space dad. J’onn was doing the best he could!

“You have a plan, don’t you, Lena?” Kara asked. When Lena turned to face her she saw that Kara was smiling slightly, a mixture of hope and pride in her eyes. Lena pushed down the warmth in her chest at that open, adoring look, and focused back on the task at hand.

“Of course.” Lena reached out and grabbed Kara’s hand, dragging her around J’onn and yanking the door open. “I’ll be needing a week off, starting tomorrow. Now, if you’ll both excuse us, Kara and I have to get to work!” And with that Lena and Kara fled, leaving a stunned J’onn and Alex in their wake.

Later, Alex would be amazed that Lena went to such lengths to avoid one of her lectures.

///

Lena was curled up on her couch, gaze focused on her laptop and her fingers flying across the keys, when she suddenly realized the screen was out of sight and her neck was bent down at an awkward angle. Ah. Kara had been slowly pushing the laptop closed and Lena hadn’t noticed until she absolutely couldn’t see the screen anymore.

“Kara,” Lena grumbled. She glared up at the blonde, whose grin only widened in response.

“Nope. It’s break time, Lena. You started working on this at four in the morning and it’s almost six in the afternoon now. I barely got you to eat lunch. And it was Big Belly Burger, not one of those gross kale salads. I’m starting to wonder which one of us isn’t human.” Kara’s face scrunched up and Lena was distracted enough that all she could do was make an indignant grunt when her laptop disappeared from her lap, Kara snapping it closed with finality. “You said we’d go shopping today, remember? And the day is almost gone.” Kara raised her eyebrows expectantly but Lena just did her best to replicate the Kryptonian’s pout. She didn’t think she quite managed to pull it off, though Kara did smile at her effort. “If we go shopping I’ll make dinner.”

“You can cook?” Lena asked, her voice pitching up in surprise. Seriously, what couldn’t this damn alien do?

“Of course! I require a ridiculous amount of calories every day. Cooking is cheaper than eating out all the time.” Kara shrugged a bit self-consciously and Lena decided that yes, it was time to take a break, if only to keep her word (really she was just curious to see what her food-loving bodyguard would make).

“Fine. I’ll take a break and we can go shopping. But,” Lena emphasized, “while you’re cooking I need you to answer some more questions.”

“About my powers or my alien knowledge?” Kara asked curiously.

“Knowledge,” Lena said, smoothly standing and snatching her laptop from Kara. She plugged it in to charge before heading to her room to change. She continued speaking at the same volume, though, conscious of Kara’s super hearing. “My alien rehabilitation center needs to be able to accommodate as many species of aliens as possible. I don’t want someone to end up stuck at the DEO forever because I didn’t think to make their room escape-proof enough for the government to hand them over.”

Lena walked into her closet, looking thoughtfully at her array of clothes, before deciding she really didn’t feel like dealing with the press today (or ever). She quickly braided her hair, tugged a black hoodie over her t-shirt, and changed into some jeans. Slipping her socked feet into some sneakers, she grabbed a pair of large sunglasses and a beanie hat, stuffing her phone and wallet into the hoodie pocket as she walked back to the living room.

Once Kara had looked up at her entrance, Lena slipped on the glasses and beanie, spinning slightly to show off her covert look.

“You really think changing your hairstyle and wearing glasses is going to keep people from recognizing you?” Kara asked flatly.

“Lena Luthor doesn’t have an accent,” Lena pointed out, letting her Irish accent slip through. Kara’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Okay fine, your disguise is better than my cousin’s,” Kara grumbled playfully, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

“I find that concerning,” Lena said, enjoying how her accent made Kara’s eyes light up.

“He thinks glasses and a meek demeanor will fool everyone.”

Lena narrowed her eyes, her mind immediately running through the people she knew who matched that description and comparing them to Superman. Kara, realizing what she was doing, gave her a contemplative look, seemingly content to see if she came up with anyone. A certain annoying reporter came to mind and Lena grimaced.

“Please tell me Clark Kent isn’t Superman,” Lena whined. Actually whined. He was so annoying! Although his heavily biased articles made a lot more sense now. But still. Hero or not, he had definitely done well at making her life harder with his damn articles. ‘Twas rude as fuck.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” Kara said, the look on her face telling Lena she definitely thought she was pulling off the mysterious vibe she was going for. Lena gave Kara an unimpressed look and the woman’s face immediately melted into a pout. “Okay fine, you got it. Can we please go shopping now?”

“Of course, darling,” Lena said happily. She waltzed over to the door, grabbing Kara’s hand and tugging her along as well.

///

“Kara. Tell me again why you insisted we come… here.” Lena was looking around uncertainly, and she hadn’t let go of Kara’s hand since she’d grabbed it in the parking lot upon realizing where they were.

“Because the author only shops at Walmart.”

“What?”

“Nevermind. I like just the clothes here! Plus they have clothing _and_ food so we can get it all in one go.” Kara gave Lena a wide smile as she pulled another t-shirt off a hanger and dropped it into the cart. When Lena only held her hand tighter, glancing around warily as if she expected one of the random children running around to pull a knife, Kara decided to try a different route. “Getting it all done in one place means we can go home sooner and you can get back to plotting.”

“It’s not _plotting_ ,” Lena said with an indignant huff, “it’s _planning_. And this is important!”

“So is taking a break! Ooh, how about this one?” Kara held a black shirt with a certain plant decal up to her chest, looking at Lena expectantly. “What?” Kara asked when she saw Lena struggling to contain her laughter.

“N-nothing,” Lena managed to say. “Please, Kara, buy that shirt. Wear it next time you see Alex. Tell her you hated kale so much you decided to try marijuana instead.” Kara blanched and shoved the shirt back into the display.

“What about this one?” Kara pulled out a shirt with the stereotypical Martian image: a little green dude with a giant bulb head and large black eyes that stared into your soul and deemed you unworthy.

“As long as you promise to wear it in front of J’onn. I’m sure he has a good sense of humor,” Lena said, smirking. Kara shoved the shirt back into the display shelf so fast her arm was a blur.

“Y’know what, I already picked out three shirts. That’s enough.” Kara put her free hand on the cart and started moving towards the racks of pants, but Lena didn’t move, tugging slightly on the hand she held.

“Kara. You should have a week’s worth of shirts, at least. So you need three more new ones.” Lena tugged again and Kara shuffled back over.

“But I suck at picking them out.” Kara pouted and Lena smiled at her.

“Alright, how about… this one?” Lena rifled through a stack of shirts and pulled one out with a unicorn on it. She didn’t expect Kara to eagerly grab it and add it to the pile. Okay then. “And, this?” Lena offered her a sky blue shirt with a vibrant rainbow, and a delighted Kara added it to the cart. Finally, and very reluctantly, Lena silently handed Kara a shirt covered in cats and tacos with a generic space background. Kara snorted at the pained look on Lena’s face and added it to the cart with a flourish.

///

Food shopping was much less painful for Lena. Kara seemed to know exactly what she needed, easily filling their cart with everything from fresh fruit to ice cream. Once they had checked out, Eve helped them cram all of the food into the trunk and they were headed back.

“Now I have a week’s worth of clothes _and_ a week’s worth of food,” Kara said happily. Lena froze.

“That was only a week’s worth of food?” Lena asked weakly.

“Yup,” Kara said, popping the ‘p’ sound. She pulled a donut from… somewhere and took a disturbingly large bite. Once the donut had been polished off, as well as three more, Kara turned to Lena, sheepishly offering her the two left in the bag. “Sorry. I was hungry.”

Lena took the bag, pulling out a donut and taking a reasonably sized bite before scrutinizing Kara.

“Is your voracious appetite the reason you were eating an unmarked protein bar yesterday?” Lena asked. Kara’s face immediately scrunched up in disgust.

“Eugh. Yeah. It was just. So gross. They’re super high in calories but… ugh. Just thinking about it brings back the taste…” Kara trailed off, her eyes on the bag with the last donut. Lena handed it over without batting an eye- she’d honestly been surprised Kara had given her more than one. Kara accepted it with a broad grin, and a millisecond later Kara was moaning at the sugary taste, only half of the donut left in her hand. “Issho gooood. Fanks, ‘ena.”

“You can thank me by not talking with your mouth full, darling,” Lena drawled. She reached out and swiped her thumb across Kara’s cheek, looking at the pink frosting for a moment before licking it off her thumb.

Kara choked. When Lena looked up at her, amused, Kara grabbed a bottle of water and chugged the entire thing before finally looking back at Lena.

“You, uh, you- you have a tongue piercing,” Kara blurted, her face flushing.

“And?” Lena purred. Kara gulped, her face now as red as the tomatoes she’d picked out earlier.

“Nothing,” Kara squeaked.

Eve pulling to a stop in the underground parking garage for Lena’s apartment broke the spell, and Kara was out of her seat so fast Lena didn’t even see her car door open (or close) before her own door was being pulled open by an unusually silent Kara.


	4. Rhinos are just warrior unicorns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all this is fucking long....
> 
> sehjehb is kryptonese for cousin (i think)
> 
> song lyrics are from demi lovato’s ‘cool for the summer’
> 
> hope ya enjoy! ^^

Kara made lasagna. Lena found herself unable to look away as Kara prepped it all at super speed, somehow managing to focus on her cooking while also answering all of Lena’s questions.

“Aside from making the rehabilitation center out of nth metal and reinforcing practically everything, what else would I need to work into the design?” Lena asked.

“Well, you’d need to use technology like the DEO does to make sure aliens can’t just phase through the walls, and everything would probably have to be coated in an acid-resistant resin. If you don’t want the place to be burned down right away you’ll need a way to dampen different species’ powers, which differs planet to planet, of course.” Kara paused thoughtfully, eyes unfocused even as she diced the bell peppers and onions on the cutting board. The noodles were already boiling, and a large bowl of shredded cheese was sitting on the counter. “Though, on Krypton, we had something that could neutralize any powers aliens had. We could go see if there’s a record of it in the Fortress of Solitude later.”

“We?” Lena asked curiously, both eyebrows raised. “Darling, I really don’t think Superman would appreciate you bringing a Luthor into his safe haven.”

“Lena,” Kara said. She stopped chopping things and looked at Lena, frowning. “First of all, Kal can’t tell me what to do. I’m older than him. Second, it’s not just his safe haven, it’s mine too and therefore I can share it with whoever I want. He doesn’t even know what half of the things in there do cuz unlike me, he has no memories of Krypton. And third, yes, I know your last name is Luthor, but in the context you’re using it you really don’t count as one.” Kara’s fierce gaze finally broke away when she started adding all of the different tomato products to the bowl that now held the chopped vegetables and ground beef, mixing it all together.

“Regardless,” Lena began, pushing down the warmth she felt at Kara’s words, “I really don’t think he’ll approve.” Kara just scoffed.

“Too bad. We can go tomorrow and take a look, if you have time?” Kara looked over her shoulder at Lena as she pulled a glass pan from a shelf, and Lena decided that this was not a battle she really cared to fight, so she simply nodded. Kara smiled. “Good.”

“So if we can mass-produce this device, what else would I need to know to actually make this prison a reality?” Lena watched Kara pull the pot of noodles off the stove and drain the water into the sink as she swirled the wine in her glass lazily, her mind jumping from one hypothetical to the next. The oven beeped, signaling it was done preheating.

“From what I remember, it only suppressed physical powers. Anyone who’s gonna work at an alien prison would need some kind of mind shield.” Kara began assembling the lasagna, her brow crinkled in concentration. Lena wondered if she was focusing more on alien abilities or the food. Probably the food. Kara’s stomach growled. Definitely the food. Wait a minute.

“Are you telling me there are aliens who can read minds?” Lena blurted. Her eyes were wide, and judging by the mildly concerned look her bodyguard shot her, her heart was beating alarmingly fast.

“Uh, yeah. J’onn is one, though I doubt you’ll ever need to contain a Green Martian. There are a lot of other species who can mess with people’s minds too though. Those’re the ones you’ll need to worry about.” Kara sprinkled one last layer of cheese onto her masterpiece and covered the pan with tinfoil before sliding it into the oven. After pressing ‘start’ she walked around the kitchen island to stand beside Lena, reaching out and placing a warm hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

“I- uh, yes. Just… I don’t like the idea of someone poking around in my head.” Lena grimaced and took a generous swig of wine. She turned to Kara, a guarded look in her eyes. “Can Kryptonians read minds?” Lena asked, suspicious. Kara just rolled her eyes.

“No. And if I had the ability, I would probably do my best to repress it. It’s bad enough having to hear all of the weird things people say aloud- I really don’t need to hear the things they deem weird enough to keep to themselves.” Kara’s hand fell from Lena’s shoulder as the blonde shuddered, a haunted look in her eyes. “Seriously. If I was the least bit malicious I could blackmail so many people with my unfortunate knowledge of their sex lives.”

The tension left Lena in a rush as she laughed at Kara, who shot her a wounded look.

“You wouldn’t be laughing if you’d had to overhear, well, frankly pornographic things before you’d even been given an extremely awkward sex talk by your brand-new Earth mother.” Kara’s face scrunched up in disgust and she shuddered.

“Sorry, sorry,” Lena managed to say through her giggles. “What else would there need to be, aside from mental shields?” Lena forced herself to stop laughing, though by the side-eye Kara was giving her she knew the blonde could still see the amusement in her eyes. Kara huffed indignantly, but hopped up onto the stool beside her and placed her elbows on her knees, cradling her head in her hands as she thought.

“With physical and mental abilities taken care of… oh!” Kara sat up, eyes wide, her hands now clasped on her knees. “The mental shields should probably be inverted and placed on the alien with the ability! Otherwise they could totally force the other aliens to riot and they could get hurt.”

“True. Inverted mental shields it is. Though I think the workers should have protective gear in case any of the tech fails or is sabotaged,” Lena mused, sipping her wine.

“Yeah, good idea.” Kara nodded. “So with powers taken care of you’d need to account for their biology. Not all aliens can survive on regular human food. For example, a Hellgrammite needs DDT. And not all human food affects aliens the same. I could drink every drop of alcohol in this apartment and not even get buzzed.” Kara looked a little forlorn, and Lena reached out and patted her hand even as she sipped her wine again. It would suck to not be able to get drunk. “Every alien’s needs would be different, and you’d have to be prepared to accommodate them.”

“It sounds like I just need to prepare for the ones the DEO has now and create a flexible system for any future inmates.” Lena paused. “Can all aliens breathe oxygen?”

“Oh crap. No. No they cannot. You’re probably gonna need some underwater areas, and some special… not oxygen tanks, obviously, but tanks with whatever gas they need to breathe.”

“Or I could make an air filter,” Lena said, her mind already tinkering with different ideas. “Something that looks like a simple cloth mask but that makes the air here breathable.”

“That… would be awesome. A lot less cumbersome.” Kara looked impressed.

“What about differences in gravity?” Lena wondered.

“That would also vary alien to alien, though most don’t seem all that affected. I guess a device with adjustable added or subtracted newtons could be useful to some?” Kara asked. Lena nodded, adding it to her mental list. L-Corp would probably be selling some of these things soon.

“What about the trial and sentencing?” Lena suddenly asked. “We can’t exactly give an alien refugee a jury of their peers, and I’m not sure I’d trust a human jury to be fair. Plus aliens must have different life spans, and a human judge might not take that into consideration for sentencing.” Okay, so this was more complicated than she’d originally thought. Maybe Lena should have asked for two weeks off.

“I could get a Vertullarian!” Kara said excitedly. “We wouldn’t need a jury if we had a Truth Seeker- it can make any species tell the truth!”

“That… is terrifying,” Lena said. “But very useful. That still leaves the question of the judge.”

“I could do it until we find someone more suitable,” Kara offered, an odd look in her eyes. “I probably have the most knowledge of different alien species aside from Brainy, and if I don’t know about something I know how to find out. Plus… my father was a renowned scientist, and something of a xenobiologist, and my mother was a judicator on Krypton, which was basically a judge.” Kara shrugged uncomfortably, and Lena tilted her head, considering. “I’m not sure how we’d get people to trust _my_ judgment though,” Kara added ruefully.

“You can leave that part to me.” Lena had a determined glint in her eyes, and Kara gulped. “I have some favors I can call in. President Marsdin’s Alien Amnesty Act is supposed to give aliens the same rights as humans, but we obviously don’t have a prison system set up for them, do we?”

“You _were_ calling it a rehabilitation center,” Kara pointed out.

“Same thing. Well, not with the prison systems currently in place.” Lena grimaced. “But _this_ one will be both. We can have staff who teach aliens how to integrate into our society while also preserving their own culture, if they so wish. And we can have them do simple jobs in the facility, for which they will be paid at least minimum wage, and when they’re deemed ready they can start having jobs elsewhere and we can take them to and from. That way, once their sentence is up they’ll have money saved and have a way to continue to make a living.”

“That’s not equal to human prisons,” Kara muttered. “That’s better.”

“Well hopefully they’ll follow our example, out of spite if nothing else.” Lena shrugged, a smug look on her face, and Kara snorted.

They continued discussing the plans for the prison until the lasagna was ready, and Lena watched silently as Kara pulled the pan out of the oven with her bare hands and started dishing it out. It was delicious, and Lena was determined to find something her bodyguard _couldn’t_ do.

///

It was the second day of Lena’s prison project. Day one had consisted of finding a suitable property on which to build the facility and purchasing it, which had been completed after dinner, as well as outlining a plan for the prison. Thus far, day two had consisted of Kara making chocolate chip pancakes.

“I hate you,” Lena mumbled around a mouthful of pancakes. Kara looked up at her, wide-eyed, her own cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk’s.

“Mmff?”

“You have superpowers, you can sing, you can cook, you’re a genius when it comes to alien tech, and you’re basically a puppy in the shape of a person. You’re too perfect; it’s not fair.” Lena did her best to glare at Kara, but when the woman beamed at her after swallowing the ridiculous amount of food in her mouth Lena ended up grinning at her instead.

“Y’know, usually when someone says they hate you they list all of your bad qualities, which must mean you really suck at insults,” Kara replied, a teasing glint in her eyes. Lena scoffed.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you were one of my L-Corp board members. I’m fairly certain some of them have nightmares about me.” Lena’s grin could only be described as evil, but Kara still laughed.

“Whatever you say, Lena.”

///

“I said your warmest coat, not a light jacket,” Kara said, rolling her eyes. She snatched the jacket out of Lena’s hand and walked into the large closet, eyeing the selection of winter wear for a moment before tossing the jacket back on its hanger and pulling out an actual winter coat.

“Where the hell are we going that I need to wear _this_?” Lena asked, taking the dark green coat. “I don’t like marshmallow coats.”

“Marshmallow coats?” Kara tilted her head curiously, once again proving she was actually a puppy.

“It’s all puffy. I figured if I gave it a cute name I’d hate it less, but I was wrong.” Lena sneered at the coat she held and Kara laughed.

“Trust me, you’ll regret it if you don’t wear it. Last time I took Alex to the Fortress of Solitude she wore three coats, and she still complained about the cold.” Kara crossed her arms, and Lena put the coat on with a sigh.

By the time Kara and Lena came out of the closet (we wish), Lena was bundled up in her marshmallow coat, thick black pants, snow boots, the black beanie she’d worn the day before, gloves, and a dark red scarf Kara had wrapped around her neck and lower face. If this was Kara’s idea of a prank and she flew them to Hawaii Lena was going to murder her.

///

“It’s fucking freezing,” Lena said through her chattering teeth. “How the fuck are you fine just wearing that stupid taco cat shirt?”

“Taco space cat shirt, excuse you,” Kara corrected with a small grin, ruining the palindrome. “And don’t worry, it’ll be a lot warmer once we get inside.”

“Inside _where_? All I see is fucking snow.” Lena had already readjusted the scarf so that her eyes were barely peeking out between it and the cap, and all she could see was the blizzard Kara seemed to be flying them through. It was like the air was made of snow. “Do you even know where we’re going?”

“We’re actually here,” Kara said happily, hovering in place. “I’m gonna need to put you down so I can open the door though.”

“Oh hell no!” Lena locked her arms around Kara’s neck. “I refuse to die in a blizzard, there is no way I’m just gonna let you fly off and leave me here!”

When Kara looked down at her Lena could tell she was about to make fun of her, but then Kara frowned- Lena seemed genuinely afraid.

“Lena, I promise I’m not going to abandon you in a snowstorm,” Kara said, her voice firm. She tightened her grip on Lena slightly. “You’re my friend now, I’d never do anything to hurt you. I just need to put you down for like a minute so I can pick up the key and unlock the fortress.”

“You have two hands,” Lena retorted, filing away the ‘friend’ comment to obsess over at a less perilous time. “That’s enough to hold me _and_ pick up the key.” Her voice was shaking slightly, but she decided to blame that on the cold. Luthors weren’t supposed to be afraid of anything, after all.

“Not really,” Kara muttered. She took an inhumanly deep breath and leaned over Lena a bit before shooting a blast of air at a large pile of snow. Lena gasped when she saw the giant golden key that was revealed.

“Well fuck. Glad to see my family isn’t the only one that’s extra, I suppose.” Lena looked from the key to Kara and back before sighing. “Fine. You can put me down. But if it takes longer than two minutes I’m screaming until you pick me up again. See how your super hearing likes that,” Lena muttered.

“Toddler,” Kara said fondly. Before Lena could think up a suitable response to _that_ little comment, Kara had set her gently on the ground and sped over to the key. Watching her bodyguard lift an object twice as large as herself was impressive, Lena had to admit.

Once Kara had blown out another gust of air to clear the keyhole, she was able to unlock the fortress. She placed the key back on the ground and kicked some snow over it before flying back to Lena and scooping her into her arms.

“Nine seconds to spare,” Lena said. Kara rolled her eyes, though she silently thanked Rao she’d made it before Lena threw a tantrum. (Yes, she used that wording.)

Kara flew them to a small ledge and shifted Lena so that she was only holding her with one arm. Lena yelped and tightened her grip on Kara as the Kryptonian reached out and pushed open what she now realized was a small door. Kara flew inside and pressed a panel on the wall that closed the door before wrapping her arm around Lena once more and floating them down to the floor.

When Kara set Lena down the brunette took a moment to steady herself before slowly letting her arms slip from around Kara’s neck. She turned and let out a small gasp as she took in the Fortress of Solitude.

The room was huge, as in it-could-fit-her-entire-company-with-room-to-spare huge, and everything was a pale blue color. Different hallways branched out from the space, some at ground level and others several stories up. At the back of the room was a large screen, and situated in front of it was a console covered in buttons. Lena jumped when a silver robot whirled around the corner. Its torso, arms, and head were proportioned like a human’s, though its legs were much smaller and instead of walking it flew. It didn’t have a face, just a glowing yellowy-orange area where one would typically be. It whirled to a stop several feet from the two women.

“LUTHOR DETECTED. KARA ZOR-EL, STEP AWAY FROM THE LUTHOR SO THAT I MAY ENGAGE LUTHOR PROTOCOL.”

“What the heck is Luthor Protocol?” Kara demanded, stepping in front of Lena.

“STEP AWAY FROM THE LUTHOR, KARA ZOR-EL.”

“Kelex, do not engage Luthor Protocol,” Kara tried, glaring at the robot. Lena stepped closer and latched onto Kara’s arm, her nervous eyes trained on the robot.

“STEP AWAY FROM THE LUTHOR, KARA ZOR-EL.”

Kara made an annoyed sound in the back of her throat. She turned slightly and used her free hand to pry Lena’s hands off of her arm before scooping the brunette into a bridal hold again. Lena didn’t make a sound, but immediately locked her arms around Kara’s neck as her eyes darted around the fortress, looking for whatever ‘Luthor Protocol’ was.

Kara strode to the console, giving Kelex a wide berth, and hovered, crossing her legs and sitting Lena in her lap to free up her arms. She pressed several buttons with odd symbols before a holographic keyboard appeared and Kara started typing at super speed. Lena alternated between peering over Kara’s shoulder to check on the seemingly annoyed robot and staring in awe at how fast Kara’s fingers moved, praying to anything out there that Kryptonians really couldn’t read minds because hers was definitely in the gutter.

“LUTHOR PROTOCOL DISENGAGED.” Kelex seemed disappointed as it disappeared back to wherever it had come from.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t know Kal had programmed an anti-Luthor security measure into Kelex,” Kara muttered. She set Lena on her feet once again and stepped away, eyes trained on the exit Kelex had taken. When the robot didn’t reappear, Kara breathed a sigh of relief.

“What exactly is Luthor Protocol?” Lena asked, her voice shaking slightly.

“From the code I saw it looks like it’s mostly meant to detain, but if the person fights back Kelex will attack,” Kara explained, grimacing. 

“Ah,” Lena squeaked. Her eyes were wide, her breathing uneven and shallow. Kara quickly stepped forward and engulfed her in a hug, wrapping one arm securely around her waist and slanting the other so her hand could cradle Lena’s head. Lena immediately sunk into the embrace, wrapping her own arms around Kara and tucking her head into the crook of Kara’s neck as she took deep, shuddering breaths. 

“You’re okay,” Kara said quietly. “Everything’s okay. I’m not gonna let anything hurt you, I promise.” She held Lena as tightly as she dared until she felt the woman’s grip loosen. Kara pulled away, one hand resting on Lena’s waist as the other came up and cupped her cheek. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, darling. Thank you.” Lena took another moment to calm down before she pulled away, looking around the fortress once more, wary this time. “How… how did it know I’m a Luthor?” Lena asked, turning back to Kara. Her arms were crossed over her stomach, and Kara could feel the nerves radiating from her.

“Uh, it looked like Kal put some of Lex’s DNA into the system, so if anyone even related to him came here it would activate.” Kara paused, frowning. “Wait a minute… that would mean…”

“That I’m related to Lex,” Lena finished, the air leaving her lungs. She closed her eyes and felt her body stiffen. “Me being Lionel’s bastard would certainly explain why the Luthors adopted me. And why Lillian hated me so much.” She couldn’t say she’d never wondered, but to have it proven by an alien robot wanting to attack her because of it was a bit much. Lena sighed and forced her body to relax before opening her eyes. Kara was watching her, brow crinkled and a worried frown on her face.

“Lena-”

“It’s fine, Kara. I don’t have time to worry about it right now. We need to see if there’s any record of the device, remember?” Lena interrupted, slipping into her CEO mindset. She pulled her gloves off and stuffed them into her pockets, unzipping her coat as well. “How do we do this, then?” She crossed her arms and gave Kara an expectant look. Kara sighed.

“Right. I don’t remember the name of the device, but I should be able to set search parameters with what I do know.” Kara turned to the console and pulled up the keyboard again. Lena watched, silent, as a database appeared on the screen. Kara typed some things in and what Lena figured was a list of devices shortened as she typed, until only one remained. Kara looked at it and laughed.

“What?”

“It’s called the _zha zha_!” Kara exclaimed gleefully. “Literally the ‘no-no’!” Lena snorted.

“There’s no way someone actually called it that. That’s something you say to a misbehaving child or pet, not an alien with lethal abilities! What does it look like, a spray bottle?” Lena asked sarcastically.

“Rao, I hope so,” Kara muttered. She took one last look at the screen before disappearing. A few seconds later Kara was back, the widest grin Lena had ever seen on her face. She proudly held out a gleaming, silver-colored… spray bottle.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. We came all the way here for a spray bottle?” Lena asked incredulously. “Please tell me this isn’t your idea of a revenge prank.” Kara looked offended.

“Hey now. My pranks are hilarious. But no, this is not a prank. We could test it out on the alien I have here.” Kara glanced at a small label on the bottle and frowned. “Oh. Nevermind. It says it shouldn’t be used on babies.”

“You have a baby alien here? Why?” Lena asked. “How could you just leave a baby all alone in the middle of nowhere?” She gave Kara a _very_ judgmental look, and Kara held up her hands in the classic sign of surrender.

“Hey, no, it’s not like that! Geez! It’s just a baby Sun-Eater. Kal found it and decided to keep it here as a pet since it’s too dangerous to just let roam free,” Kara explained.

“Sun-Eater?” Lena asked, her face pale.

“Yeah. Cuz they, uh, consume stars.” Kara shrugged uncomfortably.

“You’re keeping an alien here who could eat our _sun_?” Lena’s voice came out much higher than she’d intended, but she didn’t really care at the moment. “Are you crazy?”

“It’s just a baby! And it can’t help what it wants to eat- it was created to be a weapon. But it’s still sentient!” Kara pouted. “It’s safer to keep it here than to let it muddle through space until it spots a tasty star and accidently kills an entire world. Either by depriving it of its sun or exploding,” Kara mumbled.

“Exploding?” Lena groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Y’know what, I’m going to worry about this later. It’s not like I already had enough to keep me up at night. I’ll just add this to the list.” She took a deep breath and looked at Kara. “Let’s just go home. Don’t forget the spray bottle- I’ll need to run some tests on whatever is in it and find a way to replicate it here on Earth.”

“Can we _please_ call it by its name?” Kara begged.

“Don’t forget the _zha zha_ ,” Lena grumbled. If she’d thought calling it by its untranslated name would stop Kara from guffawing, she was very wrong indeed.

///

Lena and Kara spent the rest of the day drawing up blueprints for the prison, often referencing the files Lena had downloaded on the DEO’s current prisoners. Kara didn’t seem to care that she’d hacked the organization yet again.

///

Day three of the prison project found Kara playing on a laptop in Lena’s office at L-Corp as the CEO made phone calls to everyone from the construction company she’d chosen to undertake the task (it was an L-Corp subsidiary, and one of the best in the business) to politicians and mysterious people whom she referred to with only initials.

///

Day four was spent holed up in one of the sub-level labs at L-Corp.

With Kara’s help, Lena was able to replicate the no-no solution (Kara had finally worn her down on the name) in only a few hours. In the time it took Kara to return the sci-fi spray bottle to the Fortress of Solitude Lena managed to create enough of the solution to last the prison three years at maximum occupancy (it only took one spritz every month no matter the type of alien).

Kara seemed bored when it came to the newton-altering cuff, so Lena set her loose to play with the little bit of alien tech she had on hand. The cuff was completed sometime around midnight, and with her task accomplished Lena was expecting to be able to go straight home. Instead, she turned around and found Kara orchestrating a war between a handful of tiny robots, all equipped with miniature weapons. A small, clear dome surrounded them.

“Kara, what the hell?” Lena asked helplessly. Kara looked at her with a sheepish grin and pressed a button on a small remote, deactivating the forcefield. A stray laser beam from one of the aerial robots scorched the wall as tiny battle cries Lena recognized from movies reached her ears.

“I thought it would be fun. I was correct.” Kara grinned and Lena sighed, shaking her head.

“Please just… turn them off so we can go home. I’m so tired.”

Kara nodded and pressed another button on the remote. The aerial robots clamped onto the earth-bound ones and lifted them into the air. They all congregated a moment before whirling together and becoming a large cube. Kara dropped the remote into an indentation on the top before plucking the cube out of the air and sitting it on the table. She turned back to Lena, whose mouth was slightly agape as she stared at the cube.

“What?” Kara asked.

“You made an army of tiny robots with real weapons who were able to speak and follow verbal commands, as well as a sound-proof, laser-proof force field, and all of it combines into a nondescript cube,” Lena said flatly.

“Actually I made a cube that can do all of that. It can also turn into… sorta like a drone? Or a land vehicle, or a sailing ship, or-”

“I get it. You’re a genius. Fly me home, smarty pants.”

Kara huffed but Lena just smiled, enjoying the fact that she could tease someone else about being smart for a change.

///

Day five of the prison project found them ahead of schedule.

Lena and Kara managed to finish the air filtration mask before noon, and the next part of Lena’s plan couldn’t happen until 9am the next day. So, Lena suggested they go to the zoo.

“I thought you weren’t gonna try to ditch me again,” Kara said with a pout.

“I promise not to drop you into the bear exhibit while I make my escape,” Lena responded wryly, rolling her eyes. She placed her hands on her hips and arched an eyebrow expectantly. “Now, do you want to go to the zoo or not?”

“Of course!” Kara exclaimed, bouncing happily. She darted forward and hugged Lena before pulling back and disappearing. A second later Kara reappeared wearing her unicorn shirt.

“Y-you do know unicorns aren’t real, right?” Lena asked nervously.

“Rhinos are just warrior unicorns,” Kara said, straight-faced. At Lena’s look of muted horror Kara cracked up. “Oh Rao, relax. I’ve been on this planet long enough to know there aren’t any unicorns here.”

“Wait, here?” Lena narrowed her eyes at Kara, who gave her a shit-eating grin.

“Well, I have met a dragon here. He’s actually a Dracokardosian, though.” Kara shrugged. “His name is Spike.” Lena just blinked at her. “So… to the zoo?”

///

Bringing Kara to the zoo was even worse than bringing Kara to the museum. The excited Kryptonian seemed ready to race off at any moment, to the point that Lena impulsively grabbed her hand to keep from losing her in the crowd. At Kara’s questioning look, Lena shrugged, doing her best to tone down her blush.

“If I can’t ditch you, you can’t ditch me either.” Lena was wearing a similar outfit to the one she’d worn to go shopping days ago: a grey hoodie, dark blue jeans, and sneakers. Large sunglasses obscured her eyes. Her hair was back in a ponytail and she was once again doing nothing to reign in her Irish accent, much to Kara’s delight.

“Lena! I wouldn’t ditch you!” Kara said indignantly. At Lena’s unimpressed look Kara laughed. “Okay, I might have been overly eager to get to the giraffes. Sorry.” Kara gave her a sheepish smile and slowed so that they were walking side by side.

Kara didn’t let go of her hand, and in fact took full advantage of the opportunity to drag Lena wherever she wanted to go. When she’d finished ogling the giraffes, Kara took the scenic route to the elephants, stopping to _ooh_ and _ah_ over the flamingos and ostriches along the way. It wasn’t until she tried to go into the reptile house that Lena halted and refused to move. Kara nearly yanked her off her feet before realizing.

“Oops, sorry,” Kara blurted. She used her free hand to grab Lena’s arm and stop her from falling. “What’s up?”

“I… don’t really like reptiles,” Lena muttered, wincing.

“But they’re so cool!” Kara whined. “Pretty please come in with me?” She batted her eyes at Lena, who shook her head resolutely. Then Kara pouted. Lena tried to look away but it was too late.

“Fine,” Lena said, sighing.

“Yes!” Kara let go of Lena’s arm to do a fist pump of victory. “Let’s go! And don’t worry, you can hold my hand the entire time!” Kara added cheekily, winking at Lena.

Just for that Lena wanted to let go of Kara’s hand, but suddenly they were inside and instead she held it in a death grip the entire time. She really, really, really hoped she’d never meet a Dracokardosian.

They were almost to the end of the reptile house when an employee came up, a large yellow snake draped across his shoulders. It flicked its tongue out towards Lena and she took a large step back, her heart pounding. Kara shot her a concerned look and quickly stepped between her and the snake. When the snake turned to smell Kara one of its eyes focused on Lena, and her heart rate skyrocketed. Kara squeezed her hand and thanked the employee for showing them the snake before leading Lena out of the reptile house.

As soon as they were out in the sun Lena dropped Kara’s hand. When the blonde turned to her, worried, Lena rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist, hiding her face in the crook of Kara’s neck. Kara froze for a second, surprised, but quickly returned the embrace, rubbing one of her hands in small circles on Lena’s back.

“Lex,” Lena began, her voice quiet and muffled but easily understood by the Kryptonian. “When he found out I didn’t like snakes, he thought it would be funny to put one in my bed. I didn’t see it before I turned the light off… but when I got in bed I accidently grabbed it and it bit me. I still have the scar.”

“Oh Rao,” Kara whispered. “I’m so sorry, Lena. I shouldn’t have made you go in there.” She held Lena closer to her and turned, kissing the side of her head. “From now on, no more sneks.”

“…did you just say sneks?” Lena mumbled.

“Yes. Sneks. And next time Lex breaks out of prison I’ll hunt him down and drop him in a pit of vipers.”

“He’d probably feel right at home,” Lena muttered. Kara giggled, and Lena soon joined in. Eventually, fear long gone, Lena pulled away and grabbed Kara’s hand again, letting the blonde pull her toward the part of the zoo that housed the food stalls and cafes.

“That’s a lot of food, even for you, darling,” Lena commented as she watched Kara set her tray down on the table. It held at least one of all the (relatively unhealthy) zoo-themed foods: a PBJ cut in the shape of an elephant, cotton candy shaped like a flamingo, an ice cream dessert in the form of a mountain with penguin-shaped sprinkles and a little cookie dough polar bear, cookies shaped like a rhinoceros and a hippopotamus, licorice monkeys, a grilled cheese sandwich with tiger stripes, honey cakes stacked to look like a sitting bear, smiley face fries with kitty ears and manes meant to resemble lions, etc. Kara just smiled and took a large bite of ice cream.

“Better than what you got,” Kara said eventually, half of her food demolished. She gave Lena’s fruit salad a disgusted look. “I almost got one of those by accident- the swan shape fooled me for a hot second.” Lena snorted.

“Nobody says ‘hot second’ anymore.”

“I do.” Kara raised her eyebrows at Lena, who just shook her head. It was slightly better than ‘golly’ at least. “What’s the point of coming up with all of these cool words if you just let them die off later?”

“Says the woman who refuses to cuss aside from ‘badass’,” Lena countered.

“I actually do cuss,” Kara admitted, suppressing a smile. “Just… not in English.” Lena looked at her, wide-eyed, before grinning.

“Okay, that’s it, you need to teach me Kryptonese, starting with the cusswords,” Lena said inaudibly, wary of eavesdroppers but knowing that Kara’s super hearing would pick it up even when human ears couldn’t. Kara grinned and nodded before tucking back into her food.

Once they were done eating, Kara managing to finish before Lena despite having three times as much food, they headed toward the part of the zoo that housed the predators.

Kara, predictably, thought everything was adorable. She tried to talk baby talk to the bear cubs on the other side of the glass, crouching down to be at eye level with them as Lena stood back, occasionally snapping pictures. When the cubs eventually wandered away, an undaunted Kara hopped up and grabbed Lena’s hand again and they went to see the tigers, and then the cheetahs, the polar bears, and finally, the lions.

“Where’d all the people go?” Kara asked as they neared the lion enclosure.

“Hmm?” Lena hummed. Kara stopped and gave Lena a knowing look. “What? Maybe lions just aren’t trending today.”

“Ugh, millennials,” Kara grumbled, a grin quickly breaking through her mock scowl. Lena just laughed and pulled her to the lion exhibit.

“Just because you’re technically a boomer it doesn’t mean you aren’t technically a millennial as well. Perks of being stuck in stasis for awhile,” Lena teased. She was a bit worried it was too soon to make a joke about Kara’s time in the Phantom Zone, but thankfully Kara grinned.

“I am a rare breed,” Kara agreed happily. “Ooh, kitties!” Kara let go of Lena’s hand and leaned over the railing, peering down into the enclosure eagerly. It made it a lot easier for Lena to push her in. Kara toppled over the railing and fell a little over thirty feet, landing sprawled on her back with a loud thud. “Really, Lena?”

“I promised not to ditch you, not to not prank you,” Lena said with a smirk.

“This explains why no one is around at least,” Kara muttered loud enough for Lena to hear. She hopped up and stretched, looking around the enclosure and spotting the three lion cubs running at her. “Aww, kitties!” They seemed to think they were quite fierce, at least until the woman who had just landed in their enclosure zoomed over to them and scooped all three of them into her arms.

“Kara!” Lena exclaimed, startled. She had expected the Kryptonian to fly out, not try to steal the cubs!

The cubs yowled and the lioness trotted over, the lion not far behind. Soon enough Kara was tumbling around with both of the full-grown lions as the cubs watched, confused. When the lion left the tussle, apparently deciding Kara wasn’t a threat (or was too much of a threat to hope to defend against), the cubs decided to join in. The lioness followed the lion after a few minutes, and that just left Kara rough housing with the cubs. Lena pulled her phone out and started recording.

“Lena!” Kara called out as she ran in a circle, the cubs chasing her happily. “Can we keep them? Pretty please?”

“Fuck no! Kara, they are _wild animals_. Not pets.” Lena tutted, quickly turning her attention to the cubs when Kara started to pout.

“Just one? Pleeeeaaaaaasssee?” Kara whined. She stopped running and all of the cubs immediately jumped on her. Lena laughed when Kara allowed their momentum to knock her to the ground.

“It would be lonely without its siblings,” Lena pointed out.

“Fine,” Kara said, sighing. The smallest cub distracted her from her sad thoughts by swatting her glasses off her face (how she’d kept them on this long Lena had no idea). Kara yelped and grabbed them midair, situating them back on her face and scolding the cub.

Kara tired the cubs out after awhile and instead of biting and batting at her they flopped down on top of her, apparently claiming her as one of their own. One was curled into her side, another sprawled across her legs, and the smallest was lying happily on her chest as she scratched behind its ears. Lena decided she’d never seen anything as cute and ended the video, snapping several pictures instead.

Lena had honestly thought Kara had dozed off along with the cubs when her eyes flashed open. She was a blur as she carefully maneuvered the cubs off of her and into a sleepy pile, the smallest one mewling in protest at losing its warm perch, and a moment later Kara appeared beside Lena in a small gust of wind. Before Lena could ask if something was wrong Kara’s hand flashed out and she caught the bullet that had been aimed at Lena’s head.

The next thing Lena knew she was in the (thankfully empty) employee lounge, her stomach lurching at the sudden super speedy movement. Kara murmured that she’d be right back and placed a fleeting kiss to Lena’s forehead before disappearing again. Lena couldn’t even find it in herself to be mad at whoever had tried to kill her because it had led to Kara kissing her forehead. Her gay brain was majorly interfering with her vengeful Luthor brain at the moment.

Kara was back a few minutes later, and she instinctively scanned Lena for injuries before the tension drained out of her. She pulled Lena into a hug, and Lena melted into the embrace as she felt herself relax, relieved that Kara was back safe.

“Home?” Kara mumbled. Her clothes were covered in dirt and small tears from playing with the lion cubs, her hair was a tangled mess, and she looked exhausted. Somehow her glasses were still intact, though. Lena couldn’t help but think she looked adorable.

“Tell me what happened on the way?” Lena asked quietly. She felt Kara nod, and then she was scooped into Kara’s arms. As her bodyguard flew her home (foregoing the car in favor of getting there faster, Lena secure in her arms), she told Lena that the sniper had been a lone wolf. She’d knocked him out and tied him up, dropped him off at the DEO with a muttered explanation to Alex, and zoomed back all in less than five minutes.

They spent the night cuddled up on the couch, eating takeout and watching _WALL-E_. When the movie was over a yawning Kara carried a fast-asleep Lena into her room, tucking her in before heading to her own room and promptly passing out.

///

“ _Tell me what you want, what you like, it’s okay, I’mma little curious, too. Tell me if it’s wrong, if it’s right, I don’t care, I can keep a secret could, you?_ ”

Was Kara singing what Lena thought she was singing? Surely not.

“ _Got my mind on your body and your body on my mind, got a taste for the cherry I just need to take a bite. Don’t tell your mother, kiss one another, die for each other, we’re cool for the summer!_ ”

Okay. Kara was definitely singing what Lena thought she was. Lena stifled a groan and rolled over in bed, burrowing into her pillows as she listened to Kara singing in the shower.

“ _Take me down into your paradise. Don’t be scared cuz I’m your body type, just somethin’ that we wanna try. Cuz you and I. We’re cool for the summer!_ ”

Kara did know Lena could hear her, right? Well, to be fair she’d only known she’d woken Lena up _after_ she’d gotten out of the shower. She may not have realized that the bathroom wasn’t exactly soundproof, especially considering her own super hearing. Still. What the hell was she doing?

“ _Tell me if I won, if I did, what’s my prize? I just wanna play with you, too. Even if they judge, fuck it, I’ll do the time. I just wanna have some fun, with you._ ”

Kara said the f-word. Ooh. Lena focused on that instead of the heat pooling in her belly.

“ _Got my mind on your body and your body on my mind, got a taste for the cherry I just need to take a bite. Don’t tell your mother, kiss one another, die for each other, we’re cool for the summer!_ ”

“If I fucked a Kryptonian I would _definitely_ tell my mother, if only so I could have a front row seat to her heart attack,” Lena muttered. The singing abruptly cut off and she laughed. “Sorry, darling, just my Luthor genes shining through.”

Less than a minute after the shower turned off Lena’s phone buzzed. She grabbed it off the nightstand, noting the time was 07:23am, before unlocking it and looking at the text message Kara had sent. It was the shocked Pikachu meme. Lena chuckled and replied with the shrugging text face emoji before slipping out of bed and padding into the bathroom to get ready for the all-important meeting that was the focus of day six of her prison project.

///

When Lena entered the kitchen, already dressed in a deep purple suit with a black button up shirt, her hair straightened and in a high ponytail and a pair of red bottomed heels on her feet, she found Kara making blueberry pancakes.

“I wasn’t aware you ate fruit,” Lena quipped. Kara turned to her, a fierce blush on her face that only darkened when she saw what Lena was wearing. The CEO smirked.

“I- uh, well.” Kara gulped and looked down at the last batch of pancakes she was frying. “I used all the chocolate chips last time,” Kara muttered. Lena frowned. She didn’t want Kara to be embarrassed all day because of what she’d said earlier.

“Kara,” Lena called softly. The blonde didn’t look at her, and Lena bit her lip. “I’m sorry for this morning. Please don’t be embarrassed.” She started wringing her hands nervously when Kara didn’t reply.

Kara flipped the pancakes onto a plate, grabbed a fork, and brought it all over to Lena. She held the breakfast out silently, her eyes trained on the ground, and Lena hesitantly took the offering, her heart beating in her throat. Was Kara never going to be able to look her in the eyes again? Had she ruined their budding friendship because she couldn’t keep her damn mouth shut?

A small whining sound escaped Lena’s throat, and Kara’s head jerked up in surprise. When her eyes met Lena’s she seemed to read the distress there, and a crinkle appeared between her eyebrows before she suddenly darted forward and kissed Lena’s cheek. She pulled back with a wide grin, and Lena’s resulting blush now matched Kara’s.

“Apology accepted,” Kara chirped. She twirled around and grabbed her own plate, skipping over to the table and plopping down. She looked up when Lena stayed frozen, an entire pancake already stuffed in her mouth. “Ya okay ‘ena?”

“Uh.” Lena blinked several times. She stared blankly at Kara until the blonde started giggling.

“Did I short-circuit that genius brain of yours?” Kara asked slyly. _That_ snapped Lena out of it. She scowled at Kara and stomped over, sitting by her at the table. Her attempt at being angry was quickly foiled when she took a bite of lightly-syruped pancake and moaned.

“Did I mention I hate you?” Lena mumbled.

“Yup. Don’t worry, I like you just fine.” Kara beamed at her and Lena couldn’t help but smile right back.

///

Lena was sitting at the head of the long table in L-Corp’s nicest conference room. Her hands were folded on the table, her back stiff and her eyes straight ahead as she resisted the urge to tap her foot. It was almost 9am, and she could already see Jess leading the governor towards her in her peripheral. She was so tense she felt like she was about to snap in half.

“Lena,” Kara said quietly. Lena’s head snapped over to her, and she felt her heart beat even faster at the sight of Kara sitting beside her, glasses nowhere to be seen, hair down in loose waves, and dressed in a pure white robe bearing the crest of the House of El. For the first time since Lena had met her, Kara looked every inch the alien she knew her to be. “You’re gonna do great. And whatever happens, you have me backing you up.”

“You’re sure you’re okay with the world knowing Kara Zor-El?” Lena asked hastily, quadruple checking. Kara nodded, reaching out and laying her hand over Lena’s, squeezing slightly before pulling away. “Okay. I can do this. _We_ can do this.” Lena took a steadying breath as the door opened.

Jess led their state’s governor in, and within a few minutes several more people trickled in and took a seat as well. When 9am rolled around only two chairs were empty. Lena shot a glance at Kara, who nodded, a small grin on her face.

“I’m afraid we’re still waiting on two people, but I’ve been informed they should be here shortly,” Lena said calmly. The people around the table nodded, eyeing each other warily. Lena had wrangled a meeting with all of the major political leaders for National City, as well as some prominent military leaders. When President Marsdin swept into the room they all sat up straighter, eyes wide in shock. How the hell had Lena Luthor gotten the President of the United States to come?

“My apologies for being late, Miss Luthor. Getting past the press mobbing your building without being seen was no small feat.” Marsdin gave Lena a slightly critical look, but the young CEO simply smiled.

“Yes, they’re all quite eager to get footage of my upcoming assassination attempt,” Lena answered smoothly. At the president’s raised eyebrows she shrugged one shoulder, a small, wry smile on her face. “I’ve had people attempt to kill or kidnap me several times already in the past week. I’m sure it’ll happen at least one more time before the week’s end.”

Everyone had a slightly horrified look on their face, though they quickly managed to force their political masks back on.

“Well you must have some very good security, Miss Luthor,” Marsdin said as she took a seat at the opposite end of the table. Lena smirked.

“The best, Madam President.” Lena glanced over at Kara, who was facing the direction of her office, a small smirk on her face. “Ah, it seems our final guest has arrived as well.” Everyone looked a bit confused, at least until Superman strode into the room.

“Are you all seriously planning on just handing aliens over to a Luthor?” Superman demanded. He crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his chin up so he could look down on all of those assembled in the meeting room.

“Oh calm down, Kal,” Kara said, scoffing. Every eye turned to her in shock (how dare she speak that way to Superman!) as people began noticing her for the first time.

“K-Kara?” Superman sputtered. “W-what are you doing here? With Lena _Luthor_ of all people?”

“I helped her plan all of this out,” Kara retorted, her lips pursed and a steely look in her eyes. “Now take a seat and listen before you rush to judgment, _sehjehb_.”

Superman gave Kara an odd look but sat down in the last empty chair and leveled a suspicious look at Lena. Lena cleared her throat and began.

“Now that everyone is here-”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Kara interrupted. Lena shot her a disapproving look, but Kara’s attention was focused on something outside of the room. “How in the name of Rao did _she_ find out about this?” A moment later Cat Grant, Queen of All Media, swept into the room.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone,” Cat said breezily. She strode over and stood between Kara and Lena’s chairs. When Kara didn’t move she tsked. “Really, Keira, if you had bothered to tell me about this little rendezvous I would have been early. Now, up up. Give your auntie a chair.”

“Last I checked you needed to _marry_ my aunt before you could claim kinship,” Kara muttered. She rolled her chair back and stood, scowling slightly as Cat sat in it like it was a throne. “How did you even find out about this?”

“You called Astra for advice about this little project of yours, and while that is perfectly understandable I’d like to remind you that Friday is our date night.” Cat pursed her lips and gave Kara an affronted look. “Really, Keira, you’d think you’d remember something like that.”

“Maybe if you actually called me by name,” Kara muttered. Cat simply smirked and replied in… Kryptonese? Kara’s face turned red and she moved to stand between Lena and Cat, still shooting the woman the occasional glare, though she remained silent.

“Miss Grant,” President Marsdin began. “If you wish to remain at this meeting everything will need to be off the record. Is that understood?”

“Of course, Madam President. I’m simply here to observe, maybe give my two-cents it I find it’s appropriate.” Cat settled back in her chair and turned her attention Lena. Everyone else followed suit, and aside from an arched eyebrow Lena’s CEO mask was still firmly in place. (She had so many things to ask Kara later, though- Cat Grant was dating her aunt? Alex, Kara, Cat, Astra- was everyone in her family gay?)

“Kara, anymore surprise guests on the way?” Lena asked, giving Cat a judgmental look. Cat smirked. The audacity.

“Nope. We’re good.” Kara decided that standing felt too weird, so she crossed her arms and sat down on nothing, hovering at the same height everyone was sitting, one foot propped up on the other. She only smirked slightly at everyone’s startled looks.

“Alright then, I suppose we can begin.” Lena nodded. “I’ve gathered you all here because of a part of the Alien Amnesty Act that has yet to be addressed. Aliens have been given the same rights as American citizens, meaning of course that they are subject to the same laws. However, we have no system in place to account for this, which-”

“That _you_ know of, Luthor,” a square-faced General interrupted, scowling.

“Actually, General Lane, I am well aware of the existence of the Department of Extranormal Operations. I’ve been working with the DEO for several months now,” Lena said smoothly, tilting her head up slightly and narrowing her eyes at the man. She turned to face everyone again as she continued. “Which is why I know that any alien arrested is simply shoved into a tiny cell and left to rot. If the government treated citizens this way there would be a riot, yet of course the DEO is top secret so no one has any proof of wrongdoing. There are currently over fifty aliens being held without trial and with no actual sentence. This cannot be allowed to continue.”

“And what do you propose, Miss Luthor?” Marsdin asked, tilting her head. “We do not have the resources to build a typical prison that can accommodate the overwhelming variety of aliens on this planet, nor do we have a fair way of judging and sentencing them.”

“So it’s better to not try at all?” Lena demanded, her voice sharp with anger. She paused a moment, collecting herself, before continuing calmly. “I’d like you all to meet Kara Zor-El,” Lena began, gesturing to Kara, who gave them all a tiny wave. “She is Superman’s cousin.” Pause for gasps and disbelieving whispers. “Kara,” Lena prompted.

“Right-o,” Kara chirped. She pulled a metal bar from under the table and bent it like it was made of paper, twisting it into a spring. Her eyes glowed blue and she shot it with her heat vision, causing it to glow red and melt in her hands. When it was just a molten glob she abruptly changed to ice breath and cooled it instantly. She dropped it on the ground and it shattered. “Ta da!” She made jazz hands, and Lena had to press her lips together to stop herself from smiling. Still, Marsdin turned to Superman.

“Can you confirm this, Superman?” Marsdin asked.

“Yes,” Superman grumbled.

“And can you confirm that I’m older than you?” Kara added, waggling her eyebrows. The other Super groaned. “Kal? Baby cousin? Shall I tell them of how I changed your diapers?”

“Ugh. Fine. Okay, yes, Kara is my older cousin,” Superman relented. “Why is that relevant?”

“Because,” Lena cut in before Kara could tease the man anymore, “it means Kara grew up on Krypton. She is uniquely qualified to help build a prison that can accommodate aliens.”

“And why is that?” Cat asked, raising one perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

“I’m going to assume you’re asking for the benefit of everyone else,” Kara grumbled, glaring half-heartedly at Cat. She sighed and turned her attention to the table, smoothing her face out and doing her best to state the facts. “I was thirteen when Krypton exploded and I was sent to Earth. I was supposed to land here at the same time as my infant cousin, but the debris of my planet knocked my pod into the Phantom Zone, a region of space where time doesn’t pass. By the time my pod was freed and I landed on Earth, Kal had grown up and become Superman.” Kara frowned, a sad sheen to her eyes, but hurriedly continued. “On Krypton my father was a renowned scientist, and something of a xenobiologist. My mother was a judicator, which most closely resembles a judge. I was meant to enter the Science Guild, so my father let me work with him on many projects, but my mother often told me of her work as well.”

“Kara will be our judge,” Lena declared when Kara fell silent, lost to her memories of a long-dead planet. “With her experience on Krypton as well as her experience and resources here on Earth, she is the most qualified person to sentence aliens. She can adapt our laws to punish an alien fairly, taking into account the circumstances under which they committed the crime and their life span relative to a human’s.”

“And what about the jury?” The Mayor of National City gave Lena an expectant look. “Just because an alien is arrested doesn’t mean they’re guilty.” Lena grinned at the woman, appreciating that she cared about the rights of imprisoned aliens as well as the rights of imprisoned humans (it had been a major part of her campaign, and part of the reason Lena had voted for her and made a sizable anonymous donation to her group).

“That’s where this comes in,” Kara said. She pulled a cylindrical cannister out from under the table, and everyone resisted the urge to roll their chairs back and peek under the table to see if she was hiding anything else there. Kara opened the cannister and reached inside. When she pulled her arm out a pulsing white creature was wrapped around it. “This is a Vertullarian, or a Truth Seeker. It can compel any species to tell the truth. With this little guy we won’t need a jury.”

“Using a Truth Seeker is an accepted method on other planets,” Lena explained, “so the aliens here will be familiar with it. Besides, we can’t exactly offer a refugee from a dead planet a jury of their peers.”

“And how do we know it works?” Cat asked, a wicked glint in her eyes.

“Kara,” Lena said quietly. She met Cat’s challenging gaze and held her arm out. Kara silently transferred the creature to Lena’s arm, and she cocked an eyebrow at Cat. “Ask me anything, Miss Grant.”

“Why are you trying to make a prison system for aliens?” Cat asked.

“My brother did horrible things, to aliens and humans alike. I’ve been using L-Corp to try to make up for it all in some small way, and while nothing I could ever do is enough I do think some of our products and charities are truly helping people. I agreed to work with the DEO because I wanted to do more, but then I saw how they’re treating their prisoners.” Lena took a deep breath, blowing it out in a gust of frustration. “I need to believe that prison works,” she admitted, eyes now trained on the wriggling mass affixed to her forearm. “I need to believe that Lex being in prison is enough, that he’s paying for all the suffering he caused. But I’ve… I went to see him, once. And he wasn’t the least bit regretful. He still didn’t think what he’d done was wrong. And then I go to the DEO and see aliens who have done a lot less than my brother and they’re so… broken. They’re stuck in a tiny cell 24/7 with no hope of ever leaving. Why should some of the very people that monster set out to harm be treated worse than him?” Lena’s head jerked up and she turned her fierce glare on Cat. “It isn’t right. They came to this planet to escape cruelty, and that’s exactly what we’ve shown them. If humans and aliens are truly to be treated as equals then that needs to apply to the aliens who do bad or misguided things as well. Otherwise we can’t say that we’re treating them equally, because we fucking aren’t.” Lena’s arm started to fall to the table but Kara caught it, gently removing the Truth Seeker and placing it back in the cannister.

“Any other volunteers?” Kara asked. Silence. “Thought so.” She put the lid on the cannister and slid it back under the table. Lena’s hands were now fiddling anxiously in lap, so no one (except for Cat, of course) noticed when Kara’s hand reached under the table and clasped one of Lena’s, twining their fingers together and squeezing reassuringly.

Eventually General Lane spoke up.

“Even if you’ve figured out a judge and a jury substitute,” he grumbled, “where would we put the aliens? We can’t make the DEO an official prison- it’s supposed to be a secret.”

“Well, Miss Luthor has had an answer for everything else so far,” Marsdin mused. “I take it you already have the blueprints drawn up for something?”

“Actually,” Lena began, blushing slightly, “I already have the prison built. It’s been designed to house aliens of every kind, whether they need land or water, and we have a special mask for those who don’t breathe oxygen. We also already have staff getting it ready, as well as a work program in place where the prisoners start out earning minimum wage but can get raises if they do a good job.”

“How will you keep those with abilities from escaping?” The governor asked, their brow furrowed.

“Krypton took care of that!” Kara piped up, grinning at them. “My planet had a substance that could negate any alien’s physical abilities. Luckily a sample was sent to Earth with Kal, and Lena and I were able to replicate it using things from this planet. We also made some mind shields, both inverted and not, and Lena made a gravity cuff in case the newtons here are a problem for anyone!” Kara was beaming happily, and she gave Lena an adoring look that caused the young Luthor to blush (Lena was also just grateful Kara hadn’t mentioned the _name_ of the power-negating substance… they needed people to take them seriously, after all).

“We have the facility, and the means to make it work,” Lena said, giving those assembled her most earnest look. “We have a way to convict those who are guilty, and someone qualified to sentence them. We have plans in place to help those convicted re-enter society when their sentence is up so that they don’t feel the need to turn to crime just to survive. All we need is the government’s approval.”

///

“We’ve been ordered to do what now?” Alex asked J’onn. Her eyes were wide, her eyebrows raised, and she’d adopted a defensive position, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“We have been ordered to transport all of our prisoners to these coordinates,” J’onn replied gruffly, holding out a small piece of paper. “It needs to be done by the day’s end, orders of President Marsdin.”

“Why do I have a feeling Lena has something to do with this?” Alex grumbled as she snatched the paper from the Director.

“She did ask for a week off,” J’onn mused. “And this is day seven of that week.”

“Yeah, but there’s no way she got an entire prison operational in seven days.” Alex scoffed.

///

“Holy shit she got an entire prison operational in seven days.” Alex had nearly wrecked the transport van she was driving when she pulled into the parking lot of the large building whose sign read _National City Prison for Extraterrestrials_.

She climbed out, eyes going to the sign every few seconds as she helped the prisoners out of the back of the van. There were at least two agents for every alien, and even the aliens seemed shocked as they were led into the building. Once the first group of aliens had been led into the lobby of the prison Kara stepped forward, decked out in a Kryptonian robe with her house’s crest. She was holding… was that a spray bottle?

“Do you all understand English?” Kara asked. Several of the aliens nodded, though two looked confused. Kara repeated the question with different languages until she’d found one each understood. “Good. You’re all going to be held in this prison for now, and over the next two weeks we will be using a Vertullarian to ascertain your guilt. If you are found guilty of a crime I, Kara Zor-El of Krypton, will decide your sentence and you will remain here for its duration. If it is decided you committed no crime, or if your sentence has already been served in DEO custody, you will be released and we will help you find employment and housing.” Kara repeated her speech in two other languages, and all of the aliens looked at her in disbelief. “In the meantime, I will be using this,” she held up the spray bottle, “to negate your powers so that you won’t have to be stuck in those restraints. Normally it would last a month, but this version has been diluted so it will only last two weeks in case any of you are released. Do you all consent to this?” Once Kara had repeated her explanation and question to the aliens who didn’t understand English and acquired their consent as well, she spritzed all of them. “Alex, please remove their restraints.”

“Okay, but if they attack me you better be my Kryptonian shield,” Alex grumbled. She removed the restraints and watched as some of the aliens tested to see if they really couldn’t use their powers. They couldn’t. What the hell was in that spray bottle?

“Why… why is this happening now?” A blue-skinned alien asked, their voice hesitant and rusty from disuse. Kara smiled gently at them.

“Because a good friend of mine decided she’d had enough with how you were all being treated and decided to help.” Kara bounced slightly and looked up. Everyone followed her gaze and spotted none other than Lena Luthor, leaning over the railing of the second floor. When she noticed their eyes on her, her face flushed and she moved out of sight.

“A…A Luthor is helping us?” Another alien asked, confused.

“Yes,” Kara said simply, though her eyes were hard. “She’s pretty much the opposite of Lex. Many of the staff here are aliens just like us.” Kara gestured behind them and the aliens spotted some of the fins and horns the staff were sporting. “Now then, it’s time for you all to go to your new cells while I explain everything to the next batch.”

///

With all of the aliens spritzed and in their new cells, Alex finally got the chance to track down Lena. She found her in a small office on the second floor, sitting at a desk with Kara huddled beside her as they went through some files. A closer look confirmed Alex’s suspicion that they were the files the DEO had on the prisoners. She wondered if they’d been transferred over or if Lena had just hacked them again. Maybe both.

“You two sure look cozy,” Alex commented, leaning against the doorway as she crossed her arms.

“Mmhmm,” Kara hummed. She moved the page she was reading away and started reading the one that had been under it. Lena glanced up at Alex but quickly looked back down to hide her smirk.

“Really? That’s the only response I’m gonna get?” Alex sighed and walked into the room, dropping into the chair on the other side of the desk. “Okay, fine, this is amazing. And _if_ it all works out-”

“Which it will,” Lena cut in, glaring at Alex. Alex raised her hands in surrender.

“Everything has the possibility of failing, Miss Luthor. But… from what I’ve seen… this probably will work out,” Alex admitted reluctantly. Kara snorted.

“Gee, sis, thanks for the… vote of… cockiness?” Kara looked up, her brow crinkled, and Lena laughed.

“Vote of confidence, darling. But considering it’s Alex, well, yours might be more accurate.” Lena smirked at the agent, who leaned back in her chair.

“Alex? On a first name basis are we now, _Lena_?” Alex raised her eyebrows, but Lena just rolled her eyes.

“I’d rather you call me Lena than a ‘bratty scientist’,” Lena replied. Alex made a choking sound.

“Kara!”

“What? You did say it. And it’s very accurate.” Kara nudged Lena with a grin, and the brunette blushed.

“At least I don’t get distracted rolling around with lion cubs,” Lena muttered.

“You’re the one who pushed me into the enclosure!” Kara exclaimed. “Besides, I caught the bullet in time.”

“What?” Alex growled. “Lena, I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t try to ditch Kara anymore!”

“I didn’t try to ditch her!” Lena pulled her phone out and showed Alex the video of Kara playing with the cubs. “See? I was there the whole time.”

Alex eventually tore her gaze away from the phone.

“Okay, first, please send me that video. And second, you’re still pranking her in a way that separates the two of you. Wasn’t this the night the sniper shot at you?” Alex crossed her arms again and narrowed her eyes at the two women across from her.

“I prefer being pushed into a lion den to eating a wax apple,” Kara muttered.

“Excuse me?” Alex looked at her sister, confused. Was this why Kara had texted her an apple emoji, a skull and cross bones emoji, and then a barfing emoji???

“Lena said if I wanted to eat potstickers I needed to eat something healthy first and she made me eat a wax apple!” Kara wailed. “It was even grosser than a normal apple! I’m fine with the other pranks, but there’s no need to bring food into it!” She glared at Lena and pouted, but the woman just laughed.

“Kara, I didn’t _make_ you eat anything. I suggested you eat something healthy first, and you snatched an apple out of the _decorative_ fruit bowl and ate it in less than a second. That wasn’t even me pranking you, it was just you… devouring a wax apple.” Lena and Alex were both laughing at Kara now, even as she flushed in embarrassment.

“Boo. You guys are mean,” Kara mumbled, ducking her head.

Alex just laughed harder, but Lena reached out and put her arm around Kara’s shoulder, pulling her into her side.

“There, there,” Lena cooed, stifling her giggles. “Don’t worry darling, I threw the rest of the wax fruit out so it won’t happen again.” She patted Kara’s arm as the blonde groaned and turned to hide her face in Lena’s shoulder.


	5. Dinner with CatAstra-trophe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, this is freaking long.
> 
> I expected some of this to be way more dramatic than it turned out to be. Apparently these versions of the characters are hella chill.
> 
> Also I ended up buying a bag of skittles while writing this, and I'm munching on them while proof reading. You'll see why.

Lena was beginning to wonder if the whoopee cushions were broken.

Since Alex had said Lena couldn’t prank Kara in a way that separated them, she had decided to use some of the old-school, boring, typical, juvenile pranks she’d seen in movies, mostly out of spite and pettiness (her original pranks were way cooler, come on). But now the damn whoopee cushions weren’t working.

Kara was sitting on the couch, munching on skittles and going over documents for the prison, and Lena was perched in an adjacent chair, trying to look over the schematics of an L-Corp prototype that had malfunctioned. But how could anyone expect her to figure out why a transmatter portal wasn’t working when she couldn’t even figure out why the whoopee cushion she’d hidden in the couch hadn’t worked when Kara sat down on it? She was gnawing on her bottom lip and alternating between staring blindly at her tablet and glaring at Kara sitting oh-so-nonchalantly when Kara’s phone started buzzing. Kara let out a little huff of annoyance and placed her skittles on the low table in front of the couch before pulling her phone out, glancing at the screen and frowning at whatever she saw before she answered.

“Aunt Astra? What’s up?” Kara asked. Ooh, the gay aunt. Lena fixed her eyes on her tablet and forced herself to relax, hoping Kara would think she was in the work zone so much that she was tuning her out so Kara wouldn’t take the conversation to the other room. “Fine. Hello, my dear, honorable aunt, it is I, your niece, Kara Zor-El Danvers. Why ever are you calling me this fine morning?” Kara asked, annoyance in her voice.

It seemed Astra didn’t like a greeting of ‘what’s up’. Kara probably would have been fine if she’d just said ‘hello’ instead, but her bodyguard’s antics did make Lena smile.

Kara listened for a moment, and then let out a yelp that was quickly followed by… a farting sound. Lena’s head jerked up and she stared at Kara in shock, her eyes narrowing suspiciously when Kara shot her a guilty glance.

“I didn’t fart, Aunt Astra. It was a whoopee cushion,” Kara explained with a sigh. “It’s a device that mimics the noise of a fart for humor purposes. Lena’s been hiding them around the house to prank me, and I sat on one.” A pause. A very looooong pause. “Of course I saw it! I am neither incompetent nor in need of training. I was sitting over it putting all of my weight on my legs so I wouldn’t trigger it but you surprised me when you said… what you said… and I accidently fell on it.”

“Fucking cheater,” Lena muttered, putting her tablet in sleep mode so she could devote all of her energy to glaring at Kara. The blonde had the gall to smirk at her.

“Aunt Astra, you laugh during horror movies that give even Alex nightmares, I really don’t think your sense of humor is on par with the rest of this planet’s,” Kara drawled, rolling her eyes. “And as for what you said earlier-” Kara cut off with a small scowl.

Lena placed her tablet on the table and got up, swiping Kara’s skittles as she stood. She walked over and plopped down on the other side of the couch, smirking at Kara before throwing some of the brightly colored candy into her mouth. Kara’s own mouth fell open in outrage as she watched Lena continue to eat her candy.

“Oh Rao,” Kara suddenly exclaimed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand. “Aunt Astra, for the last time, humans don’t do that.” Brief pause. “That show is based on the past, meaning its concepts are outdated.” Pause. “That’s because Cat Grant is… I don’t even know what she is, but it doesn’t surprise me that you asked if you could court her and she said yes.” Kara’s eyes flashed open and she slapped her hand over her mouth.

Lena just quirked an eyebrow and continued eating Kara’s candy.

“Nope, sorry, no can do, we’re busy tomorrow,” Kara said hurriedly. “There’s a, uh, work thing. Yeah, Lena has a work thing, and I’m her bodyguard so I need to be there too.” Kara nodded to herself, and Lena realized why the woman had come clean so quickly about being an alien: she was a horrible liar. Absolutely horrible. Well, at least Lena knew Kara had been honest about not spying on her now. She might need to move her fuzzy sock collection to a safer location, though.

Lena held the skittle bag over the floor and tilted it, spilling the candy, and when Kara flashed over to catch it all Lena snatched the phone out of her hand.

“Hello, Lena Luthor speaking,” Lena said calmly, eyeing Kara with amusement. The blonde was frozen, one hand still near her ear and the other out to the side and full of skittles, and her head was practically in Lena’s lap, her legs sprawled behind her on the couch. Lena let the empty skittle bag fall to the floor.

_“I am General Astra of Krypton. Why has my niece given you the cellular phone?”_

“Well, General Astra, I couldn’t help but to overhear Kara’s side of the conversation, and it sounds like you invited us to something. I may have work, but I _am_ the CEO, so I can shift things around if need be.”

_“Cat and I would like for you and my niece to come to dinner at our home tomorrow night, at 19:00 hours. If that will not work, we could also come to yours.”_

Kara gave Lena a pleading look, and she patted the Kryptonian’s blonde head.

“No, Kara and I can come to yours, General,” Lena said silkily, grinning when Kara started to pout. Lena unconsciously began playing with Kara’s hair as Astra rattled off her address and told her, once again, that she expected to see them at seven pm in military time. “We’ll be there, General. Would you like me to put Kara back on the phone?”

_“No. I shall see her tomorrow, and you as well. Thank you, Miss Luthor. Farewell.”_

Astra hung up before Lena could respond, and she stared at the phone with a small frown before looking down at Kara. She had flipped around so that the back of her head was resting on Lena’s thighs, the hand clutching the skittles resting on her stomach and her other continually plucking some of the rainbow candies up and dropping them into her mouth. Lena blushed when she realized she was combing through the blonde curls splayed across the armrest with her free hand.

“So, we’ll be having dinner with Cat and Astra tomorrow night,” Lena said after clearing her throat a bit awkwardly. She tried to pull her hand away from Kara’s hair but Kara’s skittle-transportation hand took a break from its (very important) task long enough to flash up and gently guide her hand back to the blonde curls. Lena blinked in surprise but went back to playing with Kara’s hair, a small smile on her face.

“Mmm, feels good,” Kara mumbled, closing her eyes. “Dinner with CatAstra-trophe, fun. Is this my punishment for not sitting on the whoopee cushions?”

“Definitely,” Lena murmured, tossing Kara’s phone to the other end of the couch. She scratched Kara’s scalp and Kara moaned quietly. Lena’s blush darkened, but that didn’t stop her from continuing to pet Kara’s hair, occasionally throwing in a nice scalp scritch for good measure (and Kara moaned a little louder each time, holy fuck).

They didn’t speak for several minutes, Kara finishing off most of the skittles but reaching up every once in a while to offer some to Lena, who accepted them each time with a wry smile- she was being paid in candy to give an alien head scratches. Kara didn’t speak again until all of the candy was gone.

“Just so you know, Cat saw me holding your hand at the meeting and told Astra, so now my aunt thinks we’re courting,” Kara said casually. Lena squeaked in alarm, causing Kara to pry one eye open and look at her with a wide, lazy smile. “I told her we’re not, but she doesn’t believe me.”

“She’d probably believe you even less if she saw us right now,” Lena muttered. She bit her lip immediately after, not having meant to say that out loud. Kara huffed out a laugh.

“True. Alex texted me last night and asked if we were dating.”

“What? Why?” Lena demanded. Alex didn’t even know they’d held hands!

“Something about you calling me ‘darling’ and us snuggling up in your office at the prison.” Kara’s smiled widened when Lena blushed and muttered a curse. “Would you wanna date me?”

“W- w- what?” Lena sputtered, the hand petting Kara’s hair coming to an abrupt halt. Kara reached up and laid her hand on top of Lena’s, lightly running her thumb over her knuckles.

“I’m not saying we need to court or anything. I’ve been on Earth long enough to know the customs. But… would you wanna go on a date with me?” Kara asked, her voice quiet.

“Hypothetically, or…?”

“Literally.” Kara’s eyes met Lena’s, and the brunette gulped at the intensity of her gaze.

“W- well since you used ‘literally’ correctly, I kind of have to now,” Lena tried to joke. Kara didn’t even blink, and Lena sighed. “Okay, fine, I’d like to go on a date with you. Happy?”

“Exceedingly,” Kara chirped. She let go of Lena’s hand and darted up, pressing a kiss to her cheek before getting off the couch entirely and making a beeline for the kitchen.

“Kara!” Lena exclaimed, a fierce blush on her face.

“Wha?” Kara walked back in, half a sandwich in her hands and the other half stuffed in her mouth. “I wa’ hung’y.”

Lena groaned, but before she could question whether or not saying yes to a date had been a bad decision Kara had finished scarfing down her sandwich and was sitting beside her on the couch again, asking her advice for the sentencing of an alien with the average lifespan of 784.325 Earth years who had robbed a bank (using their shapeshifting powers to sneak in and out, so no one even knew til later) in order to feed and shelter their family after their ship crashed on Earth.

///

“What… is all this?” Lena asked, coming to an abrupt halt in the entryway of her living room. The couch had been pushed back and the coffee table had been relocated to the side of the room, several blankets and pillows spread over the floor in its place. Kara was sitting with her back up against the front of the couch, and she turned to grin at Lena, waving her arm as if to showcase the plates piled high with food scattered across the impromptu indoor picnic.

“Our first official date,” Kara declared, bouncing slightly. She patted a space near where she was sitting, and Lena noticed a large, fluffy pillow propped against the chair she’d been seated in earlier. She carefully made her way over to the chair and sat down on the piled blankets, relaxing back into the surprisingly comfortable pillow.

“I agree to go on a date with you this morning, and we’re already doing it this afternoon?” Lena asked lightly, a teasing lilt to her voice. “You move quite fast, Miss Danvers.”

“ _Super_ fast, some might say,” Kara said, grinning. Lena let out a surprised snort of laughter, and Kara’s grin grew even wider. She passed Lena an empty plate and gestured for the woman to choose from the assorted foods.

“And what, pray tell, did you mean when you said ‘official’ date?” Lena asked curiously as she began placing food on her plate. It wasn’t just a picnic- it was a fucking buffet. There was a plate piled high with different kinds of sandwiches, three different bowls of chips, a lineup of waters and juices, a plate with a pyramid of donuts, a plastic container full of cupcakes, a large bowl Lena had never managed to find a use for overflowing with potstickers from Kara’s favorite takeout place, five boxes of pizza, several bags of candy, a plate with chocolate-covered strawberries, and a watermelon carved into a bowl full of cut up fruits (likely only for Lena, considering Kara’s aversion to the swan-shaped fruit salad at the zoo). Lena ended up taking a bit of everything as Kara watched with a satisfied smile, apparently deciding getting Lena to eat a veritable mountain of junk food was a success.

“Well we did go to the museum,” Kara said, smiling. “And the zoo, and we held hands that time.” Kara’s smile turned to a smirk when Lena blushed and rolled her eyes.

“Friends can do those things, too, you know,” Lena mumbled, embarrassed (okay, so maybe her plans to ditch and/or prank her cute bodyguard where dangerously close to dates… that didn’t mean said bodyguard needed to point it out). She watched as Kara demolished half a pizza in less than a minute. “I think that’s your most enviable superpower.”

“Eating?” Kara asked with a scoff. “Please, flying is way better.”

“Oh? So flying beats potstickers, then?” Lena asked. She took a delicate bite of pizza and rolled her eyes when Kara shoved an entire slice into her mouth. Honestly.

“Yep,” Kara said once she’d swallowed. “You should let me take you flying at night some time. National City looks really pretty all lit up.”

“Maybe,” Lena said quietly. “I don’t have the best of luck when it comes to flying, you know.” She took a sip of water, trying not to think of all the times her aircraft had nearly been shot down.

“Yeah, but like, I’m indestructible,” Kara pointed out. “Trust me, Alex tried. She shot a rocket launcher at me once.” Kara’s face scrunched up. “She also dared me to eat a grenade a few months ago. It actually gave me a stomachache.”

Lena nearly choked on her bite of donut.

“ _That’s_ what she did with my enhanced grenades? Made you eat them?” Lena gave Kara an incredulous look, and the blonde shrugged. “Kara! You are not, under any circumstance, supposed to _eat_ a fucking grenade!”

“I only ate _one_!” Kara protested. “Alex used the first one to blow up some big rock in the desert before she had me eat the second, and she’s saving the third for… a, uh… wet day?”

“A rainy day?” Lena clarified, and Kara nodded, blushing.

“Sorry. I’m not that good with Earth sayings,” Kara mumbled, looking down at her plate. Lena immediately reached out and grabbed Kara’s arm, squeezing briefly.

“Hey, it’s fine. Hearing the same thing over and over is boring anyway. It’s refreshing to hear whatever you come up with. I like it.” Lena smiled when Kara looked up at her, and Kara gave her a small, hesitant smile in response. Unable to resist, Lena leaned over and kissed Kara lightly on the cheek. “So,” Lena began, settling back into her pillow, “I’ve been meaning to ask you some things.”

“What’s up?” Kara mumbled around an obscenely large bite of sandwich.

“How did you get President Marsdin to come to our meeting? I barely managed to get her secretary on the phone,” Lena grumbled, a small scowl on her face. The President’s secretary had been stonewalling her and she’d been growing more and more annoyed when Kara had set her laptop down and appeared at Lena’s side, silently holding out her hand. Lena, frustrated and knowing she wasn’t getting anywhere, had nearly shoved the phone at Kara. All Kara had had to do was give her name, and suddenly she was transferred to the President. Kara had told her she’d like the President to come to a meeting, then handed the phone to a slack-jawed Lena and had had to shake her shoulder a few times before she got herself together enough to explain everything to the President of the United States. And Lena still didn’t know how the hell her bodyguard had done it.

“Uh…” Kara looked anywhere but at Lena, and the brunette had a sudden, horrible thought as she remembered a previous conversation about super hearing.

“Please tell me you didn’t get the President to come to our meeting by blackmailing her with something… uh, private, you overheard,” Lena pleaded, her nose wrinkling in disgust. Kara stared at her blankly for a moment before it clicked. Her expression quickly matched Lena’s.

“Ew, no! I don’t know anything about her sex life! _Lena!_ ”

“What?” Lena asked, bursting into laughter at Kara’s horrified expression. “You’re the one who said you had plenty of blackmail material in that area!” Kara made a gagging sound.

“No! Rao, get your mind out of the… dirty place…?” Kara’s nose scrunched up, but she just shook her head and shrugged. “Anyway, no, I didn’t blackmail her with her _sex life_.” Lena’s eyes narrowed at Kara’s wording, her laughter quickly fading.

“…But you did blackmail her?”

“Uh, not… I mean, I never actually threatened her or anything? You heard me- I just said I’d like her to come to our meeting.” Kara fiddled with her glasses, a guilty look on her face.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Lena began warningly. Kara gave her a wounded look.

“Oh come on, even my girlfriend is full-naming me now?” Kara whined.

“Y- your girl… we haven’t even… this is our first… Kara! Quit distracting me!” Lena huffed and threw a chip at the grinning Kryptonian, who easily caught the edible projectile in her mouth.

“If being annoyed means you throw food at my face I’mma have to annoy you more often,” Kara said happily.

“Be glad I’m surrounded by junk food and not kale,” Lena warned, arching an eyebrow. Kara shuddered, but managed to grin.

“Good luck throwing a leaf at me, babe. Its surface-area-to-weight ratio is not skewed in your favor.”

“How about you tell me how you blackmailed our president and I’ll refrain from throwing this watermelon at your head, _babe_ ,” Lena said as menacingly as she could, reaching out and lifting the watermelon. Kara just laughed, and Lena couldn’t help but smile.

“Fine, fine, you win!” Kara said, giggling. “Let’s just say, Marsdin is a bit more… durable… than your average President. Saying anything more than that would definitely violate my NDA.”

“She’s an alien, isn’t she?” Lena asked with a sigh as she set the watermelon down. Kara’s eyes widened and she clamped her lips together. “Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to confirm it. It does explain how a woman ended up the President in a country with so much patriarchal sexism, though,” Lena mused to herself. She got lost in her thoughts for a moment before she blinked back to reality, only to find a pair of intense blue eyes inches from her own. “Uh… hi?”

“You said ‘some things’, plural, meaning you have other questions. I suggest you ask what Cat said to me in Kryptonese next,” Kara whispered before pulling back.

“…Why?”

“Cuz you’re in a bad mood now, and this is our first official date, so I want it to be happy- I want _you_ to be happy. And I know you’re probably planning on asking it anyway, so you should ask it now, cuz anytime I talk about _the incident_ it makes people laugh.”

“The incident?” Lena asked, curious despite herself. “Okay, I’ll bite, what did Cat say to you in Kryptonese?”

“Wait, you’re gonna bite me? You shouldn’t do that, you’ll hurt your teeth. Oh wait that just means you’ll ask what I told you to, nevermind.” Kara laughed nervously and fiddled with her glasses again before piling more food onto her plate. She must have finished off the sandwiches already cuz the closest thing to one on her plate now was a donut wedged between two slices of pizza. Lena prayed to whatever was out there that she’d eat them separately. “Okay, so, I landed on this planet and was taken in by the Danvers when I was around thirteen Earth years old,” Kara began. “A little over two years later, I was visiting my cousin in Metropolis and when he was showing me around the Daily Planet we ran into Cat Grant- this was a few months before she left for National City and founded CatCo- and I nearly fainted when I saw the woman with her, because I’d thought Aunt Astra had died on Krypton with everyone else, but there she was, standing right in front of me!”

“That… must’ve been one hell of a surprise,” Lena murmured.

“Heck yeah.” Kara nodded. “It would have been even worse if I’d thought she was my mom, but luckily I’ve always been able to tell them apart. Oh, they were identical twins, by the way. Anyway, I was kinda freaking out, so Astra dragged me into Cat’s little office, and Cat and Clark followed, extremely confused- especially Clark since I was already stronger than him and this random woman was literally dragging me away. And then Astra had to explain to me how she hadn’t been on Krypton at the end, how she, er, well, her husband, Non, was kinda sorta a really bad dude, and when they both found out Krypton was dying he manipulated Astra into doing some bad stuff, and they were both sentenced to Fort Rozz. Astra and Non managed to take over the prison though, which was a giant spaceship, and when they crash landed on Earth Non tried to get her to do bad stuff again, but she’d had enough of him and killed him. Cat was tracking a story about escaped alien convicts and found Astra, and my aunt had her gay awakening and within an hour of meeting her asked Cat if she could court her.”

“And Cat actually said yes?” Lena blurted, recalling what Kara had said earlier on the phone. Kara rolled her eyes.

“Yup. I still don’t really get it- either side. Who says yes to an escaped alien convict asking to court them? What escaped alien convict asks a human they just met if they can court them?” Kara threw her hands up in the air. “It’s just weird.”

“Weird, yes. Funny… still not seeing it,” Lena commented.

“Oh, right, I’m not there yet.” Kara bit back a grimace, and Lena raised her eyebrows when she noticed Kara’s cheeks heating up. “I’d like to reiterate that I was like fifteen Earth years old, okay? I was a teenager. And my suddenly-back-from-the-dead aunt just told me she’d killed her husband- not that I ever liked him, but killing your spouse is pretty much frowned upon no matter what planet you’re from, well except for, uh, anyway- and that she was courting this tiny, rude human woman who was eyeing me like I was something on the bottom of her impractically tall shoes, and I kinda, uh…” Kara closed her eyes for a moment before looking down at the cupcake she was nervously shredding with her fingers. “I kinda threw a tantrum and completely destroyed Cat’s office. And like half the Daily Planet building.”

Lena’s eyes widened and she made a sound half between choking and laughter, suddenly remembering years back when all the news stations had been showing footage of the Daily Planet building, the majority of it rubble, what was once Cat Grant’s office a large crater with a suspiciously shoe-shaped center, as if some superpowered toddler had stomped their foot. Lena had tagged along with Lex to ogle it, and had been both impressed and horrified at the damage. It was later passed off as some kind of rogue alien attack, but at the time a disgruntled Cat Grant was recorded complaining about an ‘immature over-powered brat’ when Superman set her down safely outside the building.

“You- you’re the immature over-powered brat,” Lena gasped out between shoulder-shaking laughter. Kara’s pout only made her laugh harder. “Holy shit! What- what did Cat say at- at the meeting?” Lena managed to ask, and Kara sighed, her face reddening further.

“She basically told me to warn her if I was about to turn L-Corp to dust by throwing another super tantrum so she’d have time to get out of the way,” Kara mumbled, wincing when Lena started laughing so hard she could barely breathe. “It’s not _that_ funny, Lena.”

“Oh yes, it so is,” Lena crowed. She managed to calm down eventually, looking at Kara with sparkling eyes, her smile so wide her dimples were showing. “Darling, if you didn’t think it was that funny, why did you tell me to try to cheer me up?”

“I just- well, Alex laughed so hard she spurted beer out her nose once, and Winn nearly needed an inhaler, and Nia fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor, and I just really wanted to hear you laugh again and I wasn’t thinking about the fact that you’d be laughing _at me_ ,” Kara admitted sheepishly.

Lena bit her lip and reached out to cup Kara’s cheek with one hand, stroking her thumb lightly over the flushed skin.

“Thank you for cheering me up, darling,” Lena murmured. She scooted closer to Kara and leaned forward, capturing the Kryptonian’s lips in a kiss. It was slow and chaste for a moment, both women reveling in the softness and warmth of the other, but when Kara’s tongue swiped across Lena’s bottom lip and the brunette allowed it entrance, Lena suddenly found herself straddling Kara’s lap as the woman eagerly licked into her mouth.

When Lena eventually pulled away for air, Kara started kissing her way down the column of Lena’s throat, occasionally stopping to suck lightly but seemingly being careful not to actually mark her. Lena whimpered when she felt Kara’s teeth graze her skin, and she felt Kara smirk before the blonde kissed her way back to Lena’s lips.

Kara’s hands were curled around Lena’s hips, Lena’s hands buried in Kara’s hair, when a loud knock on the door made them (oh so reluctantly) pull apart. Their faces were inches away as they both gasped for breath, eyes wide and faces flushed. Another knock and Lena stood on shaky legs, offering Kara a hand up when the blonde made a small sound of disappointment at no longer having Lena on her lap. Soon both were standing and trying to make themselves presentable.

“Who the fuck is it?” Lena hissed to Kara as she smoothed the wrinkles out of her shirt. Kara, who had lost her glasses at some point during their make out session, shot a glance to the door and muttered what Lena was pretty sure was a curse word in Kryptonese. Or maybe several based on the length. She really needed to have Kara start teaching her the language. “Well?”

“It’s Alex,” Kara whispered, a look of dread on her face. She quickly pulled her messy hair into a ponytail and made her way to the door.

“I’m not ready yet!” Lena whisper-yelled.

“If we don’t let her in soon she’ll break the door down,” Kara replied quietly. “Trust me, she’s done it to me before.” Kara gave Lena a few more seconds before pulling the door open, a painfully wide smile on her face. “Alex, hey! What’s up?” Kara asked, her voice high with false cheer.

“I _was_ coming to ask for some of that power-negating solution you guys unveiled at the prison for the DEO, preferably a 24-hour version, but it seems I interrupted something,” Alex drawled, waltzing into the apartment as Kara spluttered.

“What? Interrupted something? Us? Pffft, no, you aren’t interrupting anything! Lena, back me up on this,” Kara rambled, turning large, beseeching eyes to the young Luthor. Alex had been taking in the picnic setup, but at Kara’s plea she also turned to Lena, her smirk growing when she saw how disheveled the usually put together woman was.

“Yeah, Lena,” Alex taunted happily, “back her up. Tell me I didn’t just walk in on you two making out in the middle of your picnic date my sister set up.”

“…She’s good,” was all Lena could say as she walked over to Kara, patting the pouting woman on the shoulder.

“That I am, Luthor,” Alex said happily, preening.

“Lena, I really don’t think Alex needs anymore confidence. She already runs into fights like she can single-handedly defeat all the bad guys. I can actually _do_ that and she’s _still_ more confident than me.” Kara’s face scrunched up and Alex laughed.

“Yeah yeah. Just give me the recipe for that weird solution of yours and I’ll get out of your hair, love birds.” Alex plopped down on the chair, snatching a donut as she went. Kara scowled when Alex took a bite with a dramatic moan. “Why don’t you ever make _me_ a junk food picnic, sis?”

“Make your own,” Kara grumbled.

Lena looked between the two sisters for a moment, trying to tell if her annoyance at Alex for interrupting outweighed her amusement (and relief) at the agent’s reaction to their date. Deciding they were about even when Alex chucked a donut over Kara’s head and the Kryptonian caught it like a dog catching a frisbee, Lena grabbed her tablet and sat on the couch, smiling when Kara sat beside her.

“You said you wanted a 24-hour version, correct?” Lena asked, double-checking. Alex nodded, rolling her eyes when Kara slumped against Lena and rested her head on her shoulder to peer at the tablet. Lena began to alter some of the measurements, and when she hesitated a moment Kara reached over and typed in a number, Lena nodding her agreement a few seconds later. When they’d finished altering the recipe Lena printed a copy, Kara disappearing and reappearing with it in less than a second and handing it to Alex.

“The _zha zha_?” Alex read curiously. “Why are you still calling it by its Kryptonian name?” She gave them both an odd look, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously when she noticed Kara trying to contain her laughter. “Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Alex began, but Kara turned and hid her face in Lena’s shoulder. So Alex turned to Lena. “Lena Kieran Luthor.”

“It means ‘no-no’ in English,” Lena admitted sheepishly. Since when had Alex’s big sister look worked on her? It was incredibly annoying. It was even more annoying when Alex’s face contorted strangely before the agent let out a guffaw that rivalled Kara’s back in the fortress. “It’s not _that_ funny.”

“It is. J’onn is gonna love this,” Alex gasped. “The solution that’s gonna be such a big help to apprehending dangerous aliens with lethal abilities… is called the no-no!” Alex pulled a pen out of her pocket and scrawled _No-No_ on the top. “I thought maybe it was some word Kara hadn’t taught me, but this… this is perfect.”

“Okay, Alex, you got what you came for. So leave. Shoo,” Kara said, making a shooing motion towards the door. It was the wrong move. Alex leaned over and grabbed a slice of pizza before settling back comfortably in her chair. Kara muttered something in Kryptonese again and Alex gave her a disapproving look.

“Watch your mouth,” Alex said as she took an enormous bite of pizza. Lena began to wonder if the way Kara ate was contagious.

“Unless I have a reflective surface that is physically impossible,” Kara quipped, and Lena snorted in amusement.

“Oh for-” Alex cut herself off and gave Kara a sly look. “So, what exactly did I interrupt earlier, hmm? Were you two sharing childhood memories and asking each other’s favorite color?” Alex batted her eyes innocently when Kara’s face turned red. Lena was sure hers wasn’t much better. “Oooh, something more fun, then? Maybe a little making out, what with this being your third date and all?”

“Our first date, actually,” Lena said stiffly. Alex choked on her bite of pizza, and Kara tossed a bottle of apple juice to her. She took several gulps before looking at them both in shock.

“There’s no way this is your first date. I mean, I can maybe excuse the museum, but the zoo? Kara texted me gushing about how you held her hand the entire time!”

If Kara wasn’t invulnerable Lena would have elbowed her. Hard. As it was, she settled for whacking her with a throw pillow. Kara just grinned.

“It’s our first _official_ date,” Kara said happily. Her expression quickly soured. “Or at least it _was_ until someone decided to interrupt.” Alex actually winced at that, an apologetic look on her face.

“Oops. Sorry about that.”

“Now is the time for you to shoo,” Kara stage-whispered. Alex, however, got a determined glint in her eyes and turned to Lena. Even with a slight tomato sauce mustache Alex still managed to look intimidating.

“So, Lena, what exactly are your intentions with my little sister?” Alex asked, her face devoid of emotion. “And before you answer, I’d like to remind you that I own several guns. And an impressive grenade.”

“Ah yes, the one that can give a Kryptonian a stomachache, I’m aware,” Lena drawled. “Next time I’m only making you one.” _That_ got Alex’s attention.

“Hey! Kara, why’d you tell her?” Alex glared at Kara, who just shrugged, a wide grin on her face. Alex groaned. “Okay, okay, no shovel talk, I get it. Geez. I never should have introduced you two,” Alex grumbled. She stood up to leave, but jumped when there was a loud farting sound. “What the fuck?”

Alex glared at Lena, but apparently realizing she’d been as startled as Alex, she turned her glare to Kara, who had a wicked grin on her face.

“Whoopee cushions are boring,” Kara explained. “I figured making them sound when you stood up instead of when you sat down would make things a little more interesting.”

“Whoopee cushions? Really?” Alex crossed her arms and shook her head.

“You’re the one who said I couldn’t do pranks that would separate me from Kara,” Lena said defensively. “That either means old school pranks or pranking myself as well, and I’m definitely not about to do the latter.”

“I definitely shouldn’t have introduced you two,” Alex grumbled again, slamming the door on her way out (or at least she tried to slam it- rich people with hella tight security apparently had slam-proof doors, which only worsened Alex’s mood… she cheered up again when she handed J’onn the no-no solution and saw his look of disbelief at the name, though).

///

Alex’s departure did not, unfortunately, mean a continuation of their make out session. Instead, a slightly embarrassed Kara put in a movie, and their date quickly turned into a movie marathon (with Kara occasionally disappearing to bring more ‘snacks’- aka full meals for any human). Lena would have been annoyed at the lack of kissing, but Kara’s cuddling skills were superb.

///

“Ya know what, I’m feeling kinda ill. How about we call Astra, or better yet, text her, and tell her we can’t come tonight?” Kara suggested, coughing weakly into her fist. “See? Don’t wanna get anyone sick.”

“Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Lena began, a small grin on her face, “you’re a Kryptonian living under a yellow sun. You can’t _get_ sick.”

“Maybe I can! How would you know?” Kara asked, pouting. “Maybe it’s, like, some kind of mutated alien virus. You know, the kind that would mean I had to be on bed rest for the next day or so.”

“Alex has been texting me since last night about how annoying it was growing up with someone who didn’t get sick, didn’t get acne, could eat all the junk food she wanted and never work out but still have muscles, who never struggled academically or physically, who-”

“Okay, I get it!” Kara interrupted, throwing her hands up in surrender. “I understand- my girlfriend and my sister are teaming up against me and I’m doomed.”

Lena had been planning on continuing the list of Alex’s grievances (apparently the woman hadn’t had anyone suitable to vent to, ever, and Lena had somehow been deemed appropriate), but she paused, giving Kara a thoughtful look.

“What?” Kara shifted slightly. “I’m not really sick or anything. I just don’t wanna go. I’m fine, promise.”

“That’s not it,” Lena said quietly. “I mean, I already know you’re fine, and I’m glad, just… that’s the second time you called me your girlfriend.”

“So?” Kara asked, tilting her head in question. Lena resisted the urge to call her a puppy.

“ _So_ ,” Lena repeated, rolling her eyes, “usually you have to ask someone to be your girlfriend before you can call them that. Agreeing to date is one thing, agreeing to be in a more structured relationship is another.”

“Oh,” Kara said, a small sound of disappointment escaping. “I guess… I just thought… sorry.” She sighed and fell silent, looking down at her feet. Lena reached out and poked her lightly in the stomach, causing Kara to give her a confused look. Lena raised her eyebrows. Kara took a moment. Then, “OH!” Kara’s disappointment turned to excitement. “Lena Kieran Luthor, will you pretty please be my girlfriend?”

“Fuck yes,” Lena replied, leaning over and kissing Kara.

///

“Lena, Keira, so glad you both could make it,” Cat said as soon as she’d opened the door. It took all of Lena’s Luthor training not to laugh aloud at Kara’s resulting grumble (Lena had spent the day learning Kryptonese from Kara, starting with the curse words, and that one was a _doozy_ \- well, if Kara’s eating style wasn’t infectious it seemed her word choices were…. _Shoot_ …. No, damn it. Fuck. Shit. Son of a-)

“Cat,” Astra began, stepping into the doorway and wrapping her arm around the shorter woman’s waist, “I know you like to tease my niece, but I would very much appreciate if you both tried to be polite to one another, or at least not openly hostile, whilst we eat dinner.”

“Fine,” Cat agreed, sighing. Kara nodded her head stiffly.

“Good. Now then, why don’t you both come in and Kara can introduce us properly.” Astra stepped away from the door, pulling Cat with her, and Lena followed Kara in, wondering just how old-fashioned Krypton had been despite its advanced technology. Courting? Introduce us properly?

“Aunt Astra, Cat-”

“You could call me your aunt too, you know,” Cat interjected. Astra sighed and gave Lena a beseeching look.

“Aunt Astra, Aunt Kitty-”

“Nevermind, Keira, stick with Cat,” Cat said sharply. Kara smirked, a look of triumph in her eyes.

“Aunt Astra, Cat, this is Lena Luthor, and she’s my girlfriend… as of about five minutes ago- we agreed on the ride here. Lena, this is my aunt Astra and her girlfriend, Cat Grant.” Kara stopped talking and Cat gave her a look. “Sorry, Cat Grant, Queen of All Media.” Kara rolled her eyes.

“Fourth time’s the charm,” Lena couldn’t help but say. Kara and Astra looked confused, but Cat gave Lena an assessing look.

“I like you,” Cat decided. “Let’s move this to the dining room, shall we?”

Once they were all seated, Lena biting back a smile when Astra pulled out Cat’s chair for her and Kara mimicked the gesture, pulling out Lena’s chair with a flourish, Lena felt the awkwardness settle over them. It wasn’t quite as bad as Luthor family dinners had been, but it was definitely a runner-up.

“So, Kara-” Cat began, putting… were those chicken nuggets?… on her plate before passing the pan to Astra.

“Oh look, you know my name,” Kara grumbled. Cat sighed.

“I’ve told you this before,” Cat began, a look in her eyes Lena couldn’t name, “but I’ll repeat myself since you apparently weren’t listening, despite that super hearing of yours. I know you, Kara, so I know that one day you’ll decide wearing a cape and flying around in your family crest is the best way to help people, and once you’ve made up your mind there’ll be no stopping you. When that day comes, you can’t have someone who is constantly surrounded by reporters, such as myself, slipping up in a moment of weakness or exhaustion and calling you ‘Kara’. Your identity would be discovered just like that,” Cat emphasized, snapping her fingers. Kara opened her mouth to speak as Astra handed her the chicken nuggets, but Cat continued. “Besides, you’ll be working for me eventually, and I don’t pronounce anyone’s name correctly- unless it’s to make a point to someone else, of course.”

Cat smirked. Kara scowled. Astra rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her face. And Lena? Lena was confused.

“You think Kara will decide to be a superhero like her cousin?” Lena asked. “And… what, a reporter like him too?” Kara passed her the (mostly empty- there were small mountains on both Kryptonian’s plates) pan of chicken nuggets.

“You know of Kal El’s human identity,” Astra observed, eyes narrowed. Lena shoveled the remaining chicken nuggets onto her plate, figuring that if she didn’t finish them Kara would.

“Kara mentioned his so-called disguise and I figured it out. He’s interviewed me a few times.” Lena shrugged, thanking Kara quietly when she passed her a bowl of mashed potatoes.

“You are smart for a human, then?” Astra asked.

Lena arched her eyebrow at the phrasing, trying to decide if she really wanted to get into an argument with her girlfriend’s (mental squeal) aunt their first meeting, even as she passed the potatoes to Cat.

“She’s a genius by human standards,” Kara agreed, “and by Kryptonian standards as well. Lena may not have had access to the knowledge we did growing up, but what she has done with what she did have has proven that had she been born on Krypton she would have been admitted to the Science Guild even earlier than I.”

Kara and Astra had a staring contest a few moments before Astra looked away, assessing Lena as Cat had done earlier. It would have been way more intimidating if Astra wasn’t proving to Lena just how close her relation to Kara was by stuffing so many chicken nuggets in her mouth she looked a little like a chipmunk. Lena supposed it was like Alex had mentioned- child Kara had expressed annoyance at having to eat so much when she hadn’t had to on Krypton, but at this point she basically just constantly ate huge quantities of food on autopilot. Despite Astra’s sterner appearance, she was much the same.

“I approve of this match,” Astra eventually said, nodding. Her mountain of chicken nuggets was half its original size. A glance to Kara’s showed hers was completely gone.

“She’s my _girlfriend_ , Aunt Astra, we aren’t courting,” Kara mumbled, her cheeks tinged pink.

“ _Yet_ ,” Astra said in Kryptonese. Her eyes were trained on Kara, who meekly nodded, apparently not realizing that was one of the few non-curse words she’d taught Lena earlier that day (she’d wanted to know in case of situations similar to this, actually, though usually with her being the one saying it). Now Lena blushed, and judging by Cat’s smirk she definitely noticed. Fuck. She needed to change the subject before Cat went into interview mode (there was a reason Lena had never agreed to any CatCo interviews- Cat Grant was terrifying when she wanted to be, and Lena had enough on her plate with the fallout after Lex and running a suddenly-failing company and, oh yeah, dozens of death threats a month).

“So Kara, why does Cat think you’re going to be working for her, again?” Lena asked. Kara gave her a curious look, but seemed to read the desperation in her eyes.

“Oh, uh, well, do you remember when Cat wrote that piece about the corrupt governor?” Kara continued when Lena nodded (that had been a _doozy_ \- damn it). “She was getting death threats, and there was an attempt on her life- though Aunt Astra was with her at the time so it all turned out okay- well anyway Aunt Astra works in the military now, and she was needed elsewhere, but she didn’t wanna leave Cat alone. So she used her connections to have me assigned as Cat’s bodyguard- yeah, I know, I get this role a lot- so I was babysitting Cat,” Kara smirked when the woman huffed in annoyance, “and I did have to stop a few bullets and bombs, but I was bored. So when one of Cat’s reporters quit suddenly and she was flipping out about the article he was supposed to write, I did the research, conducted some interviews over the phone, and wrote the article. I guess it turned out okay since it went to print.” Kara shrugged like it was no big deal. The look on Cat’s face said otherwise (as did Lena’s admittedly limited knowledge of CatCo- it was nearly impossible for a rookie reporter to get a job there).

“Kara,” Cat said calmly, her eye twitching, “you managed to produce a well-written, unbiased, heavily informed, comprehensible article on alien technology’s integration into human society in less than a day, while simultaneously being my bodyguard _and_ my personal assistant.” She turned to Lena, a wicked twinkle in her eyes. “I made her do even more than my past personal assistants, all of whom quit within a month. She lasted three years.”

“You were her bodyguard for three _years_?” Lena exclaimed. Holy shit. “No wonder you were so annoyed when Alex told you she’d called you in to be my bodyguard- for all you knew it would be another gig that lasted years.”

“I was annoyed _at first_ ,” Kara corrected. “Until Alex told me the person I’d be guarding was _you_.” She gave Lena a soft smile full of wonder. “Kal made sure to keep me updated on any Luthor’s movements, and when you moved to National City, the same city my sister lives, he pretty much threw a fit.”

“Can’t imagine a Kryptonian throwing a fit,” Cat muttered, smirking when Kara blushed.

“Ahem. Anyway, he was so freaked out I only got him to calm down by agreeing to look into you. I think he probably meant spying on you, but I just did some googling. And I found out you were the complete opposite of everything he’d said! You’d done all of these incredible things- and you’re still doing them, just look at the prison system you set up- so I kind of ended up fangirling over you. I dunno if you could tell but I was a little starstruck when we met.” Kara reached up to fiddle with her glasses, but she hadn’t worn them ( _“Astra hates when I wear ‘that useless Earth object meant to weaken’ me.”_ ), so she ended up brushing a curl of golden hair behind her ear instead, a pretty blush on her face. Still, Lena couldn’t resist.

“Ah yes, I definitely got starstruck vibes when you literally swept me off my feet and carried me through the DEO like a hunter showing off his latest kill,” Lena drawled. Kara looked at her, alarmed.

“I- I didn’t- it wasn’t like that! I’d never- gosh, Lena, was it really that bad?” Kara looked like a kicked puppy. Well fuck.

“No, it wasn’t that bad, I promise. I was just teasing you, darling.” Lena reached over and grabbed Kara’s hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing as hard as she could for a moment. Kara sniffled.

“O- okay. I just… I am sorry, that it made you uncomfortable and everything. Alex told me to do it when I spotted you peeking out of the armory.”

“Apology accepted.” Lena kissed Kara on the cheek, and the blonde’s worry disappeared as she beamed at Lena. “Though, I am a bit annoyed that you foiled my escape. For that, I think I’ll have to do… this.” Lena let go of Kara’s hand and snatched three chicken nuggets off of Kara’s plate (a second, much larger pan had been passed between the Kryptonians, and both women had even larger mountains of chicken nuggets on their plates than before).

“Lena,” Kara whined. Lena just grinned and tauntingly held the chicken nuggets out of reach. “Lena, my beloved girlfriend, pretty please don’t starve me,” Kara begged. Lena’s blush reached her ears (when the fuck had they transitioned to ‘beloved’) and she threw the chicken nuggets back onto Kara’s plate like they had burned her.

Kara, misreading the situation, grabbed Lena’s hand and inspected it, apparently worried the food had _actually_ burned her.

“I- uh, sorry, it didn’t burn me or anything. I’m, uh, fine,” Lena mumbled. Kara didn’t look convinced, but she released Lena’s hand (after pressing a soft kiss to her palm, and now Lena was sure her blush would never go away) and went back to eating.

The dinner progressed, both Kryptonians consuming an astounding amount of food as the humans watched, both Lena and Cat sporting expressions that were a mix of disbelief and pride, and somehow, shortly after dessert was brought out (ah, cookie dough ice cream, that was the connection), Kara and Lena’s trip to the zoo was brought up. Astra and Cat agreed that it definitely sounded like a date. What interested Astra most, however, was Kara playing with the lions. So Lena got out her phone and showed everyone the video. At the end, Astra had a thoughtful look on her face, and Cat was eyeing her girlfriend with something akin to dread.

“We should obtain a lion cub,” Astra said after awhile, and Cat groaned. “They are both playful and fierce, just like you, _:zhao_ ,” Astra took Cat’s hand away from her face (where Lena was pretty sure she was trying to stave off a headache, at least from personal experience), and kissed her knuckles. “I would train it myself. It could be the, ah, what did you call it? Flower girl? Yes, the flower girl at our wedding. Or the ring bearer. Perhaps both. No, we should get two! A male and a female, preferably not related, and mayhap their cubs could protect ours. We could mention the lion cubs when we ask Carter if he’d like to be a big brother! He’s already agreed to be your, uh, best man? Oh!” Astra exclaimed, turning to Kara. “That reminds me. Kara, would you be my maiden of honor? Kara? Niece, whatever is the matter?”

Lena turned to Kara and bit her lip when she saw her completely blank expression. Her eyes weren’t on her aunt’s questioning face, however, but locked onto Astra and Cat’s clasped hands. Lena followed her gaze and noted the ring on Cat’s finger and the seemingly matching bracelet on Astra’s wrist. Oh. Kara had just found out they were getting married, judging by this… non-reaction. Lena looked back at her girlfriend, wondering if she was about to be whisked away, or completely ditched if Kara super sped away. She was immensely relieved when Kara broke into a wide smile.

Kara began babbling in Kryptonese, Astra and Cat responding to what appeared to be questions whenever they could, though they thankfully were mindful of their other guest’s lack of Kryptonese comprehension and spoke in English.

“A month ago, on the twelfth anniversary of our meeting since Cat said she wanted a long engagement if we agreed to court.” Astra looked as if she’d expected her niece’s excitement, though her own bled through as well.

More Kryptonese questions. Maybe Lena shouldn’t have started with curse words.

“I grew up with rings, Kara, not bracelets. I’m perfectly fine with my wife having her bracelet and she’s fine with me having my ring- we know what they mean, and so do those who matter to us.” Cat’s smile was soft and bright and while Lena still believed all of the horror stories she’d heard about working at CatCo she no longer believed the CEO to be a heartless predator on the hunt for blood. No one heartless could smile like _that_.

Kara was calming slightly but she still didn’t seem to have registered she was speaking an alien tongue.

“We are planning two ceremonies- one Earth wedding and one Kryptonian. You may help me plan the latter- you were at my first and so long as you know to make everything completely opposite we shall do quite well.” Astra scowled slightly.

“He was an asshole,” Cat agreed.

Several questions about the particulars of each ceremony later, Kara finally realized she’d been speaking Kryptonese the entire time.

“Oh shoot. Sorry, Lena. Sometimes I forget to speak English when I’m excited.” She gave Lena a sheepish smile, cheeks pink, and Lena couldn’t resist leaning over to press a chaste kiss to her lips.

“It’s fine darling. I found it quite adorable. I would, however, like to speed up the schedule you made for teaching me Kryptonese. You said it would take three months for me to get a good grasp of the language, what with my workload- I want to do it in one.” Astra actually looked impressed at the timeline, and Cat… Lena didn’t realize someone could _look_ hungry for an interview, but Cat pulled it off.

“Hmmm. I think we could do that. You’ll have to do some multitasking though.”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you since you expressed your disbelief of my pranking agents while also running L-Corp, darling, but I am an _excellent_ multitasker,” Lena purred. She blushed when she realized that had sounded decidedly dirtier than she’d meant it to. Oh well, only Cat seemed to have noticed, and she didn’t look annoyed or anything. More like amused. That might be more concerning, actually. Oh well.

“Lena, you are of course invited to our weddings as well,” Astra said. She paused. “Along with El and Mayarah, the lion cubs I’m going to start training.” Cat sighed.

“I’m not going to win this fight, am I?” Cat asked helplessly. She turned to Lena. “One thing to be aware of, Lena, when getting involved with a Kryptonian. Once they name something, they’re keeping it. Even if they name it before they even get it.” Cat glared at Astra, who just looked smug.

“My Alex instinct is telling me there’s a joke here,” Kara muttered. “Uh… maybe if Astra can really handle that many cats? Get it? Cuz Cat Grant… and lions are big cats… no nevermind, that’s not it.” Kara looked very perplexed. Astra didn’t seem to mind the joke, humoring her niece with a small smile.

Cat and Lena shared a knowing look, both realizing that Alex _would_ have made a similar joke about Astra not being able to handle all those cats… only Alex wouldn’t have used the term ‘cats’.

“My pure, innocent little niece,” Cat said affectionately. She patted Kara on the head, and the Kryptonian broke out of her thoughts to scowl at her.

“Whatever, Aunt Kitty.”

“Right back at ya, Supergirl,” Cat said with a wink. It seemed the Queen of All Media already had a hero named picked out. Later, Lena would have the thought that if Kryptonians got to keep whatever they named, Cat Grant manifested whatever _she_ named.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda wanna write a one shot about Cat and Astra getting together now...


	6. Hi, Miss Luthor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I take for-hecking-ever to update and in case you don’t feel like reading the last 40k words again, here’s a summary of what ya need to know thus far:
> 
> Lena runs L-Corp and also works with the DEO, making them technology to help them better apprehend and contain aliens. She has had several attempts on her life (which seems to have become something of a character trait in any fics set in a canon-like universe, poor Lena) but she refuses to have a bodyguard or let agents tail her. She pranks them and manages to lose them any time they try, much to Alex’s frustration. So Alex calls in her Kryptonian sister to be Lena’s bodyguard.
> 
> Kara quite literally sweeps Lena off her feet, then becomes a bumbling (yet endearing) mess a few minutes later. She thwarts a kidnapping attempt and Lena insists her new bodyguard stay with her (Alex froze Kara’s accounts to get her to stay with Lena but Kara was still planning on not intruding any more than necessary to protect the scientist).
> 
> Kara sings in the shower. Lena begins to suspect Kara isn’t quite human. A trip to the museum (which is definitely not their first date, thank you very much) where Kara saves Lena’s life twice despite being left in a whale dangling from the ceiling ends with Kara revealing to Lena that she’s an alien (Kara, that is, not Lena… though I do have some fic ideas on my ever-growing list where Lena is an alien…. anyway). They go back to Lena’s apartment and order takeout and watch movies and Kara tells Lena her background story (basically the Supergirl intro on the show with some emotions cuz my characters don’t listen to me and don’t care that idk how to write emotional stuff). They go to the DEO because Alex wants to lecture them after the museum incident, where Lena finds out about J’onn being a Martian. She also starts laying into them about their prison system (apparently if I write anything long enough it becomes a social commentary). She and Kara escape Alex’s lecture (because I didn’t wanna write it), Lena taking a week off to fix it all.
> 
> Kara is a good cook and Lena hates her for it (affectionately, of course). They discuss how to get the prison to work and Lena makes some calls and they work on some tech together and make a visit to the Fortress of Solitude, where they obtain the zha zha (no-no) solution that deactivates aliens’ physical powers. They’re ahead of schedule so they go to the zoo on what is definitely not their second date even though they hold hands most of the time, and Kara saves Lena from a sniper (cuz what is Supercorp without near-death experiences that lead to forehead kisses???).
> 
> They have a meeting of big shots at L-Corp, including President Marsdin and Superman, and Cat Grant crashes, revealing to Lena that she is dating Kara’s aunt Astra. The prison is approved and all the DEO prisoners are transferred, their guilt to be determined by a Truth-Seeker and their sentence to be determined by Kara (with Lena and Brainy's help).
> 
> Astra calls and asks Kara and Lena to come to dinner. Kara doesn’t want to go but Lena pulls some tricks with some skittles and gets the phone, agreeing for them. Kara reveals that Astra thinks they’re courting, and also that Alex thinks they’re dating. She asks Lena out, and Lena says yes. Their first official date is an indoor picnic-turned-makeout-session that Alex crashes (because these two dumdums are apparently very horny and I’m not planning on writing any smut).
> 
> They go to the dinner, and Kara asks Lena to be her girlfriend on the way. Lena agrees. It’s probably good they have a driver.
> 
> Cat and Astra are getting married, which is revealed to Kara and Lena over a scrumptious dinner of chicken nuggets (yes, Cat Grant eats chicken nuggets- they’re probably some high class version though). Astra decides to get some lion cubs, El and Mayarah, much to Cat’s loving frustration (is that a thing? whatever it is now). Cat tells Lena that Kara is going to become Supergirl one day and work for her as a reporter- she already survived three years of being her personal assistant / bodyguard. Ooh foreshadowing~
> 
> ///
> 
> And now we’re starting off with a 3 month time skip cuz there are things I need to have happened that probably took some time to accomplish. Also, warning: this chapter has actual plot stuff that I figured needed to happen at some point. It's still all very chill though, despite a certain someone's best efforts.

It was the three month anniversary of the alien prison being established when everything went to hell. Well, okay that was a little dramatic. More like someone tried to _make_ everything go to hell, in a very elaborate way, and failed spectacularly.

Ever since the prison had opened, Lena’s reputation had been improving and attempts on her life had drastically declined, much to everyone’s relief. CatCo had published several articles on the prison, some focusing on Lena Luthor’s reasons for establishing the prison, others interviewing the aliens currently or formerly incarcerated there, and still others comparing the alien prison to human prisons and starkly outlining all the ways the alien prison was better (at this point there were bills being reviewed in Congress that would turn the United States’ policy from one of punishment to one of rehabilitation due to the nationwide grumblings stirred up by aliens being treated better than humans). There were even articles outlining the post-prison rehabilitation system Lena and Kara had set up (with the DEO’s help this time around, though that part was left out of course) for aliens who had been released after the initial two weeks of judgment, either exonerated or their time declared served by Superman’s cousin (and of course there were _plenty_ of articles on the newest Kryptonian, known only as K. Zor-El, who gave a glowing review of the prison they had helped the youngest Luthor create).

All in all, attacks on Lena Luthor and L-Corp by aliens had dropped to a resounding zero within a few weeks and had stayed that way. There were still a few attacks every month by vengeful human family members of people killed in Lex’s crusade or disgruntled ex-employees or even just xenophobes who hated the Luthor for her pro-alien policies (especially the prison, but also the newer products L-Corp had released that had originally been designed for the prison).

Kara was still Lena’s live-in bodyguard (and adoring girlfriend), though since the assassination attempts had drastically declined she had finally caved and become a rookie reporter at CatCo. She still accompanied Lena to and from work, doing a security check each time, and she brought her lunch every day, regaling her with tales of her colleagues’ antics as they ate. Kara may be the newest reporter, but her coworkers seemed to be using her as tech support- she was apparently the only one in the office who could actually work the photocopy machine.

And then there was Snapper.

“I don’t even bother correcting Cat when she calls me Kiera anymore,” Kara said between bites, unable to truly scowl when she was eating such a greasy, delicious burger. “It’s better than _Ponytail_. That’s not even a name!” Kara huffed indignantly and Lena stifled a giggle by taking a bite of her own burger. Kara looked at her suspiciously. “Are you laughing?”

“Me? Laughing at your expense? Never, darling.” Lena gave Kara a slow, lazy smirk, and the blonde narrowed her eyes, darting in to give Lena a messy, ketchup-y kiss on her cheek. “Eewww, Kara!” Lena tried to level her girlfriend with a faux-angry glare but Kara was giggling helplessly even as she used a napkin to wipe the mess off her girlfriend’s cheek and Lena ended up laughing right along with her.

///

“You want me to what?” Kara asked incredulously, her eyebrows creeping towards her hairline.

“I want you to tail Eve Teschmacher,” Alex repeated evenly. Lena and Kara had just gotten to the DEO after leaving L-Corp, Lena planning to start working on a sonic weapon that could be adjusted to affect different species to incapacitate or even just communicate with them, and Kara planning to use the time to research her next article. Alex had waylaid them and taken them to her office, where she was now leaning against the front of her desk, arms crossed and a frown on her face.

“And why, exactly, do you want Kara to tail my driver?” Lena asked, matching Alex’s frown. “She passed L-Corp’s background checks as well as the DEO’s, and she’s been working for me for over three months now without incident.”

“We’ve noticed some… alarming behaviour,” Alex said vaguely, looking uncomfortable.

“Such as?” Lena prompted, crossing her own arms and arching an eyebrow.

J’onn slipped into the room and Alex sighed in relief.

“Oh thank god,” Alex muttered. “J’onn, why don’t you tell Lena why we suspect Eve. I’ll just be going-” J’onn caught Alex’s arm as she tried to step past him and frowned at her.

“I think you should be here for this, Agent Danvers,” he said, his voice a stern rumble. Alex’s face scrunched up.

“Do I have to?”

“Alex, please just tell us what’s going on,” Kara cut in, looking between her sister and her space dad with a crinkle between her eyebrows, dangerously close to a pout. She needed to know what was going on if her girlfriend was in danger.

“I- ugh, fine.” Alex massaged her temples for a moment before flopping into her desk chair with an annoyed huff, opening her laptop and signing in. “So we had Brainy- actually, he found it, why don’t we have him tell you guys?” Alex tried. J’onn frowned at her again, and she grumbled something about him playing favorites with his earth kids before continuing. “Look. It doesn’t hurt to be too cautious, okay? I’ve had Brainy monitoring Lena’s staff since before we even called Kara in, and even though things have finally calmed down I told him to keep it up just in case. And he found something… disturbing on Eve’s phone.” Alex fiddled with the top of her laptop for a moment, grimacing.

“You’ve been having Brainy spy on Eve?” Lena asked incredulously. “Have you had him hack any of my other employees?” Silence as Alex avoided looking at her. “Alexandra Danvers.” Alex jerked her head up and looked at Lena with wide eyes.

“Oh hell no, you don’t get to full name me, Luthor. You’re family now, it is my _right_ to be overprotective. And look at this!” Alex spun the laptop around and showed them a picture of…

“Oh, ew,” Kara whispered, her face scrunching up in disgust. It was a selfie of Eve… kissing Lex. And it wasn’t a chaste kiss, either. Lena made a gagging sound and even J’onn looked a little queasy.

“So she just had,” Lena waved vaguely towards the screen, her gaze on the wall off to the side, “ _that_ on her phone? And Brainy only found it today?”

“From what we can tell Eve has been visiting Lex in prison. This picture was taken three days ago, and as much as I wish we could we don’t have the resources to have someone monitor her phone 24/7.” Alex grimaced and turned the laptop back towards herself, giving the screen one last disbelieving look before exiting the window (she really didn’t want to open it later and be surprised with _that_ ) and closing the laptop.

“I thought he wasn’t allowed any visitors?” Kara asked, her face still scrunched up.

“It seems they made an exception for his wife,” Brainy said, entering the room. Everyone looked at him, wide-eyed. “I just located their marriage records. Her name is not really Eve Teschmacher, and she has been visiting him using her real name, Evelyn Smith. Her false identity has been expertly backstopped, which is why I failed to find all of this until I went looking. My apologies, everyone.” Brainy clasped his hands behind his back and looked at the floor, ashamed.

“It’s not your fault, Brainy,” Lena said immediately, reaching out and laying a hand on his arm. He looked at her with something that was more a grimace than a smile. “It’s _not_ ,” Lena repeated more emphatically. “When we run background checks at L-Corp I have people specifically assigned to look for alternate identities. If they didn’t find Eve’s, it’s because it was done incredibly well. Or I have a mole.” Lena released Brainy’s arm with a squeeze and leaned into Kara, who immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I probably have a mole, actually. I designed part of the search software myself, and it should have found her.” Lena’s brow furrowed. “Fuck.”

“The last attack on you, before we brought Kara in, was done by a new employee, right?” Alex double checked, her face thoughtful. Lena nodded, one hand unconsciously going to her healed ribs. Kara’s hold on her tightened protectively. “We couldn’t get him to talk when we caught him. Same with your old driver. J’onn tried to look into their minds but there was some kind of, god this sounds stupid, there was a _chip_ in their brains that could block his psychic abilities. That’s why we need Kara to tail Eve. There’s a… rumor… that Lex is planning a prison break. We need to know who else Eve, and therefore Lex, is connected to. Meanwhile, Brainy can start looking into the people you have doing background checks.”

“On it,” Brainy said, already turning to go. Lena reached out and latched onto his shoulder.

“I’d like to help, if that’s alright?” When Brainy’s face contorted strangely, likely thinking Lena didn’t trust him after he’d missed Eve’s double identity, Lena hurriedly added, “I’d like to get this figured out as soon as possible, and working together we’ll get it done much faster, don’t you think?” Brainy could read the sincerity in her eyes and relaxed a bit, though he was still tense.

“Of course, Miss Lu- Lena,” he corrected when Lena opened her mouth to correct him yet again (he had been to game nights at her and Kara’s multiple times and he was still annoyingly formal). Lena moved to follow Brainy out the door.

“Wait. Should I really be tailing Eve if all this is happening? Shouldn’t I stick with Lena?” Kara asked, causing everyone to stop.

“You’ve been able to protect her while working at CatCo,” Alex pointed out.

“Yeah because Cat wants me to work there enough that she makes Snapper let me come and go as I please, so anytime anything happens I can fly over. Plus CatCo is near enough to L-Corp than I can listen in to make sure everything is okay even when I’m working.” Kara paused when Lena raised her eyebrows at her. “Not like that! I just listen to your heartbeat! If it speeds up too much, _then_ I’ll, uh, zoom out my hearing to make sure things are okay. Usually you’re just pissed at a board member and I can go back to focusing on your heartbeat. One time you were falling over your balcony though, so don’t expect me to stop anytime soon.”

“I had wondered how you got there in time to catch me,” Lena murmured to herself. She sighed. “Fine, you have my permission to continue listening in as you are. Just ask next time you need to do something like this, okay?” Lena gave Kara a _look_ and Kara winced.

“Okee doke. Sorry.” Kara turned back to Alex, a slight frown still on her face. “What if Eve is just a diversion though? I don’t want to risk it.”

Alex stood and quickly rounded her desk, coming to a stop in front of Kara and Lena and placing a hand on both their shoulders. “We aren’t going to do anything that puts Lena at risk, okay? We need you to follow Eve, but we can have Dreamer stick with Lena while you’re busy. Sound good?”

Kara gave a slight nod and both Danvers turned to Lena, who rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I’d like to remind you that I only stopped pranking Kara because we started dating-”

“And because I started using my powers to beat the boring ones,” Kara interrupted. Lena glared at her. “What? I didn’t always have time to mess with them like I did with the whoopee cushions. The look on your face when you tried to do the whole ‘oh look the coin is in the bottle now’ to squirt me was great though.”

Lena’s eye twitched. “You put alien technology in the coin so that not only did it actually phase into the bottle it also froze the water. And I can’t even study the damn thing because now the water won’t _un_ freeze.”

Alex carefully took her hand off of Lena’s very tense shoulder, though she left her other hand on Kara’s shoulder as the blonde shook with laughter. “Can’t you just, uh, set it outside or something?”

“After studying it for several hours, Agent Danvers,” Lena ground out, her eyes furious, “I have concluded that its melting point is well above 5.5 trillion Kelvin. So unless our climate _drastically_ changes and I somehow manage to survive said change, no, I cannot just _set it outside_.”

Alex took her hand off Kara’s shoulder and took a large step back as Kara burst out laughing.

“And before you say anything, _darling_ , no, I am not going to make a quark-gluon plasma just to get to the damn coin!”

Lena stomped out of the room after grumbling something about stupid alien geniuses (though that didn’t stop her from kissing the stupid alien genius before she went) and Brainy followed at what he determined to be a safe distance. Kara was too busy smiling dopily after her girlfriend to continue snickering at her expense, and after staring at her disgustingly sappy little sister a moment Alex sent her off to update Nia before she started tailing Eve.

///

Alex was making her way to the armory when a familiar form appeared beside her and bumped their shoulders together. Alex turned to her but kept walking.

“I’m family now, am I?” Lena asked, smirking.

“Oh shut up, Luthor, you know you are.” The agent’s cheeks heated up at the admission, but it was the truth.

“Kara and I aren’t even engaged, Alex,” Lena drawled. She started playing with her fingers nervously and Alex’s eyes narrowed at the action.

“Still.” Alex stopped in front of the armory door and turned to Lena with a surprisingly soft smile. “Even if you weren’t dating my sister you’d be family by now. Guess I have a soft spot for bratty scientists.” She scrunched her nose up and smiled wider at the blushing Luthor before reaching out and ruffling her hair, cackling when Lena cursed and batted her hands away.

“Jackass,” Lena muttered, scowling at the cackling redhead before she turned and made her way back towards the labs. She combed her fingers through her dark hair to try to fix it but ended up giving up and throwing it into a messy ponytail instead.

“Lena!”

Lena didn’t turn around. “What?”

“Take Nia with you when you leave, okay?”

She did stop then, and turned to give Alex a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Danvers, I know the drill. You’ve assigned me a bodyguard before.”

“Uh huh. Just don’t fall in love with this one.” Alex disappeared inside the armory with another cackle and Lena just stood frozen in the hall.

_Just don’t fall in love with this one._ In love? Was Lena in love with Kara? They hadn’t known each other long, but… “Fuck,” Lena whispered. She was in love with Kara.

///

Kara was crouching on the top of a small brownstone a block away from where Eve was shopping. She’d been following the woman for a week and so far all she’d discovered was that Eve was far less of a kiss ass outside of work (Alex’s words, though Kara definitely agreed) and that she seemed to actually like vegetables. If Lena didn’t also actually like vegetables Kara would probably say that in and of itself made her evil. “Can I please stop tailing Lex’s girlfriend and go back to protecting my own?” Kara asked, not even wincing at how whiny her voice came out.

“Just awhile longer, Kar,” Alex’s voice crackled back over her earpiece. “We just got intel that the prison break is going down today. She might be meeting with some sort of contact.”

“She’s not meeting anyone, Alex. Just trying to decide what cereal to get.”

“Perhaps it is some kind of code?” Brainy’s voice asked, startling Kara enough that she accidentally dug a handful of concrete out of her rooftop perch.

“Rao, Brainy! I thought you were helping Lena identify the mole?”

“Ah, yes. The mole is Steve, one of the people in charge of locating alternate identities in her background check crew. I suggested she fire him immediately but she seemed to have some other plan. Personally I am hoping it involves that sticky, glittery concoction she unleashed on the DEO a few months ago.”

Alex groaned when Brainy brought up what Lena had dubbed ‘The Great Goop Reckoning’ and Kara started giggling, even as she watched Eve continue to slowly browse different aisles in what had to be the most boring stakeout ever.

For her twenty-eighth birthday Lena had decided to give herself a present somewhat akin to an angry hornet’s nest: a DEO full of gooped up agents who would likely never get all the glitter to go away. With Kara’s help she had made a large batch of the new and improved goop she’d dropped on Lillian two decades ago, and this version was a sticky aerosol with a time-release feature. Kara had sped through the DEO and sprayed the nearly-invisible mist on all the ceilings, and Lena had set her watch to countdown the hours until the oxygen in the rooms would destroy the outer layer containing the substance that, combined with moisture in the air, would become some fabulous goop. Unfortunately for Lena, things hadn’t gone exactly as planned. Instead of being safely ensconced in her home when she received the inevitable angry call from Alex, she had gotten to see it all firsthand, which was why Kara was laughing so hard now.

///

_Lena had alternated between being completely focused on her work for the day and staring at the countdown on her watch in anticipation. When she had originally planned The Great Goop Reckoning, she hadn’t factored in designing, building, and officializing an alien prison, and she had nearly had to cancel or at least delay her ultimate prank, but luckily her beautiful, smart AF girlfriend was also quite the prankster and had been completely on board with pranking not only her sister but the entirety of the DEO. Kara had helped her refine her goop recipe and had even helped her figure out how to make her dream of it being in a nice, portable spray can come true. She’d also been so kind as to apply it to all the ceilings in the DEO at super speed so the people who monitored the security cameras would be none the wiser. Now all Lena had to do was wait._

_She was curled up on her couch, making decent headway on a project proposal that she was determined to get to R &D that week even if it meant sacrificing her free time, her girlfriend curled up beside her and working on an article about Superman’s cousin (which Lena knew she was going to tease her about later- how exactly had Kara interviewed herself, hmmm?) when she got a phone call from an irate Alex. “Lena speaking.”_

_“Luthor,” Alex growled over the phone. “Get down here right now.” She hung up before Lena could even ask why, though she figured someone had realized the ceiling looked a little off and they’d discovered her prank. Lena put her phone away with a sigh and put her proposal on the coffee table, standing as Kara gave her a concerned look._

_“D’you think something’s wrong?”_

_Lena could hear the nerves in her girlfriend’s voice and quickly pulled the blonde into a standing position to give her a quick kiss. Okay, the kiss might not have been as quick as she’d intended, but she did eventually have to pull away for a little thing called oxygen. “Everything is fine, darling. Though I think our little prank may have been uncovered.”_

_Lena was going to blame the kiss for making her forget to check just WHEN exactly said prank was set to go off._

_Not feeling up to driving, Lena agreed when Kara offered to fly them, as it turned out she did quite like flying at night so long as she was in her girlfriend’s arms. Someday, she was determined, she was going to take a small break from L-Corp so she and Kara could take a trip to a place with less light pollution so they could stargaze this way._

_Her daydreams of stargazing with her girlfriend from the stars were cut woefully short as they touched down on the DEO’s landing pad and Alex stormed up to them. Lena barely had a moment to regain her balance once Kara had set her down before Alex had grabbed her arm and practically dragged her into the control room, Kara trailing curiously behind, and gestured to the large screens, where Brainy had pulled up some old business records._

_“Well, Luthor? What do you have to say for yourself?” Alex fumed, hands on her hips._

_Lena’s brows pulled together as she tried to figure out why Alex was mad about some old purchases she’d made for L-Corp. Then she took a closer look at the records. “Oops.”_

_“Oops? Really? That’s it?” Alex growled._

_Lena just shrugged._

_Kara looked a li’l confused. “What’s going on? I don’t get it.”_

_“What’s going on is that your girlfriend has spent millions of dollars pulling her little stunts!” Alex yelled. At that revelation all the agents stopped their work and turned to the few in the control room curiously._

_“How exactly did you think I got permission to ‘pull my little stunts’ as you put it?” Lena drawled, arms crossed and eyebrow arched. “The zoo doesn’t just let people drop other people into dangerous animal enclosures, and the aquarium generally frowns upon someone pushing someone else into one of its tanks. The only way to get permission was to become the boss and give it to myself. I did what had to be done.”_

_“You made the zoo, the aquarium, the amusement park, the fairgrounds, and even a filming lot L-Corp subsidiaries,” Alex said flatly. Several agents’ jaws dropped._

_“You spent forty-five point three six seven million dollars so you could prank agents,” Brainy added matter-of-factly._

_Silence. Until Kara piped up. “Woah. Did you buy the museum too?”_

_Lena turned to her gaping girlfriend with a small, shy smile. “I bought the museum when I first came to National City, actually. I quite like going there, and the only way I can explore in peace is to go when the public isn’t there. I figured buying it was the best option.” Lena shrugged, blushing, and Kara barely managed to stop grinning at her girlfriend’s adorableness long enough to kiss her sweetly on the cheek._

_Alex was about a third of the way through a lecture Lena wasn’t listening to- something about maturity and responsibility, how dull- when Lena’s watch beeped and the ceiling bubbled ominously before dropping a solid foot of glittery goop on everyone, including her._

_Kara, the cheater, had used her powers to speed over to the balcony and had avoided the sky falling on her._

_Amid the shocked cries of agents, a few already turning accusing glares to their resident prankster, Lena marched over to a hysterically giggling Kara, gasping about how Lena had pranked herself, and began smearing her with the purple goop. Alex joined in a moment later, as did Nia, who had unfortunately stopped by to show off her suit, freshly cleaned and mended after her latest fight (suffice to say it needed cleaned again)._

_Kara had been helpless against the onslaught of goopy hugs and grabby goopy hands, her giggles only intensifying when she saw the annoyed, haughty look on her girlfriend’s messy face._

///

“Best… prank… ever,” Kara managed to gasp through her giggles now, still perched on the roof and keeping an eye on Eve. “Rao I can’t wait to see what she comes up with next year.”

“No, no, no,” Alex’s voice scolded. “Next year you are taking her on a vacation for her birthday, far far away from National City. It took a week to clean up the DEO, and I still find glitter in places that glitter should not be.”

“Ew, Alex.”

“NOT LIKE THAT. I mean, kinda like that- oh fucking hell,” Alex cut herself off and turned serious, and Kara’s stomach sank.

“What?” Kara was on her feet already, her head on a swivel as she tried to locate Lena. “Alex, what’s going on?” If she weren’t so focused on listening for Lena’s heartbeat she’d be able to make out the frantic chatter on the other end of her earpiece, but she finally found her- she was at the alien prison. “Alex why is Lena’s heart beating so fast?” Kara asked urgently, already flying toward the prison.

“We thought the prison break was for Lex,” Alex finally answered, her voice heavy. “I’m so sorry, Kar.”

///

Lena, as promised, took Nia with her when she left the DEO. The friendly cub reporter, who had quickly become National City’s first superhero with the help of the DEO, was good company on the drive over to the alien prison, telling her about all the times she and Cat had had to cover for Kara at CatCo, whether it was because Kara had seemingly vanished into thin air to go save Lena or because she had accidentally used her super strength on something that was not built to handle a distracted Kryptonian.

“She’s broken how many keyboards?” Lena asked through her laughter.

“Seventeen. I kid you not.” Nia held her hands up in the classic surrender pose. “I don’t know how our new tech guy hasn’t figured out she’s an alien already.”

“I’ll have to design a stronger keyboard for her,” Lena mused, her brain already coming up with schematics for one made of nth metal. “Maybe a software update as well so she can use her superspeed to type.”

Nia watched Lena with a wide smile on her face, glad that she and Kara were already dating so she didn’t have to scheme to get them together. That would be exhausting. “Hey now, don’t help her out too much,” Nia cautioned, a smirk on her face. “She’s already got the CEO as an auntie-to-be, and bonafide superpowers to boot. She’s hard enough to keep up with as is, especially with her special in with Superman’s cousin.” Nia rolled her eyes and Lena snorted.

“Still, if Cat Grant gets her way I’m sure Kara will need the extra time,” Lena drawled. When Nia tilted her head in confusion, Lena elaborated. “Cat thinks Kara is going to become a superhero like her cousin. She’s already got a name picked out for her and everything.”

Nia clapped her hands excitedly. “Does this mean Dreamer is going to have a super sidekick?”

“I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.”

Their conversation turned to ways Nia could possibly help the alien prisoners with her powers, and by the time the town car (driven by a DEO agent as Eve had been given a week off) arrived at the prison they’d decided she could work with Kelly since the Obsidian lenses weren’t an option (most aliens were understandably hesitant to use human technology that messed with their heads).

Nia followed Lena into the prison with a bounce in her step, and after Lena had gone around and checked in with all the prisoners and staff they retired to her office where she started going through some paperwork and digitally checking the prison’s technology while Nia scrolled through tumblr on her phone.

Lena was almost through checking that all the technology was functional and online when her computer beeped a warning. “What the fuck?” Lines of code appeared on the screen for a split second before the computer shut down. “Shit.” She looked up to see Nia already on her feet. Before Lena could say anything the intercom blared an automated warning.

“THE PRISON IS NOW ON LOCKDOWN. PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND-.” The warning turned to static.

“Well that’s not good,” Lena muttered. The sound of all the cells opening filled the small office.

“And that’s really not good,” Nia said nervously, wary gaze fixed on the door.

“I’m going to hazard a guess and say the prison break wasn’t for my brother.” Lena stood and walked to the back of the room, pressing her hand to a nondescript wall panel.

“Ah ah ah, Lena. Did you really think I wouldn’t find your little panic room?” Lex’s voice asked.

“Pompous ass,” Lena muttered, glaring at the nearest camera while Nia looked around frantically.

“Lena, where is he?” Nia hissed.

“Still locked up, most likely. He hacked the system.”

“Yes, and now I’m broadcasting a live feed to all of National City. Let’s see how all those bleeding-heart alien lovers will feel when the aliens my poor little sister was trying to help tear her to pieces.” Lex’s cackle filled the room and Lena decided that the first thing on her to-do list once all this was over was to create a manual override to the prison’s broadcast system, if only so she could mute her brother next time he tried something with her prison (because, knowing Lex, there would be a next time… assuming, of course, that she survived this time).

“They wouldn’t do that,” Nia said, her voice barely wavering. Most of the aliens were grateful to have been given actual sentences and ways to integrate into society instead of just being tossed in a DEO cell for eternity, but several of the imprisoned aliens _had_ been locked up for attempting to kill Lena.

Lex snorted derisively, and Lena could hear the sneer in his voice when he said, “We’ll see how docile your little prisoners are when your pet Kryptonian isn’t around. Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I believe the show is about to begin.” The intercom went silent as the door handle jiggled several times, a loud thumping sound on the other side, before the door began to open very slowly.

Nia, despite not being in her suit and knowing they were being broadcast live, took up a fighting stance.

Lena wondered if she maybe shouldn’t have made the prison so secure during lockdowns that even a Kryptonian couldn’t get in (she and Kara had feared that someone may try to attack the alien prisoners, and they had been correct, but so far none of the would-be attackers had made it inside).

A blue-skinned alien with fin-like ears (or were they just really flexible horns???) peered into the room. “Hi, Miss Luthor!”

“Yvette,” Lena greeted evenly, doing her best not to laugh- Yvette was barely two feet tall, so the oh-so-ominous thumping sound had probably been them jumping to reach the door handle.

The alien’s name wasn’t actually Yvette, but after many tries it had become clear that humans were physically unable to pronounce their name, and they had chosen Yvette, saying it reminded them of their home planet’s name (also a name humans couldn’t pronounce, much to Lena’s chagrin).

“So we don’t think he meant to,” Yvette began, the third eye on their forehead squinting somewhat dubiously at the speaker mounted on the wall, “but Lex’s side of the conversation was broadcast over the entire prison’s intercom system. And we figured we should send someone up to reassure you that we don’t, um, intend to ‘tear you to pieces’ or anything.” Yvette shifted flipper-like-foot to flipper-like-foot uncomfortably. “It was decided that I was the most eloquent. And the least threatening. Obviously.” Yvette gestured down at themself and Lena finally couldn’t take it anymore and giggled.

“I’m sorry, Yvette,” Lena managed to say, “but the sound of you trying to open the door was like something out of a horror movie, the door handle jiggling and a dull thumping and then you opened the door and…” Lena trailed off as Nia also dissolved into giggles, Yvette looking up at them expressionlessly.

Yvette’s beak opened and they made a sound that both women were pretty sure was a laugh. It sounded more like a chirp. “My apologies, Miss Luthor. Next time I’ll make Humbert come too so I can stand on his shell.”

“It’s fine, Yvette,” Lena said, recovering from her laughter and walking towards the little alien. “Give me a few minutes to kick Lex out of the system, and then we can find some way to pass the time until the lockdown lifts.”

Yvette began bouncing, which Lena had figured out was something they did when they were thinking very hard about something. She wondered if it was a way to stimulate their brain and something all members of their species did or just one of Yvette’s quirks. “The lockdown will last three Earth hours, yes?” Yvette questioned, their fin-like horn thingies twirling on their head. Lena nodded. “Miss K- uh, Miss Zor-El told me of something called a slumber party. May we all do that?”

“Sounds good to me,” Lena agreed, smiling and wishing she could see the look on Lex’s face right now. He’d wanted a prison riot and he was getting a slumber party. Glorious.

After connecting her backup laptop to the system, Lena booted Lex out in less than five minutes, then took an extra few minutes to add another fire wall. She and Brainy could comb through the system later to make it more secure. With Lex out, Lena gave a cheery wave to the camera and was about to end the broadcast when Nia piped up.

“Why don’t we let everyone see us all hanging out? Could help show that aliens are just like us.”

Lena gave Nia a considering look before turning to Yvette, who had hopped up onto one of the chairs and was looking around the office curiously as they swung their legs back forth. “I suppose if everyone agrees that would be alright. What do you think, Yvette?”

“I can go ask the others,” Yvette offered, hurrying away when Lena nodded.

And so, with the aliens’ permission, National City got to watch live as an alien slumber party was held in a prison for three hours. All the aliens gathered in the mess hall, some perching on chairs or tables, a few dragging their cots out, and several camped out in kiddy pools full of liquid that wasn’t always water. Lena, Nia, and the prison staff gathered snacks from the kitchen and passed them around, and after a vote Lena cobbled together a projector and started playing a movie. Groups of aliens also started playing games, some from Earth and some from much farther away, and a delighted Nia took notes for the next game night, as well as several videos of Lena somehow managing to beat all the aliens at their own games (though when someone brought out Monopoly from the break room and Yvette managed to beat Lena, Nia nearly fell down laughing at the shocked look on her friend’s face… it seemed there was a new Monopoly Monarch).

There were a few aliens who hung out on the fringes, glaring at the Luthor they still didn’t completely trust, but anytime they took the tiniest step towards her one of their fellow inmates would hiss or raise their spikes to ward them off. A few did come up to Lena, surrounded by a group of aliens who had appointed themselves her guards for the evening, to apologize for trying to kill her, and she accepted each apology and invited them to join in whichever game she was playing, which she then proceeded to trounce them at, much to their shock and her delight. One such alien was rendered speechless when Lena cussed them out in Kryptonese for giving her a plus four card in Uno, and another was quite happy to discover Lena had acquired a basic knowledge of their language from their fellow inmates and chatted with her excitedly for half an hour.

All in all it was a very fun evening, and it was decided that the prison would hold lockdown slumber parties once a month, Yvette adding that they could make a tiktok account for the prison to stream videos each time (Lena agreed, as did the other prisoners).

Everyone was so glued to their screens for the three hour broadcast that they didn’t even notice the pastel-clad blonde perched on the roof the prison, smiling dopily down at the livestream on her phone.

///

In the following weeks, Kara would be writing article after article answering the citizens’ questions for the aliens- ranging from what the heck the glowing things they had been eating were to if they had enjoyed watching _Lilo & Stitch_(which then led to Kara having to interview herself again when one of the aliens she’d interviewed revealed they’d chosen it because it came highly recommended by Superman’s mysterious cousin… and she may not have been too good at reading the body language of a faceless species, but she was pretty sure the alien would have had a shit-eating grin if they could have).

Lena’s reputation improved even more, as did the reputation of aliens in general. And when Lex received a thank you card from his sister for the major part he’d played in orchestrating what the media had dubbed “The Cutest Prison Break Ever”, he paid a guard handsomely to smuggle in a lighter so he could burn the damn thing, especially the group picture Lena had had Kara take of her and Nia with all the prisoners when the lockdown finally lifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you can see I take absolutely nothing seriously in my writing and at this point I have decided to embrace it.
> 
> Oh I have a Supercorp-devoted tumblr if y'all care, it's @midnight-queery. 
> 
> Also since I've decided to write at least 500 words a day I'll hopefully be posting my writing more frequently. But since classes are about to start again for me, and for some reason I applied to be an RA and actually got it, we'll see how long that lasts... Plus sometimes I work on a story I'm hoping to make a book (I have affectionately dubbed it the shitpost of novels though I'm only a few thousand words in so far)... I wish my mc hadn't decided to steal most of my own character traits, though, how rude of them. -3-


End file.
